To everything there is a season...

cmartinez

Joined Jan 17, 2007
7,312
Good Lord... I'm absolutely speechless...

You have made an enormous difference, my friend. You have no idea of how much your help has meant to me. It has not only helped me professionally, but has also helped me feed my family and hence indirectly you've made a difference to them as well. And this coming from an acquaintance you have in a website somewhere in the cloud of cyberspace.... I can only imagine all of the positive influence your example, actions and advice have made in those that have been lucky enough to know you personally.

My prayers and thoughts will be with you and your family. God bless.
 

peterdeco

Joined Oct 8, 2019
348
This is the first time I clicked on this post. I am so sorry for your news. Keep alternative medicine in mind. A while back I heard someone with inoperable brain cancer making a recovery with cannabis.
 

strantor

Joined Oct 3, 2010
5,534
the verdict is in: Stage 4 malignant cancer, inoperable and incurable, of the pancreas, liver and stomach. If I opt for the most aggresive form of chemotherapy, the docs are predicting I'll be around for another couple of months to perhaps a year, maybe two. But no more.
This is no platitude and I'm not trying to make this about me or peddle false hope... I don't know if this is appropriate to say, or not, because it's your life we are talking about and I don't want to come across as cheapening the seriousness of your plight.. But I'll choose to say it because I think it's possible that attitude plays as big of a role as medicine. Everyone I know who has received that prognosis, has proven it laughably wrong.

My grandmother was given a few months to a year, when I was about 15 y/o. I made my peace with it. I visited her often in those next months, I loved, I grieved, I prepared, and I moved on. Before she died. I prepared myself for her to be gone, and she didn't go. 10 more years she stayed with us, in relatively good physical health. It was tragic that, I think to some extent I had actually let her die in my mind.

My uncle started losing weight unexplained. He got checked out and his prognosis was almost verbatim what you wrote. He was given a few months as well. 5 or 6 years later he passed (last year). And he seemed outwardly healthy during all those years. He did get weak after every round of chemo but sprang back fast. He was strong, vibrant, and continued working until about a month from the end. I did not let myself view him through the same eyes that I viewed my grandmother through. I had learned my lesson. I was right. I handled his death with what I think is the appropriate order of grieving.

My other uncle (I barely knew him) was the same story. Given no more than a year and stayed around for nearly a decade.

I know 0 people who given such a prognosis and fulfilled it.

I think that when doctors have no confidence in their estimates, they just err on the side of "caution" and deliver the worst conceivable prognosis. I'm sure they think that preparing their patients for the worst is the most prudent course of action (so they get their affairs in order and such), maybe they're right. But there are emotional and psychological consequences that ripple outwards from the patient and I don't think those are accounted for in the doctor's decision. When you're talking face to face with someone about their fate and you can't possibly know what it holds (other than a certain assured eventuality) what do you deliver? False hope or the destruction of all hope? It's a tough call. I'm glad I don't have to make it.

I say all that to say this: don't let the prognosis be a self fulfilling prophesy. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. I seriously think that your outlook effects your outcome to an appreciable degree. All the people I mentioned were stubbornasses who refused to comply. Maybe that's coincidence, I don't know. Maybe I'm creating some pretense that if your prognosis proves true that means you "didn't try hard enough." I don't know. But I think it can't hurt to maintain a positive outlook. I know, easy for me to say, I don't have cancer. But I dont know what else TO say. I'm not saying goodbye though. You won't get that from me, not yet.
 

Thread Starter

OBW0549

Joined Mar 2, 2015
3,566
Thanks for your reply. It crystallized some things for me.

But I'll choose to say it because I think it's possible that attitude plays as big of a role as medicine. Everyone I know who has received that prognosis, has proven it laughably wrong.
Right there, you've nailed it: that's the exact reason I've chosen, over the last couple of days, to go with the most aggressive chemotherapy available and fight this thing as hard as I can. My own father was diagnosed with terminal cancer back in the early 1970's but managed to live another very fulfilling 25 years. So I'm not giving up.

It's also the reason for moving to Pittsburgh. I expect that the cancer treatments are going to be tough going, and being just a few minutes away from my son and his wife and the grandkids (ages 9 and 5) instead of 5 hours away will make a big difference in my attitude and resiliency. So that will be therapeutic, too.

Again, thanks.
 

Thread Starter

OBW0549

Joined Mar 2, 2015
3,566
P.S. I have an absolutely TITANIC collection of electronic parts and equipment that neither of my sons has any interest in, and will happily give them away free to anyone interested. Only catch is, you'll have to come here and get them; I'd suggest either a pickup truck or large SUV. Let me know; first come, first served.
At this point it looks like the lab will be going with me: in the town where my son & family live (Cranberry Township, PA, about 20 miles north of Pittsburgh) I've found a TON of nice 2-bedroom apartments (one BR to sleep in, the other for my hobby) at very reasonable rents.

If I change my mind, I'll let you know...
 

WBahn

Joined Mar 31, 2012
26,398
At this point it looks like the lab will be going with me: in the town where my son & family live (Cranberry Township, PA, about 20 miles north of Pittsburgh) I've found a TON of nice 2-bedroom apartments (one BR to sleep in, the other for my hobby) at very reasonable rents.

If I change my mind, I'll let you know...
VERY happy to hear that -- the person that can get the most enjoyment out of that stuff is you.
 

wayneh

Joined Sep 9, 2010
17,152
I sent Dave a PM on Dec 19th, and he has not yet responded... Anyone heard any news about his well being?
Thanks for tickling this thread. Some may have noticed I've been away for a while and I'm very sad that I missed the start of this thread. I might never have learned the news if the thread didn't come up under "recent posts".

One of my fonder memories of the AAC forum is the evening I spent with Dave on the banks of the Rock River having dinner and drinks under the open sky. This was a stop along Dave's epic road trip, June '19.

A different sort of journey this time.
 

Reloadron

Joined Jan 15, 2015
5,916
Dave, I am sorry to hear all of this. I am pleased we had the opportunity to meet and catch a dinner together during one of your road trips. Like wayneh I just happened on this thread. If health allows by all means take another trip. Hey once you are settled in the Pittsburgh area maybe I can come and visit you.

Ron
 

wayneh

Joined Sep 9, 2010
17,152
It seems a few here know him personally. Has anyone searched his real name and location for an update?
I've tried but I'm embarrassed to say I can't recall his last name. I do have his cellphone number but all the reverse lookup providers charge a small fee to reveal the name and address info. I'll go ahead and do that if there's no better way. Perhaps an admin here can provide a little information? Send me a PM with a few more clues and I can run it down.
 

strantor

Joined Oct 3, 2010
5,534
I've tried but I'm embarrassed to say I can't recall his last name. I do have his cellphone number but all the reverse lookup providers charge a small fee to reveal the name and address info. I'll go ahead and do that if there's no better way. Perhaps an admin here can provide a little information? Send me a PM with a few more clues and I can run it down.
Well if you've got the number why not just call it? That's a shortcut straight to the end of the investigation. I understand there may be some reservations: who will answer? what will I say? how do I respond to the news if it's bad? Will it be super awkward? etc. etc. But I think whoever answers, be it Dave or kin, will be touched by the call and the knowledge that there's a whole community of people who care enough to reach out.
 
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