The Jokes thread

BobTPH

Joined Jun 5, 2013
11,555
"Everyone's got a plan until they get headbutted in the face." - Mike Bison

NSFW language.
My next door neighbor had a pit bull bitch in a fenced yard very near our driveway. She would growl and bark viciously whenever the lovely wife Morticia and I got in or out of our car.

Morticia had an ill-fated idea to try to make friends wirh her. She got some dog biscuits to toss to her over the fence. But her throw was short and it hit the top of the fence and fell on our side.

The dog was determined to get the treat so she forced herself under chain-link fence, howling from the pain of the wires gouging her back, and she was pissed.

For some reason, she blamed me, and came running straight at my leg with jaws wide open. Purely from reflex, I put my two hands together and came down as hard as I could on the top of her head. The dog was stunned and staggered backward toward the gate in the fence, which quick thinking Morticia opened, and the dog retreated into the yard.

That bison’s got nothing on me!

Full disclosure: The dog was rather old, but then, so was I
 
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SamR

Joined Mar 19, 2019
5,494
@ThePanMan said " it's somewhat hard to imagine rednecks flying commercial. Uncle Buck has that crop duster we can use to go to the big city in Atlanta."

You can always tell who they are when they are checking into the Omni. They are the ones using Piggly Wiggly and IGA plastic shopping bags for luggage.
 

panic mode

Joined Oct 10, 2011
5,015
turn of camera and wear pajama... or less.

either way the rates have gone up. and don't worry... there is an easy option if you choose to do nothing
The rates have gone up.png
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