[EDIT: Fixed quotes]

Not sure how else to state it except maybe skip some details. "I had a pet die but then i got over it"

NO!

She feels she can’t get over it. When you say that, what she will hear is “but I can’t get over it. What is wrong with me?”

I’d say “I bet it’s hard to let it go.” You are acknowledging her feelings. And saying that you’re trying to understand. By validating in the way, you’re actually letting her face the feelings directly. And leading her to accept them. That is the first step in healing.

Hi,

Yeah that makes sense thanks.

I did say something like, "It is common in pet owners that lose a pet to blame themselves even though it never is their fault".
And, "Pit bulls are unpredictable", because there was some talk of her getting blamed for the incident from other family members which is totally nasty of them if you ask me.
And, "But yeah the images stick".

So i am trying to deflect the blame for the incident because she blames herself and after all it REALLY is not her fault at all. I even said something like, "If you had control over it you would have never let that happen", which is like proof that it could not be her fault.
And the statement about images does validate her mental recollection that is unavoidable.

So from this and her replies i think we are down to the mental images that keep playing over and over in her mind. I think they are triggered by something, and i think i know what that trigger is now. It's a physical location or a set of locations for the most part and other triggers are more rare like a video she made where the little guy had been recorded in. But the location triggers are prevalent because she spent so much time with the dog in the past in various locations in and out of the house. This combined with certain things that the dog did that were particularly different in an interesting way such as a little dance the dog used to do in a certain location in the house.

So i guess then the solution is to somehow get between the location/special doggie behaviors and try to replace or mask them with something else. Not sure how to accomplish this though. Still thinking all this over.

 

If she is, in fact, suffering PTSD which what you’ve related here suggests, cognitive stuff alone will not be able to help her.

PTSD is a “malfunction” in the brain’s system and needs to be addressed specifically. You can’t comfort or reason that part away. Once it has been addressed directly, the comfort and reason will lead to emotional healing, but that it is like trying to build a sand castle too close to the water, every wave will wipe it out.

This is why, some professional help—maybe to you in how to help her, is essential.

 

Hi,

Ok i'll have to talk it over with her again i guess and see if she wants to try again.
Another problem i forgot to mention is that she doesnt like the drugs she was given last time because they put a damper on her skills in the arts, which she highly depends on. I am pretty sure some kind of drugs would be involved in a professional setting.

 

Or even “i

Hi,

Ok i'll have to talk it over with her again i guess and see if she wants to try again.
Another problem i forgot to mention is that she doesnt like the drugs she was given last time because they put a damper on her skills in the arts, which she highly depends on. I am pretty sure some kind of drugs would be involved in a professional setting.

Not necessarily. And they may not be permanent. Just long enough to get her going again. In my experience, you are not prescribed drugs until AFTER you have an established relationship with a therapist. And a professional therapist will respect her clients concerns about a pharmaceutical solution. If not, then that is not the therapist for you/her.

 

Death is a part of "life". We all have to face love ones passing!
One day it will be our turn.
What happens then ???
You can't live in the past there's only the future. Re-living the pain only makes it worse. She must learn to let it go.

 

Death is a part of "life". We all have to face love ones passing!
One day it will be our turn.
What happens then ???
You can't live in the past there's only the future. Re-living the pain only makes it worse. She must learn to let it go.

Hello,

Well i have realized that with some people or things we really really love it can be incredibly difficult for some people to let go. Of all the people in the world the ones involved in the arts are the most vulnerable because they are very passionate about what they do and life in general. So that's part of the problem too. That's the way she is, and i know for sure because that's the way i am too and i see the same thing in her. That's actually one of the things i admire in her the most.

 

Reminds me of this.

 

I remember seeing that skit in the past on TV.
It's very cute.
I wish life was a comedy but alas, it's not.

 

I have heard that washing your hands, while recalling the trauma and/or a worry, can relieve and calm the inner parts.

The recalling has no need to be verbal.

 

I have heard that washing your hands, while recalling the trauma and/or a worry, can relieve and calm the inner parts.

The recalling has no need to be verbal.

Hi,

Well that's interesting. Do you remember where you read that or heard that from?

 

Well i have realized that with some people or things we really really love it can be incredibly difficult for some people to let go. Of all the people in the world the ones involved in the arts are the most vulnerable because they are very passionate about what they do and life in general.

