The Jokes thread

cmartinez

Joined Jan 17, 2007
8,763
I'm just copying-pasting something that I got in my mail today, and, of course, I haven't bothered to check the facts... But still, I found it interesting enough to be posted here.

*****

YEAR IS 1914.....
.....THINGS CHANGE

THE YEAR IS 1914

This will boggle your mind. It did mine!
********************* ***********
The year is 1914 --- One hundred years ago.
What a difference a century makes!
Here are some statistics for the Year 1914:
********************* ************​
  • The average life expectancy for men was 47 years.
  • Fuel for this car was sold in drug stores only.
  • Only 14 percent of the homes had a bathtub.
  • Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.
  • There were only 8,000 cars and only 144 miles of paved roads.
  • The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.
  • The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower.
  • The average US wage in 1910 was 22 cents per hour.
  • The average US worker made between $200 and $400 per year
  • A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, a dentist $2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.
  • More than 95 percent of all births took place at home.
  • Ninety percent of all Doctors had NO COLLEGE EDUCATION! Instead, they attended so-called medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press AND the government as "substandard."
  • Sugar cost four cents a pound.
  • Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.
  • Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.
  • Most women only washed their hair once a month, and used Borax or egg yolks for shampoo.
  • Canada passed a law that prohibited poor people from entering into their country for any reason.
  • The Five leading causes of death were:
  1. Pneumonia and influenza
  2. Tuberculosis
  3. Diarrhea
  4. Heart disease
  5. Stroke
  • The American flag had 45 stars
  • The population of Las Vegas, Nevada, was only 30!
  • Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea hadn't been invented yet.
  • There was neither a Mother's Day nor a Father's Day.
  • Two out of every 10 adults couldn't read or write and only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school.
  • Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at the local corner drugstores.
  • Back then pharmacists said, "Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, Regulates the stomach and bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health!" ( Shocking? )
  • Eighteen percent of households had at least one full-time servant or domestic help.
  • There were about 230 reported murders in the ENTIRE U.S.A.!

I am now going to forward this to someone else without typing it myself.From there, it will be sent to others all over the WORLD - all in a matter of seconds!

Try to imagine what it may be like in another 100 years.

HAPPY 2015!
 

joeyd999

Joined Jun 6, 2011
6,297
Well, since things have been getting trashy here, I guess it's time to do my part:

<snip>

Mod Comment: Happy?
 
Last edited by a moderator:

tom_s

Joined Jun 27, 2014
288
trash (redneck type)

- You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

- You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.

- You come back from the dump with more than you took.

- Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

- You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.

- You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

- You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

- You have a rag for a gas cap.

- Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

- You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.

- You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.

- You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.

- The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.

- Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

- You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

- A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.

- You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.

- You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.

- You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table . . . in front of her kids.

- You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

- You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.

- Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people."

- You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

- You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

- The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas is in it.

- You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.

- You think "loaded dishwasher" means your wife is drunk.

- Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

- At some point in your life you've been too drunk to fish.

- The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
 

tom_s

Joined Jun 27, 2014
288
for the illiterate, ,you might be a redneck jokes was first made popular by the comedian Jeff Foxworthy
if you find yourself noticing you do or have some of these things, then you just may be a redneck!

you might be a redneck if ...

you think genitalia is an italian airline

you broke up with your girlfriend but she said you could still be cousins

all of your relatives would have to die to wipe out illiteracy

all your wall decorations have horns on them

any of your children are the result of a conjugal visits

counting sheep makes you more aroused than sleepy

directions to your house include 'turn off the paved road'

drying your clothes depends on the weather

every room in your house is a junk room

it's midnight and everyone on your street knows what album you're playing

it takes an entire dumpster to clean out your car

most of your family have appeared on COPS

no matter which side of the track you live on, it's the wrong side

nobody can rebuild an engine like mama

none of the tires on your car are the same size

people hear your car a long time before they see it

somebody hollers 'hoe down' and your girlfriend hits the floor

someone says that your mother wears army boots and you say, 'so?'

you can't spell your name without looking at your belt

you can distinguish between the taste of possum and groundhog, blindfolded

you can do a moose mating call from an orifice other than your mouth

you carried a fishing pole into sea world

you go fishing with a generator and copper wire

you have a refrigerator just for beer (and you thought you no redneck?)

you have your wife check the depth of the water before you drive your truck through it

you met your wife through a 'personal ad' written on the men's room wall

you think that safe sex is when the participants are married to each other

you think the 'battle of the bulge' is an argument between your wife and mother

you think the Super Bowl is a top of the line bathroom fixture

your riding lawn mower has cup holders

your school colors are camouflage

your stereo speakers used to belong to the moonlight drive-in theater

your tooth has a cavity

your toothbrush has been in the family for generations

your truck has ever been the scene of a crime

your truck is insured by smith & wesson

your TV remote control is your son junior

your uncle bob died peeing on an electric fence

your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes three relatives to figure out how to fix it

your wife's arms got so big from pushing your car

your wife answers to 'Cuz'

your wife has ever said, 'come move this transmission so I can take a bath'
 
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