Pardon me gentlemen......Good and Plenty, NOT M&M's. It's been so long, I do get confused. Good and Plenty under the pillow.

No one heard of that? Maybe it's a hick thing. It's like DW-40 for fishing. Doesn't quite sound right......but it works.

 

Pardon me gentlemen......Good and Plenty, NOT M&M's. It's been so long, I do get confused. Good and Plenty under the pillow.

No one heard of that? Maybe it's a hick thing. It's like DW-40 for fishing. Doesn't quite sound right......but it works.

That really brings back old memories. If this would have "worked" for me, I sure wish someone would have told me.

 

Pardon me gentlemen......Good and Plenty, NOT M&M's. It's been so long, I do get confused. Good and Plenty under the pillow.

No one heard of that? Maybe it's a hick thing. It's like DW-40 for fishing. Doesn't quite sound right......but it works.

Hi,

No, maybe you could explain a little.

 

Nearby water makes it even better, IMHO. I have the Rock River near me which, while it's no beauty, does make for a calming view.

Oh that sounds nice too.
I called the outdoor place i was thinking of, i think they are not in business anymore the number didnt work anymore. Too bad it was a nice place with umbrella tables outside.

 

@MrAl

A place without a drive through is essential. One without carry out is even better. They are getting harder to find.

 

A soda fountain with booths.

 

O.....it's the odor. The Good and Plenty is suppose to be seductive and inviting.

Spooning.

 

@MrAl

A place without a drive through is essential. One without carry out is even better. They are getting harder to find.

Hi,

You mean drive up window for ordering the food?
Most restaurants around here dont have that. Only the fast food places. I doubt i would bring her to a fast food place unless she suggested it first.

 

Hello again,

I have a little more detail to the problem itself.

Apparently it is the *image* of what happened to the dog that sticks in her head. How the dog was killed. That is the hardest part for her to forget. Not sure how you get a bad image out of someones head.

 

I know that she has been resistant to getting professional help, but I what you are describing sounds like PTSD, and there has been a lot of clinical work on practical methods for dealing with it. It is a sort of "bug" in our system that this can happen, and the victim assigns emotional and moral dimensions to something that might be more analogous to a broken leg or a bad laceration. In the latter cases, people know they need help, and they seek it quickly and without reluctance for the most part—the same as she should for this since it is beyond her control at this point and at its base has nothing to do with the emotional-moral dimensions she is struggling with.

This paper is for you, not her, to read unless you think it might help after you do. The reason I link it is to show how strongly what you said connects to the idea of PTSD and for you to evaluate other things she says to you. I hope she can find the strength to see someone who knows how to deal with this trauma, this "mental broken leg" which is not her fault. She deserves to he happy, and she needs to understand that.

 

I know that she has been resistant to getting professional help, but I what you are describing sounds like PTSD, and there has been a lot of clinical work on practical methods for dealing with it. It is a sort of "bug" in our system that this can happen, and the victim assigns emotional and moral dimensions to something that might be more analogous to a broken leg or a bad laceration. In the latter cases, people know they need help, and they seek it quickly and without reluctance for the most part—the same as she should for this since it is beyond her control at this point and at its base has nothing to do with the emotional-moral dimensions she is struggling with.

This paper is for you, not her, to read unless you think it might help after you do. The reason I link it is to show how strongly what you said connects to the idea of PTSD and for you to evaluate other things she says to you. I hope she can find the strength to see someone who knows how to deal with this trauma, this "mental broken leg" which is not her fault. She deserves to he happy, and she needs to understand that.

Hi,

Thanks for the link. That seems to outline the scope of the problem. What i was hoping to see at the end of the paper was some way to deal with it but it's just an outline of what the problem involves, which is good to know too. I've identified some hot spots too already.
Thing is though i dont think she wants to go to a pro on this, but i will ask her again. In case she does not, i'd like to know if there is some way i can help her with this myself. I know i could if i was there with her every minute, but i cant be.
One good thing already though is that she plans a trip to NJ and that will get her far from where the problem actually occurred which is at her home and of course she is normally there all the time so it is easy to see why she keeps having a mental relapse of the experience. That in itself may help a lot because there will be less to trigger the involuntary memories.

Thanks again and if you have any other ideas please post them also.

 

Thing is though i dont think she wants to go to a pro on this, but i will ask her again. ...

I hate going to any doctor for any reason and I wouldn't enjoy a visit to a "shrink" as they are portrayed. (I've never actually been, so have no idea.) So like your friend I'd be very resistant. If nothing else, professionals are expensive.

But there are lots of "softer" options for help with grief and PTSD. Support groups, counselors, coaches and so on. You can get started and make small steps with very little cost or commitment. Just meeting fellow sufferers may be all that's needed.

 

A good therapist is like a good cigar. Hard to find but once you find one, it will be better than any before.

I’ve been to a few therapists for varied reasons. After many therapeutic relationships, I finally found a good one.

It’s very hit or miss. But if you can have an open conversation with your friend about her fears or concerns and what she wants, together you may be able to find an appropriate person.

Approach it like an electronics project. What are the specifications? Make a component list which she can use in interviewing a therapist (I call the initial visit an interview).

