My first gas range had no pilot lights. Strike match, open the valve, count to 3, touch match to ignite opening of oven. If match goes out, close valve, count slowly to 10 and then repeat. My roommates girlfriend forgot the last part and struck a second match and applied it to the ignite opening and flashed an oven full of gas. No eyebrows or eyelashes and 2nd degree burns to face. Not a pretty sight for a few weeks.

 

 

To HECK with the trains.

 

What trains?

 

Found at EP:



Bertus

 

A Christmas joke...

 

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future battle for social media profile pictures...

 

Seen on EP:

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not Happy.

 

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Not exactly. Three of those beers are the wrong color.

 

Not exactly. Three of those beers are the wrong color.

Well... that definitely proves you're not Santa ...

 

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I was out by the old pole barn with a couple of my buddies and Jake's ole hound dog was lying there in the dust with his hind leg kicked up lickin his privates. John notices him and mused out loud "God I wish I could do that". Bert raised his eyebrows and squinted his eyes at Jake and said "You could, but that dog will bite you".

 

I was out by the old pole barn with a couple of my buddies and Jake's ole hound dog was lying there in the dust with his hind leg kicked up lickin his privates. John notices him and mused out loud "God I wish I could do that". Bert raised his eyebrows and squinted his eyes at Jake and said "You could, but that dog will bite you".

Why does a dog lick his balls?

Because he can't make his little paw into a little fist.

 

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