Hello
I watched my Dad die! Hardest thing I've ever had to face. The man that showed me all the ropes in life and taught me right for wrong.
The Man when I was young and made some mistakes that never once raised his voice in anger but only tried to tell me what I done wrong.

Sorry MrAI and I'm not trying to come off hard on you per se but he also taught me
Not to let people tell you what to think, you tell them how you think.

People of the arts as you call it wear the life on their sleeves. In real life there ain't no safe places to hide, there ain't no petting zoo to make you feel better! Death is real my friend and NO-ONE can get away from it. I got a sister that her only daughter died about 2 years ago to this day she still talks about her like she's alive! Truth is "She's Not".
The old saying goes "sometimes the truth hurts"
The truth is you need to tell her or you to get over it and MOVE ON!
Living in the past only destroys your future.

 

Reminds me of this.

That was hilarious ... thanks for sharing ...

 

Hello
I watched my Dad die! Hardest thing I've ever had to face. The man that showed me all the ropes in life and taught me right for wrong.
The Man when I was young and made some mistakes that never once raised his voice in anger but only tried to tell me what I done wrong.

Sorry MrAI and I'm not trying to come off hard on you per se but he also taught me
Not to let people tell you what to think, you tell them how you think.

People of the arts as you call it wear the life on their sleeves. In real life there ain't no safe places to hide, there ain't no petting zoo to make you feel better! Death is real my friend and NO-ONE can get away from it. I got a sister that her only daughter died about 2 years ago to this day she still talks about her like she's alive! Truth is "She's Not".
The old saying goes "sometimes the truth hurts"
The truth is you need to tell her or you to get over it and MOVE ON!
Living in the past only destroys your future.

Hi,

Yeah i agree with most of that, but see some people you can tell over and over again and it still hurts. That's because it is on a deeper level for them. Their base personality temperament type is different than others that handle it better. For some people it affects them so deeply you might have to drug them into a coma to get them free from the feelings that involuntarily dominate their thoughts.
See melancholy.

 

Again MrAI I'm not trying to start an argument or tell you not to comfort her. At these times in life we all need a shoulder to lean on and help ease the pain. Give her support and don't mention anything about a new pet at this time. I'm sure it was a gruesome site to have to watch.
I've seen some bad dog fights in my life and it isn't pretty.

Let me guess it was the arts statement that you didn't like.

 

I am sorry MrAl, I have tried, but can not recall the circumstance of learning that. But at least for me, there is something to it.

If I get more info about it, I will contact you.

 

I’m sorry @Berzerker. I have to disagree with you. Maybe that would work if it was an engineering question. But telling someone that what they feel is wrong or that they just “have to get over it” will likely make it worse.

If I had a dime anyone said “just get over it”, I’d be a rich, troubled man.

 

I’m sorry @Berzerker. I have to disagree with you. Maybe that would work if it was an engineering question. But telling someone that what they feel is wrong or that they just “have to get over it” will likely make it worse.

If I had a dime anyone said “just get over it”, I’d be a rich, troubled man.

Alas, there are some pains inflicted by the experience of life itself that never, ever go away... sad as it might be, I've learned to just accept things as they are, and move on.

 

Time heals all things. The pain doesn't go away, but it lessens. There is the pain of loss and then there is the obsessing over the loss. That is a separate issue that may require some professional grief counseling. Drugging to kill the pain of loss (or self-medicating with drugs or alcohol) is merely a stopgap masking of the hurt of loss instead of dealing with it. Not that a good alcohol-fueled wake after a funeral is a bad thing.

 

I’m sorry @Berzerker. I have to disagree with you. Maybe that would work if it was an engineering question. But telling someone that what they feel is wrong or that they just “have to get over it” will likely make it worse.

If I had a dime anyone said “just get over it”, I’d be a rich, troubled man.

You're essentially explaining why I posted the Bob Newhart routine. Just telling someone to "Stop it!" is comically inadequate. And yet it's funny because there is an element of truth to it. We are our own worst enemies.

 

Everyone of these are great posts! all true!

I’m sorry @Berzerker. I have to disagree with you. Maybe that would work if it was an engineering question. But telling someone that what they feel is wrong or that they just “have to get over it” will likely make it worse.

If I had a dime anyone said “just get over it”, I’d be a rich, troubled man.

There comes a time in your life where you accept the things that life hands to you. You can't have a new deal! you have to play the cards that you are handed. In death there is no REDO. So to linger on it only does damage to your mental state. People grieve in different ways "just a fact". But to dwell on just one moment in your life is asinine