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ElectricSpidey
- Joined Dec 2, 2017
- 3,362
" And I think my spaceship knows which way to go"
The Jokes thread
- Thread starter R!f@@
- Start date
Delta Prime
- Joined Nov 15, 2019
- 1,311
djsfantasi
- Joined Apr 11, 2010
- 9,237
A large tub of margarine fell on my foot 2 weeks ago and it still hurts.
I can't believe it's not better, it’s only margarinely better.
It’s been Land O’ Aches.
I can't believe it's not better, it’s only margarinely better.
It’s been Land O’ Aches.
Last edited:
"Now, many many years ago
When I was twenty three
I was married to a widow
Who was pretty as could be
This widow had a grown-up daughter
Had hair of red
My father fell in love with her
And soon the two were wed
This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life
My daughter was my mother
'Cause she was my father's wife
To complicate the matters
Even though it brought me joy
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy
My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad
And so became my uncle
Though it made me very sad
For if he was my uncle
That also made him the brother
Of the widow's grown-up daughter
Who, of course, was my step-mother
My father's wife then had a son
That kept them on the run
And he became my grandchild
For he was my daughter's son
My wife is now my mother's mother
And it makes me blue
Because, she is my wife
She's my grandmother too
Now, if my wife is my grandmother
Then, I am her grandchild
And every time I think of it
It nearly drives me wild
For now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw
As husband of my grandmother
I am my own grandpa
When I was twenty three
I was married to a widow
Who was pretty as could be
This widow had a grown-up daughter
Had hair of red
My father fell in love with her
And soon the two were wed
This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life
My daughter was my mother
'Cause she was my father's wife
To complicate the matters
Even though it brought me joy
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy
My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad
And so became my uncle
Though it made me very sad
For if he was my uncle
That also made him the brother
Of the widow's grown-up daughter
Who, of course, was my step-mother
My father's wife then had a son
That kept them on the run
And he became my grandchild
For he was my daughter's son
My wife is now my mother's mother
And it makes me blue
Because, she is my wife
She's my grandmother too
Now, if my wife is my grandmother
Then, I am her grandchild
And every time I think of it
It nearly drives me wild
For now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw
As husband of my grandmother
I am my own grandpa
Dems da kinda songs our good ole boy Ray Stevens - Wikipedia writes.
A woman went to the doctor’s office, where she was seen by a young, new doctor.
After about 4 minutes in the examination room, the doctor told her she was pregnant.
She burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall.
An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story.
After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room.
The doctor marched down the hallway to the back where the first doctor was and demanded,
“What’s the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is a 59 year old widow, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and hasn’t had sex since her husband passed away 7 years ago! Yet you told her she was pregnant?”
The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and without looking up said:
“Does she still have the hiccups?”
After about 4 minutes in the examination room, the doctor told her she was pregnant.
She burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall.
An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story.
After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room.
The doctor marched down the hallway to the back where the first doctor was and demanded,
“What’s the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is a 59 year old widow, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and hasn’t had sex since her husband passed away 7 years ago! Yet you told her she was pregnant?”
The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and without looking up said:
“Does she still have the hiccups?”
A nice, calm, and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “I would like to buy some cyanide.”
The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”
The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.”
The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he exclaimed, “Lord have mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!”
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and said, “You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”
The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”
The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.”
The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he exclaimed, “Lord have mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!”
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and said, “You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”
MaxHeadRoom
- Joined Jul 18, 2013
- 30,876
Careful what you wish for! 
Attachments
geekoftheweek
- Joined Oct 6, 2013
- 1,429
Was going to say an 18 would be even better except I have lost more 10s then I can count
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