Good Lord... if what you're saying is no joke, then your pal had a death wish...

Either that, or he was a cat.

I am assuming there were lives @#12 didn't know about.

 

Either that, or he was a cat.

well, in the feline world there are cute and wimpy homey pussy cats... and then there are panthers, tigers and lions... maybe he was trying to prove that he belonged to the latter group...

 

Good Lord... if what you're saying is no joke, then your pal had a death wish...

More like that dog in post #1611. "notoriously hard workers, but they have no brains or personal sense of safety."

 

Either that, or he was a cat.

I am assuming there were lives @#12 didn't know about.

I believe you're right. I heard about the time he drank gasoline because he thought it was a glass of water. He always talked with a gargle because of the guy who broke his hyoid bone for being obnoxious. The first year he worked in air conditioning, we weren't betting on whether he'd ever be good at the job, we were betting on whether he would survive. I mean, this is the guy who unplugged the power meter on a house and used a wire brush to clean the socket contacts. Fortunately, only the wire parts exploded. Two broken backs, fell off a ladder twice,

So, I knew where 7 of his lives went. The .357 must have been the ninth one.

 

A company is having difficulties with one of their chemical processes so they hire a consultant to help fix the problem.
The consultant meets with the production supervisor and has the problem described to him.
After listening for a bit he takes out a hammer and goes over to a pipe and hits it.
The process starts working so he writes out a bill and presents it to the plant manager.
The manager looks at the bill and says, "200 dollars! I was watching and all you did was hit a pipe with a hammer!".
The consultant nods his head and takes back the bill and adds the note: "Hitting pipe with hammer: $5. Knowing where to hit pipe with hammer: $195".


This reminds me of a true story told by my tech school instructor:

An independent TV repairman -- that is a one-man-shop -- was having trouble repairing a TV.
Finally he swallowed his pride and took the TV to the local factory repair depot for that brand.
He puts the TV on the counter and describes the problem. Without saying a word, the counter guy takes the back off the TV, reaches inside and cut out a resistor. He then replaced the back and turned the TV on to show it worked.
The independent repairman was so insulted that he just took the TV an left.
Later he found out that not offense was intended. The factory guy had seen this failure so many times that he knew exactly how to fix it.
It would have been nice if he had told the repairman what he was doing.

 

"Hitting pipe with hammer: $5. Knowing where to hit pipe with hammer: $195".

The first time I heard this joke, it was about an IBM computer. I used the exact same joke on a customer in 1986. The outside fan of an air conditioner would not stop running. Being recently out of surgery, I went over to the machine, whacked it with my cane in exactly the right place, and the fan stopped.

The fan relay in that machine got welded, "on" so often that I knew exactly where the relay was and how hard to whack it.

 

I knew exactly where the relay was and how hard to whack it.

Wow... first time I've heard of a professional whacker who's not in the mafia...

 

Wow... first time I've heard of a professional whacker who's not in the mafia...

You're a little slow today, Martinez. There are so many worse ways to talk about me "whacking it".

 

You're a little slow today, Martinez. There are so many worse ways to talk about me "whacking it".

Are you still able to do that kind of whacking?

 

Are you still able to do that kind of whacking?

You mean as the whacker or the whakee?

 

Are you still able to do that kind of whacking?

The only legs I got broken were the ones with permanent bones in them.

 

This one makes me jealous. If I was a Saudi millionaire, I could accidentally fall on a woman and impregnate her without any bones at all!

https://www.rt.com/uk/326057-millionaire-accidentally-raped-teenager/

 

This one makes me jealous. If I was a Saudi millionaire, I could accidentally fall on a woman and impregnate her without any bones at all!

https://www.rt.com/uk/326057-millionaire-accidentally-raped-teenager/

Explains a lot.

 

On the other hand:

 

Da-Yum! Took me 3 tries to figure that one out. Good joke!
I was all wondering who got the most benefit from those Burkas, the people walking around anonymously as if they are wearing an invisibility cloak, or the people that don't have to look at their faces. About 3 seconds later, the joke sank in. Got nuthin' to do with Burkas. Got me to change the size of my thought world by at least 2 notches.

Salute, boatsman. That one and a cup of coffee is making this day start out very well for me.

 

You're starting your day at noon????

 

You're starting your day at noon????

I am searching for a nice way to say you just poked a porcupine.

Person-to-person, I'm sure we would be best of friends, but in those circumstances, you would know how and why my days and nights get turned upside down by the work I do.

I do not respect the clock or the calendar because machines break any time they feel like breaking. When a refrigerator was peeing in the floor yesterday, I was there in 20 minutes and I stayed until the customer could sleep in peace. I don't care if it's half-passed July or Christmas Day. I have started jobs at 8 A.M. and finished after midnight, and I have started jobs at sunset and worked until after dawn, because that's what the machine needed, but I have NEVER allowed a person to tell me when I can work or when I can sleep.

I hope you have a 9 to 5 job that pays very well and a wife that loves you every day of your life. I hope you enjoy seeing the sun rise because you sleep so well at night. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't, but it's my choice.

 

I hope you have a 9 to 5 job that pays very well and a wife that loves you every day of your life. I hope you enjoy seeing the sun rise because you sleep so well at night. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't, but it's my choice.

Well... I certainly didn't mean to poke a porcupine (I like hedgehogs better, btw), I was surprised in part because your routine sounds pretty much like mine would be, if it weren't for the wife... Sometimes I do exactly what you've just described, but then I have to pay for it, listening to complaints on why my schedule can't be like other people... it's because I have my own business, and I have no one to answer to except the customer, I tell her... but no... it seems that I have to answer to her too... describing the loud and constant arguments that we had when we were just married would take too much space here (and you'd probably find it annoying and uninteresting too). So let's just say that we've reached a middle ground in which she doesn't complain as long as I don't do it too often... And no, I don't have a 9 to 5 job with a weekly paycheck. I just grab any job I that can get, and it seems that in the following weeks I'm gonna be busy 24/7, even on Christmas and new year's eve.... we'll see how it goes.

 

it's because I have my own business, and I have no one to answer to except the customer,

And that is probably part of why I'm not married.




Pick one...or two...or three.

No woman ever left because the only reason I wear a watch is that I forget what day it is. In fact, I can't remember one that complained about my hours. The real reasons would require a medium sized book. (Call me back when you have about 3 years to talk about it.) Mostly the arguments are not about the words that are being said, they are about the emotions that are not being said. That's why, "fixing the problem" never fixes the problem. It just leaves a lot of emotions unsaid.

I resolved that I could never fix most of the problems. I settled for dedicating everything I had and everything I was to my marriage, every day of my life. I got so tired of watching a woman cry about things that existed only in her mind. I eventually noticed that I was happier without them.

Whomever has them now, God Bless. They are going to need it.

As for when I, "start my day"? You can start complaining right after we get married.

 

As for when I, "start my day"? You can start complaining right after we get married.

please... don't go there, man!
was that the porcupine pricking the naïve meddler? ... ouch!

ok... I'm back to minding my own business...