Sign in a men's locker room at a country club:



John

 

Note to self:

 

a young couple just got married, she was a young innocent girl, totally inexperienced in love making. their first night together, they spent most of the night doing what married couples do when they get married.

in the morning he goes and has a shower, comes out of the shower naked, she looks at him with a strange look...

'is that all that's left? '

 

I'm not happy with my new shoes ...







one of them is not right!

 

A young newly married couple moves to a small town. Being religious, they go to the local church and ask to become members. The pastor of the church tells them that if they want to become members that they have show a sign of commitment by abstaining from sex for thirty days. The couple agrees and thirty days later they go to see the pastor. The pastor asks if they were able to keep the agreement. The man replied," I am sorry father, yesterday at breakfast we reached for the toast and our hands touched. We looked into each others eyes and were consumed with passion. We did it right there on the breakfast table." The pastor replies," I am sorry also, but you can re-apply for membership in another three months." Then the man said," I understand father. It will be a long time before we can go back to that Denneys also."

 

A set of jumper cables walked into a bar. The bartender said," I'll serve you but don't start anything."

And here is my attempt at inserting images in the new forum software..........Oh well....

Moderator Note: Click on the text, that will bring up the correct address of the image.

 

High school math genius.

 

What was he thinking? The n isn't a common factor, so can't be canceled.

 

What was he thinking? The n isn't a common factor, so can't be canceled.

Good thing it was in the Joke's thread and not a homework thread. We would have had to have him drawn and quartered.

 

You know you're a tech when you are tempted to change a filter on a. ice maker in a bar...

 

Justtrying! Was just thinking it's been a while since I saw you post. How are things?

 

Hi DerStrom, haven't posted for a while, but always check in. Felt compelled to write that one as I was sitting in a bar entertaining my co-worker and we both saw "change filter" alert on the machine...

Things have been pretty hectic. My upper management got cut, union job, public sector (in Canada), strange to watch all this. Want to run for the hills. I crashed my vehicle (mechanical issues), will be disputing the ticket which may affect my license...

And this one is definitely like a bad joke, my ex cheated on me a while back, did not tell me about it, and is now off to Indonesia to get married. Is mathematics still around? I can give some pointers on dating

My last year would make a good comedy/drama

How is your work? I think you had switched jobs some time ago?

 

Hi DerStrom, haven't posted for a while, but always check in. Felt compelled to write that one as I was sitting in a bar entertaining my co-worker and we both saw "change filter" alert on the machine...

Things have been pretty hectic. My upper management got cut, union job, public sector (in Canada), strange to watch all this. Want to run for the hills. I crashed my vehicle (mechanical issues), will be disputing the ticket which may affect my license...

And this one is definitely like a bad joke, my ex cheated on me a while back, did not tell me about it, and is now off to Indonesia to get married. Is mathematics still around? I can give some pointers on dating

My last year would make a good comedy/drama

How is your work? I think you had switched jobs some time ago?

Wow, sounds like a crazy year!

I have been bouncing between two jobs--a lab technician at a university in Boston, and a software developer at a place closer to my home in Vermont--and am about to start back at the software development position. This will be my last temporary assignment, and after that they'll decide if they want to hire me on permanently or not.

Other than that I've been pretty busy, between battling some mystery illness that had me bedridden for a couple of weeks, working at the university, and fiddling with my latest project (A dual-resonant solid state Tesla coil). I haven't been short on excitement lately, that's for sure.

Anyway, to keep this post on-topic:

Q: Why do they call it Hyper Text?
A: It had too much Java

Regards,
Matt

 

Committee: a group of men who individually can do nothing, but as a group decide that nothing can be done

 

Late at night, in the middle of back wood country, there is a large field across from a lonely closed country store with a single exterior light. Silently out of the black sky a flying saucer descends and lands in the field. A hatch opens and two alien creatures emerge. The first is a huge bulky looking brute named Bzzzznikaykay, the second is small neatly attired alien named Walter. Bzzzznikaykay turns to Walter and says in a booming voice," You watch me, I'll teach you how to deal with these puny earthlings!" Walter just rolls his three eyes as if to say, "Oh no, here we go again." The two aliens walk across the field to the country store which has a single old time gas pump out front which strangely resembles the aliens. Bzzzznikaykay with his loud booming voice says to the gas pump," Take me to your leader!!" Walter, looking a little scared says to Bzzzznikaykay," Ease up, this guy could be dangerous." Bzzzznikaykay glares at Walter and says," NO, these earthlings must be shown who's boss." Bzzzznikaykay turns back to the gas pump and says in an even louder voice, "Earthling, take me to your leader right now or I will disintegrate you!!" The gas pump of course does not say anything in return which infuriates the big alien. Bzzzznikaykay pulls his weapon and fires a blast of energy at the gas pump, igniting the gas resulting in a huge explosion. Both aliens are launched out into the field by the force of the explosion. Ten minutes later the aliens regain consciousness. Bzzzznikaykay stumbles over to Walter and says," You were right, how did you know he was so dangerous?" Walter replies," Any guy that can wrap his penis around his body and stick it into his pocket has got to be one MEAN dude."

 

Hi DerStrom, haven't posted for a while, but always check in. Felt compelled to write that one as I was sitting in a bar entertaining my co-worker and we both saw "change filter" alert on the machine...

Things have been pretty hectic. My upper management got cut, union job, public sector (in Canada), strange to watch all this. Want to run for the hills. I crashed my vehicle (mechanical issues), will be disputing the ticket which may affect my license...

And this one is definitely like a bad joke, my ex cheated on me a while back, did not tell me about it, and is now off to Indonesia to get married. Is mathematics still around? I can give some pointers on dating

My last year would make a good comedy/drama

How is your work? I think you had switched jobs some time ago?

Ouch, sounds like a heck of a year. Well, at least I think that since you want to fix things around you (both filters and confused members) is a positive thing. Keep your chin up!

 

From an unknown source:

John

 

married couple in the bathroom, she's just out the shower, dried herself and checks her breasts out in the mirror.

she says to the husband 'i wish there was a way that i could increase them by a few cup sizes...'

the husband replies 'thats easy honey, all you need to do is rub toilet paper down the cleavage'

so the wifes decides worth the try. every morning, rubbed the toilet paper between her breasts for a month.

she goes to the husband and says 'you know this toilet paper trick doesn't work'

he replies 'don't know about that dear, its done wonders for your bum....'

 

Tom_s

That was a repeat of post 352 - but one of my favorites.

 

A couple just married, on their wedding night, disrobing for the first time. The man removed his shoes and socks, his toes are all twisted. "What happened to your toes", she asks. He replies, "I had Toeleosis when I was a young." He removes his pants and his knees are all lopsided. "What happened to your knees", she asks." He replies, "I had Kneesels when I was a young also." He removes his under wear and she says," let me guess, you had a case of smallcocks too."