It depends.

I suppose, if you need to wear them.

 

I suppose, if you need to wear them.

Is that what happens to you old guys? Sorry to hear that.
Maybe you could use the excuse my grandma used - she would claim she was so happy that tears were running down her leg.

 

Maybe you could use the excuse my grandma used - she would claim she was so happy that tears were running down her leg.

I remember her. Sweet gal.

But she always complained about her knucklehead of a grandson.

 

In order for such a joke to be funny, it must at least possess a modicum of truth.

You can put them on your roof. You don't need to put them in Rhode Island.

 

You can put them on your roof. You don't need to put them in Rhode Island.

The way that article was written made me laugh - "an area the size of New Hampshire and Rhode Island". How long did that take them to figure out and how helpful is that to the reader? Maybe, they couldn't spell Massachusetts so they didn't use that as the single-state example.

I would have liked to see something like, "an area the size of West Virginia minus the area of Maryland."

 

In order for such a joke to be funny, it must at least possess a modicum of truth.

Not since the supreme leader took office, alternate facts work for most everything now.

 

Let's get back to the jokes please and keep politics from infecting yet another thread.

 

Let's get back to the jokes please and keep politics from infecting yet another thread.

Yeah... enough shitpoints for today... as a friend likes to say...

 

​

 

New Element Discovered


Scientists at CERN in Geneva have announced the discovery of the HEAVIEST element yet known to science.

AND yes ... it was discovered in South Africa, which is now the leading producer.

The new element is Governmentium (Gv). It has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lefton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons or protons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes in contact.

A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction normally taking less than a second to take from four days to four years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years. It does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganisation inwhich a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganisation will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons. All of the money is consumed in the exchange, and no other by-products are produced.








.

 

New Element Discovered


Scientists at CERN in Geneva have announced the discovery of the HEAVIEST element yet known to science.

AND yes ... it was discovered in South Africa, which is now the leading producer.

The new element is Governmentium (Gv). It has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lefton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons or protons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes in contact.

A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction normally taking less than a second to take from four days to four years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years. It does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganisation inwhich a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganisation will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons. All of the money is consumed in the exchange, and no other by-products are produced.

I've seen this one before...always funny.

I could only wish that I was such a prolific punner.

 

Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on a park bench one morning. The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath. The 80-year-old was amazed at the guy's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 87-year-old said, "Well, I eat Jewish rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies. You'll feel like 40 again!"

So, on the way home the 80-year-old stopped at the bakery. As he was looking around, the saleslady asked if he needed any help.

He said, "Do you have any Jewish rye bread?"

She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"

He said, "I want five loaves." She said, "My goodness, five loaves! By the time you get to the 3rd loaf, it'll be hard."

He replied, "I can't believe it. Everybody knows about this but me."

 

​

 

In short, there are none ?

 

In short, there are none ?

In short... you'll find them when you find a spherical planet with corners in it...

 

In order for such a joke to be funny, it must at least possess a modicum of truth.

Agreed, I think under the circumstances our pursuit of such energy economics without full disclosure and return on investment the reverse is true and "oil should be replaced with solar" in the joke. But, it still isn't funny.

kv

 

In short, there are none ?

Only those provided by Allah.

 

In short, there are none ?

only the one bus has

 

A man meets his friend for lunch and notices he has a black eye. How did you get that black eye, friend #1 asks. Friend #2 responds I got it in church. In church!, friend #1 exclaims. How did that happen? Friend #2 responds, well we stood for the hymn and I noticed the woman in front of me had her dress tucked in the crack of her bum, so I pulled it out for her. She turned around and socked me right in the eye.

A week goes by and again the friends meet for lunch. Friend #2 has another black eye. Friend #1 inquires, how did you get another black eye?

I got it in church again. We stood for the hymn again and the same woman had her dress stuck again. Please don't tell me you pulled the dress out of that woman's bum again?, friend #1 asks. No, no friend #2 exclaims. The fellow next to me pulled it out. I knew she didn't like that so I tucked it back in again.


As a side story I spent 8 hours in the ER with my mom on Saturday (she is ok now relatively speaking). I told her this joke to cheer her up. Wouldn't you know I heard the very same joke the next day on a local talk station. We were in a private room. I can't imagine anyone heard me. What makes it more curious is I had to tell the joke in two parts as I was interrupted by the doctor.

 

For the ladies that are Valentine's challenged, here's a guide to interpret the meaning behind the color of a rose given to you:

If he gives you:
- Red roses: he wants passion and sex.
- Pink roses: he wants friendship and sex.
- White roses: he wants purity and sex.
- No roses: he's poor, and he wants sex.