Arteries in your fingertips? ... lol!

Isn't it fun examining the ways one can, "trigger" a, "feminist" or be called, "sexist"?

It should be obvious that I identify with the man on the ladder and remain completely clueless about people who pretend to be offended by the most ordinary conversations. "Snowflakes" and, "safe spaces" anybody?

I've posted this before, but here is my opinion again:

 

Isn't it fun examining the ways one can, "trigger" a, "feminist" or be called, "sexist"?

Does that apply to other things, like "ageist" and "austerityist"? A new word is born, "austerityist".

 

All jokes aside, there'll be no life expectancy growing by leaps and bounds simply through eating green vegetables.

Look at this graph:

View attachment 79387

Lower infant mortality, and better nutrition, medicine, and technology has inflated the area under the curve over the past 100 years, but, there is, and always has been a brick wall between 100 and 110 years old. IMHO, only genetic engineering will start pushing this graph right-ward. Not food.

As usual, I was years ahead of my time in posting this. Amazing that some actually get paid for what I do for free...

 

So they stopped.
George, their leader, a big burly man of 53,gets off his Harley, walks through a group ofgawkers, past the State Trooper who was tryingto talk her down off the railing, and says, "HeyBaby.....whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?"She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!!"
While he didn't want to appear too "insensitive,"George also didn't want to miss this "be-a-legend"opportunity either so he asked ..."Well, before youjump, Honey-Babe...why don't you give ol' Georgehere your best last kiss?"
So with no hesitation at all, she leaned back overthe railing and did just that ...and it was a long,deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by anothereven better one. After they breathlessly finished,George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper,and then says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I haveever had! That's a real talent you're wasting thereSugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode withme. Why are you committing suicide?""My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."

It's still unclear whether he jumped or was pushed.

 

So they stopped.
George, their leader, a big burly man of 53,gets off his Harley, walks through a group ofgawkers, past the State Trooper who was tryingto talk her down off the railing, and says, "HeyBaby.....whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?"She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!!"
While he didn't want to appear too "insensitive,"George also didn't want to miss this "be-a-legend"opportunity either so he asked ..."Well, before youjump, Honey-Babe...why don't you give ol' Georgehere your best last kiss?"
So with no hesitation at all, she leaned back overthe railing and did just that ...and it was a long,deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by anothereven better one. After they breathlessly finished,George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper,and then says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I haveever had! That's a real talent you're wasting thereSugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode withme. Why are you committing suicide?""My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."

It's still unclear whether he jumped or was pushed.

You do know this is a joke thread right?

That is an awful lot of effort for such a horrendous "joke".

 

Try not to laugh:

 

Try not to laugh:

I am going to try not to look.

 

What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One's a little heavy and one's a little lighter.

 

This is why I use one computer to play first and then battle the other computer with those moves.

 

One of my favorite jokes was the cartoon series Beanie & Cecile which ran in the 1960s.

The humor was parallel to Mad Magazine which I also started reading in the 1960s.

 

Spotted outside my favorite grocery store yesterday:

 

 

View attachment 134524

New rule, if someone is going to post on the Jokes Thread, they have to read through all the jokes first.

Below are listed only the versions with text, unfortunately, your "image only" versions of this joke are not searchable. I think someone posts this joke about one per year (or more)...

https://forum.allaboutcircuits.com/threads/the-jokes-thread.60389/page-47#post-823915

https://forum.allaboutcircuits.com/threads/the-jokes-thread.60389/page-109#post-1015189

 

I GOT MY CONCEALED CARRY PERMIT YESTERDAY MORNING.

In the afternoon, I went over to the local Bass Pro Shop to get a 9mm handgun for home/personal protection. When I was ready to pay for the pistol and ammo, the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me."

Making a mental note to complain to the NRA about the gun control wackos running amok, I did just as she had instructed.

When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out she was referring to how I should place my credit card in the card reader!

As a senior citizen, I do not get flustered often, but this time it took me a while to get my pants back on.

I've been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.

They need to make their instructions to seniors a little more clear.

I still don't think I looked that bad! Just need to wear underwear more often.

 

This made me picture @joeyd999 and his pond.

 

​

 

View attachment 135239​

A finger from each hand would be far more effective. The manufacturer really should update that photo.

 

A little off color... but not by much

​

 

No Comment.
Max.

 

I asked my wife to toss me the newspaper.

She said, "Here, use my iPad."

That spider never knew what hit it.