Big Trouble In Little California

cmartinez

Joined Jan 17, 2007
8,218
But to dwell on just one moment in your life is asinine
It is sad, but unfortunately our own minds are not as easy to control as most people think ... just telling someone not to think about something often backfires and has the exact opposite effect ... and as for dwelling into just one moment of your life, it happens quite often to former soldiers battling with PTSD. That's definitely not asinine.
 

djsfantasi

Joined Apr 11, 2010
9,156
Everyone of these are great posts! all true!

There comes a time in your life where you accept the things that life hands to you. You can't have a new deal! you have to play the cards that you are handed. In death there is no REDO. So to linger on it only does damage to your mental state. People grieve in different ways "just a fact". But to dwell on just one moment in your life is asinine
Sorry that you feel that way. I feel that you “just don’t get it”. Believe me, and there are people on here who know, I feel that I know a little bit more about this than you.
 

Berzerker

Joined Jul 29, 2018
621
cmartinez said:
It is sad, but unfortunately our own minds are not as easy to control as most people think ... just telling someone not to think about something often backfires and has the exact opposite effect ... and as for dwelling into just one moment of your life, it happens quite often to former soldiers battling with PTSD. That's definitely not asinine.
I support our soldiers and realize there are different levels of trauma. I know I'm gonna get pounded for this one but here it goes!
To compare an animals life to a humans is not even on the scales to me. Yes I have a dog and love him very much but would I put his life on the same level as my great nephews that live with me "NO"! If he were to pass would I be sad "YES"! This might be where we're seeing things differently. I've seen your Grilling thread cmartinez and I don't see you having any problems when you throw a huge slab of meat on the grill and cook it. So somewhere in your mind you also know there is a difference in animals and humans! You do realize in some countries they eat dogs right ? People raise chickens all the time and when they get big enough well it's "Off with their heads" and into the frying pan.

djsfantasi said:
Sorry that you feel that way. I feel that you “just don’t get it”. Believe me, and there are people on here who know, I feel that I know a little bit more about this than you.
Problem is DJ I do get it! Nothing I've posted is Un-true. It might not set well with some others thinking but it's still true.

@cmartinez so does this mean I can't ask a question in your grillng thread ?
 

cmartinez

Joined Jan 17, 2007
8,218
@cmartinez so does this mean I can't ask a question in your grillng thread ?
Ask away, as long as it's not a question about how to grill a dog oriental-style... :rolleyes: ... let's keep the cuisine western-style, please.

Seriously now, I agree with you about it being a mistake to compare any animal's life to a human's. But that's precisely the point, some people's lives are so lonely that they have to pour their potential for love somewhere else. Be it their pet, their car, their clothes, their house or their work. And it's always a mistake, because those things will not love you back in the way that a fellow human being can. But telling them up front that the way the look at life is wrong will only make things worse. You have to show them empathy and compassion so that they can learn how to live their lives through other people, instead of living it through other things.
 

Berzerker

Joined Jul 29, 2018
621
@cmartinez Now you sound like me. My son brought home what I would only describe as a rat. Turned out it was a squirrel! had him for about 8 years cause the vet said they all have some sort of neurological disease from being inbred over all the years So he died! Best animal I ever had and till this day after about 25 to 30 years he still crosses my mind.

I grew up hunting and fishing here in Alabama "haven't done it in awhile though". I learned young that you only shoot or catch what your going to eat "NEVER WASTE". No sport hunting of fishing for me. And I think like I said this is where we all differ about how we all look at animals.
No it's not a question about cooking dog. errr maybe one day a hotdog but not a dog:D
 
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wayneh

Joined Sep 9, 2010
17,496
To compare an animals life to a humans is not even on the scales to me.
The important two words there are "to me". The discussion at hand is about a person that has experienced loss and is suffering as a result. The cause of, and judgement of, that loss is completely irrelevant. Her grief is fully real no matter the history of it. People can even suffer grief from losing something bad, like a bad job or bad marriage. Trying to diminish the loss in her presence might possibly drive her even deeper into grief. It'd be like telling the parent of a dead child that somehow it was a smaller loss than losing an adult.
 

Berzerker

Joined Jul 29, 2018
621
@wayneh The discussion has been on the loss of a pet. We all know that losing anything can place grief on your life.
Tonight when you sit down and eat your dinner please tell me you stopped and prayed for the animal itself, Not just give thanks to "GOD" for having it. Again you even try to place an animal up to the level of a human! That chicken you eat, those ribs you grill and so forth. Yes people sometimes think of animals as part of their family "BUT" to place them on that kinda pedestal is not only hypocritical but crazy when you sit down at night and eat animal meat.

This discussion reminds me of "Tree Huggers" wanta B**** about you cutting down trees and then go home to their warm and cozy "WOODEN" houses. You can't have it both ways.

Or vegetarians who somehow think that plants aren't a living species.
Their argument is I'm just pulling the fruit or vegetable I'm not killing the plant!
Truth is "YOU ARE" the fruit or vegetable is how it reproduces "the seeds".
Think about it.
 
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Berzerker

Joined Jul 29, 2018
621
I only live in the here and now.
To go back in time and wish something didn't happen doesn't register in my mind.
Emotion = DRAMA to me. We're posting in an electronics thread
There is only logic ! If this were a computer or PCB or component thread everyone would post like your wrong.
They'd say your not making since.

