I like the opening line "It's hear!" ... but, bummer... my favorite pet is an aardvark and I can't get rid of it just to listen to this marvel...

Probably for the best. But if you change your mind about the aardvark...

A friend says it is "Best used with a Crown Belchfire BF-6000SUX amplifier." Here is more information:
http://www.manualslib.com/manual/33735/Crown-Belchfire-Series-Bf-6000-Sux.html

 

View attachment 94599 View attachment 94600

I thought wow was bad. Along with flutter.

 

English to become official language of the EU *

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

I would love to write in such way on this forum .

 

I thought wow was bad. Along with flutter.

With sophisticated technology like that does it matter?!

 

 

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and it will definitely restrict the flow of blood if it bites you...

 

I have no idea if the following is appropriate. Mods: delete if necessary.


Business was terrible and not picking up.
The boss had to fire somebody; he narrowed it down to one of two people, Shirley or Jack.
It was an impossible decision because they were both super workers.
Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.
Shirley came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying all night.
She went to the cooler to take an aspirin.
The boss approached her and said: "Shirley, I've never done this before but I have to either lay you or Jack off."
"Could you jack off?" she says. "I feel like crap."

 

Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree?
A: Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!

---

Sex is like math.
Add a bed, Subtract the clothes, Divide the legs, and pray you don't Multiply!

---

Q: Why are public hairs so curly?
A: So they don't poke out your eyes.

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/me runs and hides

 

i come back

---

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?'
The other replied,
'Yes, I am, I married the wrong man.'

---

My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous.

The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.

---

Judge Jeffries was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asks, 'What exactly are the grounds for your divorce?'

Amy replied, 'Approximately four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.'

'No,' Judge Jeffries continued, 'I mean what is the foundation of this case?'

'It is made of concrete, brick and mortar,' responded Amy promptly.

'I mean,' he sighed, 'What are your relations like?'

'Ah well, I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents.'

Judge Jeffries asked, 'Do you have a real grudge?'

'No, we haven't,' Amy replied, 'We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one.'

'Please,' Judge Jeffries took a deep breath and tried again, 'is there any infidelity in your marriage?'

'Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes,' smiled Amy.

'Ma'am,' Judge Jeffries raised his voice, 'does your husband ever beat you up?'

'Oh yes,' Amy responded, 'about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do.'

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, 'Lady, why do you want a divorce?'

'Oh, I don't want a divorce,' Amy replied. 'I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me.'

 

- Are you Portuguese?
- No, I'm Portuone. I'm not two!

 

In a similar thread:
Psychiatrist to patient; 'Do you suffer from indecent thoughts?' Patient; 'No I rather enjoy them.'

 

In a similar thread:
Psychiatrist to patient; 'Do you suffer from indecent thoughts?' Patient; 'No I rather enjoy them.'

Similarly:

"I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it."

 

She was the telegraphers daughter


she did it did it did it...

 

She was the telegraphers daughter


she did it did it did it...

How fast?

 

How fast?

let's just say she dashed after each dot....

 

let's just say she dashed after each dot....

You're getting the hang of it! Keep it up, and soon you'll be as annoying as me!

 

You're getting the hang of it! Keep it up, and soon you'll be as annoying as me!

Is that even possible? just kidding.

 

Is that even possible? just kidding.

---

just deleted all the German names off of my phone, it's Hans free

---

man has died after falling in a vat of coffee, it was instant

---

grandad walks into the room with his rackle out, smothered in boot polish
bless him, he misheard when we told him to turn his clock back

---

lonely pyromaniac still looking for a perfect match

---

2 dead canaries for sale at ebay

not going cheep

---

takes a lot of balls to play golf the way i do

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there were a couple of girls banging on my bedroom door last night, i let them out this morning

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the sperm bank staff gathered in the car park BEFORE the fire alarm started

was a premature evacuation

 

grandad walks into the room with his rackle out, smothered in boot polish
bless him, he misheard when we told him to turn his clock back

Groan. This is completely uncalled for. 10 lashes with a wet noodle for you.

 

You're getting the hang of it! Keep it up, and soon you'll be as annoying as me!

Thanks... I've got a great teacher!