The Jokes thread

wayneh

Joined Sep 9, 2010
18,104
It's obviously photoshopped, but it's got rather funny points:
My first boss used to tell me that when you buy a house, the company gets ahold of your left nut. When you get married, the company grabs the right. When kids come, they begin to squeeze.

sorry, I don't know how the text got centered or how to turn it off​
 

cmartinez

Joined Jan 17, 2007
8,762
My first boss used to tell me that when you buy a house, the company gets ahold of your left nut. When you get married, the company grabs the right. When kids come, they begin to squeeze.

sorry, I don't know how the text got centered or how to turn it off​
Just as long they don't squeeze hard enough to start milking you... :eek::confused: .... uuugghhhh... :eek::D

PS: At the top of the message text box, just select your text and then click on the text justify button to select which alignment you want.
upload_2017-3-31_15-42-18.png
 

joeyd999

Joined Jun 6, 2011
6,281
A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector called his client.

"I have some good news, and I have some bad news."

The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day. Give me the good news first."

The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today. She informed me that she just invested $5,000 in two pictures. She believes they will bring in $15 to $20 million, and I think she could be right."

Saul replied enthusiastically, "Wow! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman and you just made my day! Now I can handle the bad news. What is it?"

The lawyer replied, "The pictures are of you and your secretary."
 

joeyd999

Joined Jun 6, 2011
6,281
Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, "Will you marry me?"

The Princess immediately said, "No!"

And the Prince lived happily ever after, and rode motorcycles
and dated thin, long-legged, full-breasted women,
and hunted and fished and raced cars,
and went to titty bars and dated ladies half his age
and drank whiskey, beer, and Captain Morgan,
and never heard bitching and never paid child support or alimony,
and dated cheerleaders and kept his house and guns,
and ate spam and potato chips and beans, and blew enormous farts,
and never got cheated on while he was at work,
and all his friends and family thought he was cool as heck,
and he had tons of money in the bank,
and left the toilet seat up.

The End.
 
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