When your girlfriend is angry... and you want to make up:

 

Only those provided by Allah.

Is it strange that you said it.

 

Is it strange that you said it.

I agree. Let's see if we get an explanation.

 

I agree. Let's see if we get an explanation.

Do you really wanna hear it ?

 

Do you really wanna hear it ?

I ignore the exact words, I just like to see which path he takes when he tries to justify his statement. I'll send you a PM with my guesses.

Let's see.

 

A man meets his friend for lunch and notices he has a black eye.

See post #2498 !!
Max.

 

See post #2498 !!
Max.

Ah so maybe the caller was a fellow forum member?

Doubtful he was what we call a "yinser" here in Pittsburgh.

 

Maybe, I first heard it back in the UK in the '60's.
Max.

 

Maybe, I first heard it back in the UK in the '60's.
Max.

I heard my version from an Englishman. Tony Snell, a Vaudeville performer. He had an act at his place he called the Last Resort, a small island just off of Beef Island in the BVI. His island is now a part of the airport runway on Beef Island.

 

I heard my version from an Englishman. Tony Snell, a Vaudeville performer. He had an act at his place he called the Last Resort... now a part of the airport runway on Beef Island.

Talk about playing for a tough crowd.

 

I heard my version from an Englishman. Tony Snell, a Vaudeville performer. He had an act at his place he called the Last Resort, a small island just off of Beef Island in the BVI. His island is now a part of the airport runway on Beef Island.

I don't recall ever hearing of him in the UK and I grew up there at that time.
https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2013/aug/21/tony-snell-obituary
Max.

 

I don't recall ever hearing of him in the UK and I grew up there at that time.
https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2013/aug/21/tony-snell-obituary
Max.

Thanks for posting. I did not know he passed so sad. Just learned a lot about him that I never knew. He didn't seem to say much to guests but then again he was so hard to understand. And I was wrong Beellamy Cay is still there! Maybe I am remembering that they were supposed to take it. I have not been to the BVI in years. Things have really changed and not for the good I understand. I imagine Mr. Kilbride (sp?) is dead. Twenty years ago he was 91 years old and still scuba diving for lobster. He was a character.

I swear Tony ate roast beef and baked beans pretty much every day of his life. That was what was on the buffet along with fish and a couple of other things.

I was hoping to find his full sailing parody song. There is a bit at 1:13. It is hilarious. The woman right after is his daughter. Incredibly talented. The donkey mentioned died of liver disease. I was also hoping to find his church joke but couldn't find it. .

Here's to Tony!

 

US and Canadian officials toured the Dakota Pipeline route yesterday.
Government spokespersons said all went well........

 

Elderly Couple Texting

Modern Love Story

An elderly couple had just learned how to send text messages on their mobile phones.

The wife was a romantic type and the husband was more of a no-nonsense guy.

One afternoon the wife went out to meet a friend for coffee. She decided to send her husband a romantic text message and she wrote:

"If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile.

If you are eating, send me a bite.

If you are drinking, send me a sip.

If you are crying, send me your tears.

I love you."

The husband texted back to her:

"I'm on the toilet. Please advise.

 

A Women's Seminar:





A Women's Seminar:

A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with their husbands. The women were asked, "How many of you love your husband?" All the women raised their hands.

Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?" Some women answered "today," a few "yesterday," and some couldn't remember.

The women were thentold to take out their cell phones and text their husband: "I love you, sweetheart." Next the women were instructed to exchange phones with another woman and read aloud the text message she received in response to her message.

Below are 11 replies. If you have been married for quite a while, you will understand that these replies are a sign of love....who else would reply in such a succinct and honest way?

1. Who the hell is this?

2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what?

3. Yeah, and I love you too. What's wrong?

4. What now? Did you wreck the car again?

5. I don't understand what you mean?

6. What the hell did you do now?

7. Don't beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need?

8. Am I dreaming?

9. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.

10. I thought we agreed you wouldn't drink during the day.

11. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn't she?

 

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That's a wife I wouldn't want to meet.
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That's a wife I wouldn't want to meet.
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View attachment 120768​

Why is hubby smiling?

Edit: Oh! He's faking it so the wifey doesn't turn the other way...

 

That's a wife I wouldn't want to meet.
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View attachment 120768​

My co-worker used the Imperial Death March as his wife's ring tone.