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I thought a circus had a juggler.
The Jokes thread
- Thread starter R!f@@
- Start date
A change in wind direction
Seeing one of the children making faces at others in the school playground, Ms Smith went over to offer friendly advice to the child.
Smiling sweetly, she bent down and said, ‘Johnny, when I was a child, my parents told me that if I made an ugly face, the wind might change direction and I would stay like that.’
Little Johnny looked up at her and replied ‘Well Ms Smith, you can’t say you weren’t warned.’
Seeing one of the children making faces at others in the school playground, Ms Smith went over to offer friendly advice to the child.
Smiling sweetly, she bent down and said, ‘Johnny, when I was a child, my parents told me that if I made an ugly face, the wind might change direction and I would stay like that.’
Little Johnny looked up at her and replied ‘Well Ms Smith, you can’t say you weren’t warned.’
President Trump invited the Pope for lunch on his mega yacht, and the Pope accepted. During lunch a puff of wind blew the Pontiff's hat off, right into the water. It floated off about fifty feet, and then it just floated in place. The crew and the Secret Service were scrambling to launch a boat to go and get it, when Trump waved them off, saying, 'Don't bother boys, I'll get it.' The Donald climbed over the side of the yacht , walked on the water to the hat, picked it up, walked back on the water, climbed into the yacht, and handed the Pope his hat. The crew was speechless,
the security team and the Pope's entourage were speechless. No one knew what to say, not even the Pope.
But that afternoon, NBC, CBS, ABC, CNN and MSNBC reported, "Trump can't swim!!
the security team and the Pope's entourage were speechless. No one knew what to say, not even the Pope.
But that afternoon, NBC, CBS, ABC, CNN and MSNBC reported, "Trump can't swim!!
DickCappels
- Joined Aug 21, 2008
- 10,661
We lived in a condo in the South of Bangkok. The telephone lines in the building were very noisy -that was back in the days of dial-up, and I was lucky to stay connected for a few minutes and lucky to send/receive email, never mind surfing the web. These were the days when a separate pair of wires for every telephone number was routed from a substation or a junction box to the individual telephone jack.
One day we were coming into the complex from the street and since it was raining lightly we went through the underground parking lot. Overhead was a tangle of wires like those two posts above where they entered the parking lot near the roof, then ran on another 1,000 meters to the condo buildings. My wife asked what it was, I said "telephone wires". "Oh, now I know why our phone is so crackly."
A week later I paid the equivalent of US$100 to have a private line run to our apartment. Best $100 I ever spent!
One day we were coming into the complex from the street and since it was raining lightly we went through the underground parking lot. Overhead was a tangle of wires like those two posts above where they entered the parking lot near the roof, then ran on another 1,000 meters to the condo buildings. My wife asked what it was, I said "telephone wires". "Oh, now I know why our phone is so crackly."
A week later I paid the equivalent of US$100 to have a private line run to our apartment. Best $100 I ever spent!
The naked truth
Last night I stepped out of the bath and walked into the bedroom.
Standing naked in front of a full-length mirror, admiring my manhood - I said to Mrs Hymie ‘Two inches more and I’d be a King.’
At which she looked over at me and replied ‘Three inches less and you’d be a Queen.’
Last night I stepped out of the bath and walked into the bedroom.
Standing naked in front of a full-length mirror, admiring my manhood - I said to Mrs Hymie ‘Two inches more and I’d be a King.’
At which she looked over at me and replied ‘Three inches less and you’d be a Queen.’
Live until eternity
A man tells his Rabbi, "I have a strong desire to live until eternity - what should I do?"
"Get married" said the Rabbi.
"It's that simple? Would that allow me to live forever?" He said.
The Rabbi replied, "No, but the desire will disappear."
A man tells his Rabbi, "I have a strong desire to live until eternity - what should I do?"
"Get married" said the Rabbi.
"It's that simple? Would that allow me to live forever?" He said.
The Rabbi replied, "No, but the desire will disappear."
Road Traffic Accident
Two carrots were walking together along the road when all of a sudden a car swerved out of control and ran over one of the carrots. His friend immediately called an ambulance and the injured carrot was rushed to hospital. After several hours of surgery, the surgeon emerged from the operating theatre and spoke to the injured carrot’s friend.
The surgeon said that there was good news and bad news; the good news was that his friend would live, the bad news was that he would be a vegetable for the rest of his life.
Two carrots were walking together along the road when all of a sudden a car swerved out of control and ran over one of the carrots. His friend immediately called an ambulance and the injured carrot was rushed to hospital. After several hours of surgery, the surgeon emerged from the operating theatre and spoke to the injured carrot’s friend.
The surgeon said that there was good news and bad news; the good news was that his friend would live, the bad news was that he would be a vegetable for the rest of his life.
yo, Spinnaker! long time no see! where have you been?You should have gone out on a high note.
Riding my bicycle, kayaking, walking. I spend the summer evenings and days outdoors don't mess with the electronics stuff. Only during the winter when it is too cold to do anything.
I don't get it.
The UK, OTOH, has to re-vote on Brexit.
They didn't do it right the first time.
ditto
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