I don’t know about you guys, but mental health services are covered by insurance. So in terms of expense, it’s no more than a visit to the doctor for a cold.

 

A good therapist is like a good cigar. Hard to find but once you find one, it will be better than any before.

I’ve been to a few therapists for varied reasons. After many therapeutic relationships, I finally found a good one.

It’s very hit or miss. But if you can have an open conversation with your friend about her fears or concerns and what she wants, together you may be able to find an appropriate person.

Approach it like an electronics project. What are the specifications? Make a component list which she can use in interviewing a therapist (I call the initial visit an interview).

I don’t know about you guys, but mental health services are covered by insurance. So in terms of expense, it’s no more than a visit to the doctor for a cold.

Hi,

Yes ok i'll have to find out what her insurance covers.
She did go to pro's before and said they are too impersonal for her. I think that is the main reason she avoids that.

 

I hate going to any doctor for any reason and I wouldn't enjoy a visit to a "shrink" as they are portrayed. (I've never actually been, so have no idea.) So like your friend I'd be very resistant. If nothing else, professionals are expensive.

But there are lots of "softer" options for help with grief and PTSD. Support groups, counselors, coaches and so on. You can get started and make small steps with very little cost or commitment. Just meeting fellow sufferers may be all that's needed.

Hi,

Yes very good idea. Amazingly i actually had a similar experience with my cat when i was very young. I saw it get shot right in the head with i think was a 45 pistol. Not something i would forget, but i did manage to get over it somehow. If i could just remember how i did that but i think it might have a lot to do with the time that passes after the event where certain parts of the mind start to forget the pain or something even though i could still picture it in my mind after some 50 years. I'll have to think about my experience and see if i can relate that to her.
I might have the chance very soon now. I feel so bad for her because with that along with some other traumas she has trouble getting on with her career and that's such a shame because she happens to have a very illustrious career behind her and i know she can do the same in the future if she just gets around some of these problems.

 

When we lose anything we love and cherish it hurts. My simple observation is we all deal with the hurt differently. Be it a pet, parent or anything else it hurts. When we lose a loved one sometimes it comes at us fast which seems to compound the problem. When we take a pet, like a dog, which defines unconditional love into our lives we know the day will come when there is a goodbye. When we lose them unexpectedly it is all the more difficult but we move on and be it human or animal they live on in our hearts forever, much like that cat when you were a kid.

Since your friend didn't care for therapy she is going to have to deal with this in her own way. Again we all deal with grief differently. I look back on all the good times I shared with each and every dog my wife and I have had. Grieving for a short time is fine but after awhile we all need to let go. Dwelling on things just makes for a very unhappy individual. She needs to let go and as a good and close friend you need to encourage her to let go. All I can do is make that suggestion as I certainly don't know your friend, I do know she can't cling to this forever making herself miserable.

Just My Take....
Ron

 

I saw it get shot right in the head with i think was a 45 pistol. ... I'll have to think about my experience and see if i can relate that to her.

Tread lightly. Your story grosses me out and I wish I had hadn't heard it. I think you can convey the loss without creating another mental image.

 

I was working in Pittsburgh when USAir 427 crashed. It was a 737 that did a half roll and went straight in while on approach. Our trainees (mostly 20-somethings) were asked to volunteer for the search and recovery and were, of course, briefed on what to find and how to deal with it. One measure is knowing what you are getting into, so it is not a surprise. Another is the faith that you can do it. None of those who volunteered had identified problems afterward.

@MrAl Use your judgement about sharing your personal experience. Off hand, I would not share it with her. I don't think comparisons help as much as understanding.

 

I was working in Pittsburgh when USAir 427 crashed. It was a 737 that did a half roll and went straight in while on approach. Our trainees (mostly 20-somethings) were asked to volunteer for the search and recovery and were, of course, briefed on what to find and how to deal with it. One measure is knowing what you are getting into, so it is not a surprise. Another is the faith that you can do it. None of those who volunteered had identified problems afterward.

@MrAl Use your judgement about sharing your personal experience. Off hand, I would not share it with her. I don't think comparisons help as much as understanding.

Tread lightly. Your story grosses me out and I wish I had hadn't heard it. I think you can convey the loss without creating another mental image.

Hi,

I was trying to find a way that i could convey that i had a similar experience that was pretty bad but somehow found a way to get over it. Not sure how else to state it except maybe skip some details. "I had a pet die but then i got over it"
I think if she joined a group there would be many such stories possibly even worse. I saw a cat get run over by a car too should i paint a picture of what that was like It was very sad but i wont say why just yet.

 

[QUOTE="MrAl, post: 1388613, member: 241810" Not sure how else to state it except maybe skip some details. "I had a pet die but then i got over it" [/QUOTE]

NO!

She feels she can’t get over it. When you say that, what she will hear is “but I can’t get over it. What is wrong with me?”

I’d say “I bet it’s hard to let it go.” You are acknowledging her feelings. And saying that you’re trying to understand. By validating in the way, you’re actually letting her face the feelings directly. And leading her to accept them. That is the first step in healing.