With what you end up when you crossbreed snake and hedgehog?
Barbed wire!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Do you want to hear a joke about paper?

- Never mind, it's tearable.

 

 

I'm a fan... as you might've already noticed...

 

there was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

---

a man noted for telling puns was locked into a dark closet, and told he would not be released until he made up a pun about the situation

he immediately shouted, 'Oh, pun the door!'

 

mr moderator's (phd esq's), please have a read first

first condom

I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, ‘No, this is my first time.’

So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure.

I apparently still looked confused. So, she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was empty.

‘Just a minute,’ she said, and walked to the door, and locked it.

Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. ‘Do these excite you?’ She asked.

Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her undergarments and lay down on a desk.

‘Well, come on’, she said, ‘We don’t have much time.’

So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOWWWWWWWW, I was done within a few moments.

She looked at me with a bit of a frown. ‘Did you put that condom on?’ she asked.

I said, ‘I sure did,’ and held up my thumb to show her.

She fainted.

 

 

Teenage boy's first girlfriend finally says, yes. He scrounges for spare change before running into the pharmacy. He asks the price for the cheapest option, "$1.99 for 3" the pharmacist said. Larry agreed. The Pharmacist said, "that will be $2.09."
Teenager said, I thought you said, $1.99!"
Pharmacist said, "$2.09 includes tax".
Teenager thought for a moment and finally said, "so that's how you get them to stay on!"

 

 

A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting 
unexplainable wind shifts.

“Do you know where the sensor is located?” my coworker asked.

“Of course,” he responded. “It’s where we park the helicopters.”