Huge amazing winning things.

I'm going to start using my full name. No more GopherT, - finally outing myself. My real name is, Gopher J Trump. Huge amazing winning things is my way of life.

 

So, at what point is this considered political?...

 

And DonnyT's clock is used for...

His clock is an overunity device.

 

Huge amazing winning things.

For a moment there I thought you were referring to Charlie Sheen...

 

So, at what point is this considered political?...

Ask Potter Stewart.

 

Not long ago, Bob was talking to a young good looking woman.
She asked him if he liked breasts or legs.
He told her what he really liked was a shaved snatch.
Apparently Bob is no longer welcome at Kentucky Fried Chicken.

 

Donald Trump doesn't think the whole NCAA basketball tournament should be played. Once the tournament gets down to four teams, the NCAA should just declare a winner based on total points scored.

 

I'm certain Hillary would agree.

 

 

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters.
_____________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
______________________________ ______________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
______________________________ _____________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________ ______________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, "isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
______________________________ ______
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ..
______________________________ _____________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
______________________________ ___________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
_____________________________! _ ______________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney.
Can I get a new attorney?
_______________________ _______ ______________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
______________________________ ______________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about 20, medium height, and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
______________________________ _______
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
______________________________ ___________!
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?
What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________ ___________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And, Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
______________________________ ______________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________ ________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No .
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

 

Here's another joke about out courts.
Judge Joe Baker of Orange County (Orlando) Florida was tried by an ethics committee for reading books about the scientific principles of a case he was trying.
(I still have the newspaper clipping.)

 

Any chance you could scan it and post it? How did the case turn out?

 

As per request: @Wendy

 

I don't know how the trial of the judge ended, but I believe that when a judge is prosecuted for being educated, that qualifies for "The Jokes thread".

I would say the whole legal system is a joke, but that would be a political statement.

 

I don't know how the trial of the judge ended, but I believe that when a judge is prosecuted for being educated, that qualifies for "The Jokes thread".

I would say the whole legal system is a joke, but that would be a political statement.

And yet I'd prefer by far your system of justice, than our system of justice...

 

And yet I'd prefer by far your system of justice, than our system of justice...

Yeah...we could have a very long discussion about that in PM.

 

As per request: @Wendy

That reminds me of the time I found myself in front of a judge. I thought I was making some decent technical points, until the judge looked at me pointed out this was not a court of science, it was a court of law. I knew at that moment I was done for. Facts and logic were unimportant compared to established precedents.

 

Facts and logic were unimportant compared to established precedents.

I was thinking, Lady Justice isn't only blind, she is also ignorant, but stubborn insistence on continued ignorance is called stupidity.

 

There you go, picking on women again.

 

There you go, picking on women again.

It comes with the territory. If the symbol was, "Mister Justice", he would also be guilty of stubborn insistence on continued ignorance.