In my case, I got all the education I needed about the poor "Oakies" after reading "The Grapes of Wrath" by John Steinbeck
The Jokes thread
- Thread starter R!f@@
- Start date
Penguins are funnier.
Very funny movie.and I learned everything I know about Mexico from the 3 Amigos.
But two of the "amigos" were gringos, and the other one Canadian. Very funny movie.
So what are you saying? The whole movie is a lie? It is not a depiction of life in Mexico?
What, Hollywood being historically inaccurate? naaaaahhhhhh!!!!So what are you saying? The whole movie is a lie? It is not a depiction of life in Mexico?
Wait, are you saying my Ironman costume might not help me fly?!What, Hollywood being historically inaccurate? naaaaahhhhhh!!!!
How far up are you into assembling the thing? I think the store will let you return it if you're below 50%... otherwise they might let you trade it for a pair of adamantium claws... or perhaps a few dilitium crystals for your warp drive engine...
Math Aptitude Test
An Italian man wants a job, but the foreman won’t hire him until he passes a little math test.
“Here’s your first question,” the foreman said. “Without using numbers, represent the number 9.”
“Without numbers?” the Italian says, “Data easy.” and he proceeds to draw three trees.
“What’s this?” the boss asks.
“Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make a nine,” says the Italian.
“Fair enough,” says the boss. “Here’s your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99.”
The Italian stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. “Ere you go.”
The boss scratches his head and says, “How on earth do you get that to represent 99?”
“Each of da trees isa dirty now. So, itsa dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99.”
The boss is getting worried that he’s going to actually have to hire this Italian, so he says, “All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100.”
The Italian stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, “Ere you go. One hundred.”
The boss looks at the attempt. “You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!”
The Italian leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, “A little doga came along and crapa by eacha tree. So now you gota dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, data makea one hundred. So, when I’m a gonna start?”
An Italian man wants a job, but the foreman won’t hire him until he passes a little math test.
“Here’s your first question,” the foreman said. “Without using numbers, represent the number 9.”
“Without numbers?” the Italian says, “Data easy.” and he proceeds to draw three trees.
“What’s this?” the boss asks.
“Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make a nine,” says the Italian.
“Fair enough,” says the boss. “Here’s your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99.”
The Italian stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. “Ere you go.”
The boss scratches his head and says, “How on earth do you get that to represent 99?”
“Each of da trees isa dirty now. So, itsa dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99.”
The boss is getting worried that he’s going to actually have to hire this Italian, so he says, “All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100.”
The Italian stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, “Ere you go. One hundred.”
The boss looks at the attempt. “You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!”
The Italian leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, “A little doga came along and crapa by eacha tree. So now you gota dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, data makea one hundred. So, when I’m a gonna start?”
A tough looking group of hairy bikers are riding when they see a gorgeous blonde about to jump off a bridge, so they stop.
The leader, George, a big burly man, gets off his bike, walks through the crowd and the cops and says, "Hello sweetie, what are you doing?" - "I'm going to commit suicide," she says.
While he doesn’t want to appear insensitive, he also doesn’t want to miss an opportunity, so he asks, "Well, before you jump, why don't you give big George a kiss?" ... And so she does, and it is a long, deep, lingering kiss, all the while she's prostrated atop the bridge's railing. After she's finished, the tough, hairy biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I’ve ever had! That's a real talent you’re wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?" - "My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl…"
It hasn't been cleared yet if the victim jumped or was pushed to her death.
The leader, George, a big burly man, gets off his bike, walks through the crowd and the cops and says, "Hello sweetie, what are you doing?" - "I'm going to commit suicide," she says.
While he doesn’t want to appear insensitive, he also doesn’t want to miss an opportunity, so he asks, "Well, before you jump, why don't you give big George a kiss?" ... And so she does, and it is a long, deep, lingering kiss, all the while she's prostrated atop the bridge's railing. After she's finished, the tough, hairy biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I’ve ever had! That's a real talent you’re wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?" - "My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl…"
It hasn't been cleared yet if the victim jumped or was pushed to her death.
Alan and Sandra lived on a cove at Gull Lake, Alberta. It was early winter and the lower portion of the cove had frozen over. Alan asked Sandra if she would walk across the frozen part of the cove to the general store and get him some smokes and beer.
She asked him for some money, but he told her, "Nah, just put it on our tab. Old man Stacey won't mind."
So Sandra, being the good wife and Alan's true love, walked across the ice, got the smokes and beer at the store and then walked back home across the cove.
When she got home with the items she said, "Alan, you always tell me not to run up the tab at Stacey's store. Why didn't you just give me some money?"
Alan replied, "Well, Sandra, I didn't want to send you out there with cash when I wasn't sure how thick the ice was!"
She asked him for some money, but he told her, "Nah, just put it on our tab. Old man Stacey won't mind."
So Sandra, being the good wife and Alan's true love, walked across the ice, got the smokes and beer at the store and then walked back home across the cove.
When she got home with the items she said, "Alan, you always tell me not to run up the tab at Stacey's store. Why didn't you just give me some money?"
Alan replied, "Well, Sandra, I didn't want to send you out there with cash when I wasn't sure how thick the ice was!"
I can't see that without recalling this, perhaps the stupidest patent ever granted.
https://docs.google.com/viewer?url=patentimages.storage.googleapis.com/pdfs/US6368227.pdf
https://docs.google.com/viewer?url=patentimages.storage.googleapis.com/pdfs/US6368227.pdf
I find it hard to believe that someone would actually pay to have the "idea" patented. It is curious that the filer is Steven Olson and the attorney, agent, or firm is Peter Lowell Olson. This makes me think there is an inside joke involved. Fortunately, for societies' benifit, the patent was reexamined.
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