The Jokes thread

SamR

Joined Mar 19, 2019
5,031
Uncle Willie, bless his soul, told me a couple of things. He'd been to the desert where they had filmed that so-called Moon Landing. And that every time they set one of those rockets off at Cape Canaveral, they were aimed right over Roosha to keep those Ruskies on their toes.
 

KeithWalker

Joined Jul 10, 2017
3,063
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.

The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, ' Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great I would recommend it very highly.'

The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'

The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What’s the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know, the one that's red and has thorns.'

'Do you mean a rose?'

'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'
 

djsfantasi

Joined Apr 11, 2010
9,156
200 Crows Were Found
Dead Near Boston

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority recently found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston. Everyone involved was concerned that these crows might have died from Avian Flu, so they had a bird pathologist examine the remains of all the crows. To everyone's relief, it was determined that the problem was definitely not the Avian Flu. Instead, the cause of death looked to be from vehicular impacts.

During the detailed analysis of the crows, it was noted that there were varying colors of paints found on the birds' beaks and claws. By analyzing the paint residue, it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by the impact of trucks, and only 2% were from impact with a car.

The Massachusetts Turnpike Authority then hired an ornithological behaviorist to look into the cause for the disproportionate percentages of crows killed by trucks versus crows killed by cars.

The ornithological behaviorist came up with the answer very quickly. The cause? When crows eat roadkill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn the other crows of impending danger.

While all the lookout crows could say the word "Cah," none of them could say "Truck."
 

nsaspook

Joined Aug 27, 2009
13,079
Advice a Yellowstone Park ranger gave to some campers who asked about off-trail camping. He told them to go by the ranger station and they would get little bells to attach to their clothes so the bears would avoid them, and some pepper spray for otherwise.

He also told them to be aware of the bear signs so they'd know if they were in bear territory. Brown bear poop, he told them, will likely have some squirrel fir and maybe some berries in it but the grizzly bear stuff may have little bells and smell like pepper spray.
 

SamR

Joined Mar 19, 2019
5,031
A little known fact......
After digging to a depth of 10 feet last year outside Buffalo, New York, scientists found traces of copper cable dating back 100 years.
They came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago
Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, a Los Angeles, California archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet somewhere just outside Oceanside. Shortly afterward, a story in the LA Times read, "California archaeologists, reporting a finding of 200 year old copper cable, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers.
One week later, a local newspaper in Montgomery, Alabama reported, "After digging 30 feet deep in his pasture near the community of Prattville, Alabama, Andrew Bullock, a heck of an engineer and a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Andrew has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Alabama had already gone wireless.
Just makes a person proud to live in Alabama!!!
 
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