5 Undeniable Facts of Life

1. A girl is said to be grown up when she starts wearing a bra. A boy is grown up when he starts removing it.

2. We all love to spend money buying new clothes but we never realize that the best moments in life are enjoyed without clothes

3. Having a cold drink on hot day with a few friends is nice, but having a hot friend on a cold night after a few drinks is priceless.

4. Breaking News: Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman's husband.

5. Arguing over a girl's bust size is like choosing between Molson, Heineken, Coors and Budweiser. Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.

 

Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies.
A nurse goes up to the first guy and says "Congratulations, you're a father of twins."
The man says "That's a crazy coincidence, I work for the Minnesota Twins."

The nurse says to the second guy "Congratulations, you're the father of triplets."
The man says "That's a crazy coincidence, I work for the 3M company."

The nurse says to the third guy "Congratulations, you're a father of quadruplets."
The man says "That's a strange coincidence, I work for the Four Seasons Hotel."

The last man is freaking out and banging his head against the wall.
The nurse asks him: "What's wrong? Are you OK?"
He says "No, I'm screwed. I work for 7Up."

 

Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies.
A nurse goes up to the first guy and says "Congratulations, you're a father of twins."
The man says "That's a crazy coincidence, I work for the Minnesota Twins."

The nurse says to the second guy "Congratulations, you're the father of triplets."
The man says "That's a crazy coincidence, I work for the 3M company."

The nurse says to the third guy "Congratulations, you're a father of quadruplets."
The man says "That's a strange coincidence, I work for the Four Seasons Hotel."

The last man is freaking out and banging his head against the wall.
The nurse asks him: "What's wrong? Are you OK?"
He says "No, I'm screwed. I work for 7Up."

At least he didn't work for Google.

 

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Less than four blocks south of where I used to live. Was the first liquor store I ever saw that had a drive thru. The owner has a history of coming up with very interesting signs.

 

There's a type of sense of humor that is timeless. It has the power of bridging the gaps between generations. And proof of that is that a few minutes ago I showed my 25 year old son this clip from the Carol Burnett show (I believe it's from the early 70's), and he (we) couldn't stop laughing. I've watched it dozens of times ever since I was a kid and it still tickles my funny bone:

Tim Conway was one-of-a-kind. I saw a reunion of the cast a long time ago and apparently he frequently went completely off-script and just had his colleagues in stiches. The show was taped before two different studio audiences and then the final scene that was aired was often a patchwork of the two in order to cover up flubbed lines and the like. But Conway's antics and ad-libs often either made it so that both tapings had the others laughing or made editing them together impossible and so they had to pick one or the other and air it with goofs and laughs and all. At first this was not well received by the producers, but it quickly became a signature element of the show that audiences loved.

In the dentist skit, he actually made Korman pee his pants -- and it turns out the skit was motivated by an incident in which Conway's dentist accidentally injected his thumb with Novocain.

 

Tim Conway was one-of-a-kind. I saw a reunion of the cast a long time ago and apparently he frequently went completely off-script and just had his colleagues in stiches. The show was taped before two different studio audiences and then the final scene that was aired was often a patchwork of the two in order to cover up flubbed lines and the like. But Conway's antics and ad-libs often either made it so that both tapings had the others laughing or made editing them together impossible and so they had to pick one or the other and air it with goofs and laughs and all. At first this was not well received by the producers, but it quickly became a signature element of the show that audiences loved.

In the dentist skit, he actually made Korman pee his pants -- and it turns out the skit was motivated by an incident in which Conway's dentist accidentally injected his thumb with Novocain.

I remember that episode very well. Yes, I was laughing hysterically too.

 

Tim Conway was one-of-a-kind. I saw a reunion of the cast a long time ago and apparently he frequently went completely off-script and just had his colleagues in stiches. The show was taped before two different studio audiences and then the final scene that was aired was often a patchwork of the two in order to cover up flubbed lines and the like. But Conway's antics and ad-libs often either made it so that both tapings had the others laughing or made editing them together impossible and so they had to pick one or the other and air it with goofs and laughs and all. At first this was not well received by the producers, but it quickly became a signature element of the show that audiences loved.

In the dentist skit, he actually made Korman pee his pants -- and it turns out the skit was motivated by an incident in which Conway's dentist accidentally injected his thumb with Novocain.

Tim Conway was my late-father’s favorite. He was once hit by a motor vehicle while walking. A outdoor faucet pierced his abdomen and several ribs were broken. Yet still while recovering in the hospital, a Tim Conway sketch had him in stitches (pun intended) despite the excruciating pain his laughter caused.

 

 

Keith Richards sends his condolences to the royal family.

I remember her as a baby.

 

At least he didn't work for Google.

I did not get this.

 

 

I did not get this.

A "googol" (note the spelling) is equal to 10^100. The company "Google" intended to use this name, but the founders accidentally misspelled it.

 

A "googol" (note the spelling) is equal to 10^100. The company "Google" intended to use this name, but the founders accidentally misspelled it.

Maybe they should have googled it for the correct spelling......

 

Maybe they should have googled it for the correct spelling......

At the time, they would have had to "BackRub" it.

https://graphics.stanford.edu/~dk/google_name_origin.html

 

New source of Hydroelectric Power!

 

New source of Hydroelectric Power!
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I'd say the challenge lies in correctly aiming the first squirt ...

 

I'd say the challenge lies in correctly aiming the first squirt ...

Why, if he spins it the wrong way do you think it will make the room darker?

 

Why, if he spins it the wrong way do you think it will make the room darker?

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Have to watch out for BSMF (Back Splash Motive Force) where the water, due to surface tension, sticks to the surface of the paddles only to be flung off the top of the arc and return the favor.

 

Why, if he spins it the wrong way do you think it will make the room darker?

Have to wonder how he found the paddle wheel in the first place. Unless the last guy had such a strong stream that it left the wheel spinning for a few minutes. But then I'd think you REALLY have to worry about BSMF.