@djsfantasi Seen a dog sing on youtube so don't be surprised
A pig play a piano too!
 

wayneh

Joined Sep 9, 2010
17,496
There is only logic !
Spock on Star Trek was an interesting character because of that premise. His uniqueness wouldn't have been any fun if humans were even close to that ideal. We may enjoy logic more than most around here, but I assure you that most of the human population does not share that view.
 

Berzerker

Joined Jul 29, 2018
621
@wayneh I know you think I'm heartless but that's not the case. I watched my Dad suffer for months before he died. It broke my heart!
At the end when we knew the time was close my family were all around him telling him "it's Ok, we love you and you can go" They told me maybe you should tell him cause we were so close "I'm the only son". I told them I "WOULD NOT" tell my Dad it was "OK" to go! I didn't want him to go and I still don't want him gone. Yes that sounds selfish but that's how I felt. If God was going to take him I wasn't going to give my approval. There's not a day that goes by I don't think of him and what he done for me.

I helped tote my Dads casket to his grave
At the end of the funeral the only time I broke down is when the soldier handed me the flag for his service in two branches of the military.
It wasn't because I missed him! It was because I was so proud of him like he was me.
 

ronv

Joined Nov 12, 2008
3,770
Hello again,

I have a little more detail to the problem itself.

Apparently it is the *image* of what happened to the dog that sticks in her head. How the dog was killed. That is the hardest part for her to forget. Not sure how you get a bad image out of someones head.
A coyote got my favorite dog 10 years ago now. I can still see it like it was yesterday. That's probably no help, but it may not be a memory that ever goes away. So you might consider some approach that keeps that in mind. Just understanding may be the answer.
 

Thread Starter

MrAl

Joined Jun 17, 2014
11,389
A coyote got my favorite dog 10 years ago now. I can still see it like it was yesterday. That's probably no help, but it may not be a memory that ever goes away. So you might consider some approach that keeps that in mind. Just understanding may be the answer.
Hi,

Well thanks for posting regardless and i am sorry to hear about that loss too.

I have also realized now that there are no quick solutions to some problems like that that come up in life. Time is the only thing that can help sometimes. That's because there are other constraints at work that we have no control over.
I guess at first i thought i was going to find a solution xyz and then when i said to her, "xyz", she would reply, "Oh thanks now i am all better with no problem anymore, thanks". But that's not going to happen regardless what I or anyone else says or does because of the circumstances surrounding the incident(s). As some of the other posts alluded to, sometimes we have to accept it and try to move on. It's unfortunate though that this is not a solution or at least not a timely one. It could take years and years. I can only hope that knowing that will help in some way.

If everything goes as planned i will be able to meet with her this afternoon but also unfortunately she is due back to LA tonight and i know that one afternoon is not going to be enough time with her to help much, but i can try. For me it will be a once in a lifetime meeting as i have not seen her face to face in some 45 years! Last time i remember her and her sis standing in the doorway to her cousin's room where we used to hold band practice. She was just 9 or 10 years old. It's hard to believe that much time has passed but even more hard to believe is i thought for a while that i would never see either of them again or for that matter even talk to either of them again. I probably wont be able to see her again until i myself can get out to LA and that could be another couple months unfortunately due to some things i have to wrap up here in my home state.

Thanks again and any other ideas or suggestions are always going to be appreciated.
 

Berzerker

Joined Jul 29, 2018
621
@MrAl
MrAI said:
If everything goes as planned i will be able to meet with her this afternoon but also unfortunately she is due back to LA tonight and i know that one afternoon is not going to be enough time with her to help much, but i can try. For me it will be a once in a lifetime meeting as i have not seen her face to face in some 45 years! Last time i remember her and her sis standing in the doorway to her cousin's room where we used to hold band practice. She was just 9 or 10 years old. It's hard to believe that much time has passed but even more hard to believe is i thought for a while that i would never see either of them again or for that matter even talk to either of them again.
This might be exactly what She needs. A friendly face and some good old times to talk about. Might just take her mind off of it.
 

Thread Starter

MrAl

Joined Jun 17, 2014
11,389
Word of advice: don't try too hard ... just let the conversation flow ... good luck!
Hi,

Yes thanks i'll also see what kind of mood she is in as she has had some nasty problems already being here in New Jersey. I really hope i can help her in some way even just a little would be nice but more would be really great :)
Thanks so much.
 

Thread Starter

MrAl

Joined Jun 17, 2014
11,389
@MrAl


This might be exactly what She needs. A friendly face and some good old times to talk about. Might just take her mind off of it.
Hi,

Yeah i am hoping so. Taking her back to the old times. I just hope it doesnt bring up too many memories of her mom that passed. I think that may have been what started all this but i hope to find out more.
I passed the old house some 30 years ago where she used to live and where i first met her and they had torn it down and it was just a grass field. Now however i look on Google Maps and i see the area has been entirely rebuilt. Looks nothing like it did, so taking her back there i dont think would be a good idea because i think it sucks to see a place where you once lived gone entirely and replaced with something so unfamiliar. In another town i once lived when i was maybe 4 or 5 years old the house we lived in burnt down, and it's not far from here so i used to go by now and then and i saw that it was just a big grass yard now with no house. Very very strange to see.
Thanks much for the reply.
 

wayneh

Joined Sep 9, 2010
17,496
Looks nothing like it did, so taking her back there i dont think would be a good idea because i think it sucks to see a place where you once lived gone entirely and replaced with something so unfamiliar.
Hmmm... I think that could actually be a good visit. It's an allegory that shows how time marches on and things renew. To see something old being used for something new is encouraging. Give it a thought.
 
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