On the half-glass of water.
Optimist "it's half full."
Pessimist "it's half empty."
Engineer "the glass is too big."

Civil Engineer: "Hell, lets go build a dam and get more water"

 

On the half-glass of water.
Optimist "it's half full."
Pessimist "it's half empty."
Engineer "the glass is too big."

Civil Engineer: "Hell, lets go build a dam and get more water"

I usually say, "Engineer: A poorly optimized glass."

 

 

View attachment 306768

I've a whole attic full. Anyone want them?

 

I've a whole attic full. Anyone want them?

Goodwill will take them.

 

I've a whole attic full. Anyone want them?

My hoard is bigger than yours.

 

A politician dies and ends up at the pearly gates. Saint Peter says “We have a policy for people of your profession. You must spend one day in heaven and then one day in hell. Then you choose where you want to spend eternity.”

He goes to heaven first where he finds angels singing and people playing harps. Heaven seems very boring to him so the next day he goes to hell. To his surprise he sees lush greenery and luxury five star hotels instead of a barren waste land and people being tortured. He’s greeted by satan who is wearing a tuxedo and sipping a martini. He says “Hell is misrepresented by humans. We have luxury hotels, the best chefs and top notch sports facilities including a large pool.”

The politician spends the entire day enjoying the luxury in hell. The next day he is taken back to the pearly gates and chooses to live in hell from now on. He is sent to hell. But this time he sees a barren waste land illuminated only by rivers of lava and hears the screams of people being tortured. Once again he sees satan in his tuxedo sipping on a martini. He asks satan “What happened to the luxury hotels?” Satan replies “Yesterday we were campaigning and today you voted.”

 

On the half-glass of water.
Optimist "it's half full."
Pessimist "it's half empty."
Engineer "the glass is too big."

Civil Engineer: "Hell, lets go build a dam and get more water"

Then the fool like me says "The glass is refillable." Obviously the optimist, pessimist and engineer are not as enlightened as me.

 

 

I've created a writing software application to rival that of Microsoft Office.

It’s their Word against mine.

 

their Word against mine.

Good one. Two thumbs up if I could.

 

 

Answered the question perfectly.