Would you have felt better if she didn't ask you why you were laughing like an idiot? In other words, a common behavior of yours.

Yeah... I guess we all laugh according to our own limitations

 

I have woke myself up laughing, but it's so rare!
After looking at the Popular Music Thread, I fell asleep and dreamed I was playing The Story in Your Eyes (Moody Blues) with a friend of mine.
Then I woke up and worked on wiring a motorcycle.

 

(Moody Blues) Then I woke up and worked on wiring a motorcycle.

'dreams are the best way to travel'

 

'dreams are the best way to travel'

Cheapest one too....

 

'dreams are the best way to travel'

It is until Intel releases their Augmented Reality headset.

http://fortune.com/2016/03/03/intel-augmented-reality/

 

A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he's allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That's not surprising," the elders say. "You've done nothing but complain since you got here."

 

A man dies. Having a rather evil life he is sent to hell. The devil meets him and tells the man he must pick one of three rooms to spend eternity. The man reluctantly agrees but asks to see the rooms first before making his choice.

The devil takes him to the first room. Inside there are millions of people, the room is so cold, it freezes the flesh from their bodies in agonizing pain. The flesh grows back and the process starts all over again. The man tells the devil, "maybe I better see the next room".

The devil takes the man to the next room which is similar to the first except this time there are flames everywhere burning the flesh of of the bodies rather than freeze it off. The man thinks, this room is not for me, I need to see the other room.

The devil takes the man to the last room. The door opens and the man sees millions of people standing waist deep in shit, drinking coffe . The man thinks, well there is the stinky shit but hey no agonizing pain and I really love coffee. The man tells the devil, "I believe I will take this room". The devil leaves, the door slams shut and is locked. The assistant devil in the room makes an announcement, "OK, coffee break over, everyone back on their heads"!

 

And in the shit theme there is this:

Once upon a time, there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly started to fly south.

In a short time ice began to form on his wings and he fell to earth in a barnyard. Almost frozen, a cow passed by and crapped on the little sparrow. The sparrow thought it was the end. But, the manure warmed him and defrosted his wings. Warm and happy, able to breathe, he started to sing. Just then, a large cat came by and hearing the chirping, investigated the sounds. The cat cleared away the manure, found the chirping bird and ate him.

Morals to the Story

1. Everyone who shits on you is not necessarily your enemy.
2. Everyone who gets you out of the shit is not necessarily your friend.
3. And, if you're warm and happy in a pile of shit, keep your mouth shut!!!

 

The Cardiologist’s Funeral

A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever. At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said, “I’m sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral … I’m a gynecologist.” Just then, the proctologist fainted.

 

​

 

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1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
10. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.
One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
11. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
12. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
13. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
14. A backward poet writes inverse.
15. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
16. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
17. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.
18. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says,
'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'
19. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'
20. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again
that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
21. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?'
The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'
22. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?
His goal: transcend dental medication.
23. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the
puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

 

I Nearly Became A Doctor.

When I was young I decided I wanted to be a doctor, so I took the entrance exam to go to Medical School.

One of the questions asked was to rearrange the letters PNEIS into the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.

Those who answered spine are doctors today. The rest of us are posting jokes on internet forums.

 

 

 

Now that's funny!

 

Candidates Smith and Jones were running for mayor of a small town. At a political meeting, one resident gave a short speech:
You all know about that road that goes north out of town. It is about 2 miles long, real smooth, always plowed the first thing in winter and never has a pot hole.
That is why I am voting for mayor Smith. He already has his road.

 

Now that's funny!

A little, but it's not true.
http://www.snopes.com/donald-trump-hat-china/
http://www.latimes.com/politics/la-pol-ca-trump-hats-cali-fame-carson-20151124-story.html

 

While the kill was about to happen before their eyes, the husband casually remarked, “I’ll bet the antelope gets away.”

The wife answered, “If that antelope survives this one, I’ll give you sex every day for the rest of your life.”

The deadly chase was recorded:

 

 

Wonder Woman! (She shouldn't be needing the goggles, though.)