University is ending in few days, getting depression and intense sadness due to it-:

Thread Starter

terabaaphoonmein

Joined Jul 19, 2020
108
1) Really messed up my uni life. Indulged into various addictions like addiction of making money online. making free money. wasted almost 3 years of uni life in it. 2.5 years to be exact..
Didn't keep notes of any subject even though i passed subject with ease as I had good track record of being a good student in the past as well. I was one of the toppers upto grade 12. Suddenly this making free money concept hit me during college life and I truly wasted lots of time in university.

2) I know really nth. I started studying seriously and found a learning method that works for me in 4th year :(. I have studied every subject since 4th year very properly. I had failed few subjects in the past like 5 subjects and I studied them well irrespective of how much marks I will get as that is dependent on how much revision I do.
I am from computer engineering branch..My first goal is to get a web development job here in nepal. get a good earning by working for 5 years. like save 20000 USD. and apply for masters in usa for either ML/AI/DS/DL or some wireless commxn and stuffs from ECE branch. and settle there if I feel ready for it.

3) I had severe depression during university as life hit hard when I was in university. Due to those reasons, I was never on my best in university life. Messed up totally.

4) I haven't failed anything. It is because I was too good to fail exams. Even if I study nth I could go to exam and pass the exam..maybe exams in Nepal are easier who knows.

5) Slowly my depression is being cured by the help of good doctor but this thing is hitting me hard..I am afraid how would I settle for after university life. I will surely be jobless for 3 years, that is written in stars. At the very minimum.

6) After my failed journey with blogging and stuffs, I have developed a hate towards several professions..Anything related to business. I feel like a loser when I do that as my primary profession. Marketing, sales, enterpreneurship..name any..I feel like yuck when I see myself doing those jobs. Specially since I have a degree in engineering. I should be doing engineering jobs and it is really tough for my mentality to change...I am hecking depressed to even think what other people would think of me...

7) The only good part as per se is that I have finally mastered the art of learning slowly and steadily and I am at a position where I can learn things with 60% efficiency at least. I was worse before.

My current goals are learning enough programming to get a web development job then think for future. That would really settle my future imo. I already know entrepreneurships and stuffs. Blogging has always been my passion. My adsense is verified, so it won't really take me much to write stuffs again and make like 50$ per month which is a lot in Nepal. It is like 8000 NPR. Job pays around 300 USD for newbies. Honestly, I will work even for free...if I am going to learn what I want to learn...Money doesn't matter to me as currently my parents are rich enough(they are middle class actually...lower middle class) to give me food and clothes. I already have shelter as in Nepal we live with parents forever.

But it hurts my ego and prestige...IDK what to do and there is this depression of leaving university life hitting me right in my head...My depression is being cured and here is new thing arrived..And I don't even think this is sth abnormal. This is perfectly normal and should not require medical consultation imo...But since I messed up badly in past, things are hitting me different.

I need somewhere around 50K USD saved up to make up for master's in USA. Even if I make 25K USD in 5 years, my parents will allow me to do it with their help...But I don't think USA accepts applicants who have 5 years gap between studying and master's studying :(

It is really getting depressing to me from every angles. I made huge huge huge mistake and mistake is repaying me...I used to regret in the past, currently I don't even regret anything, I am fine with everything happening in life and I wait for best to happen and keep working very hard for it.
 

Ya’akov

Joined Jan 27, 2019
6,050
I am glad you are seeing a doctor, depression is a serious thing and getting help is important.

I have no magic words for you but I will say a couple of things:

1) You learned more from your "failure" at university than most of the people around you did from their "success".

Some people do very well by following the normal and expected path. We are told that if you are a worthwhile person, your life will follow a certain pattern from birth to death as proof of it. This is simply not true.

People fall on a bell curve, and while ~60% will be in the middle hump that leaves ~40% on the ends. People who are different in ways that put them there aren't less than the typical person, they are different. Sometimes it means they are "exceptional" in the way people use the word to mean outstanding.

But, you don't have to be exceptional in that sense to not fit in to the normal pattern. It is perfectly OK to just be you, the person who doesn't do well in the mainstream. But if that's the case, you have to know that, and not consider failing at doing that "normal" thing a failure of yours, rather is it s failure of the normal thing to be able to include you.

So, that's why I say the you've learned more from this "failure" than other people who also struggle with some of the expectations the world and they themselves impose but the consider their failures "not living up" rather than learning that some ways they are don't fit and it's not their fault.

2) You've mentioned web development a few times, which is probably a good direction.

My advice, for what the advice of a random stranger on the Internet is worth, is to concentrate on learning JavaScript, HTML 5, and CSS. There are a variety of frameworks to simplify all of them, and you might use them, but at first learn the underlying languages and methods, not the tools.

Otherwise, when the latest fashion for some framework or other changes, you will be lost but if you know the actual foundation you can move to anything new.

This is a really good YouTube channel. Top quality information, very concise, and a very broad range. The videos will show you what is out there, and how to use them. You might not become an expert from any of them, they are very dense, but they will show you where to go. I think you can enjoy web development, it's creative and other people can easily understand your skills when they see the final product.

Good luck, I expect you to do fine so long as you keep returning to understanding who you are and don't let the expectations and misunderstanding of other people determine your worth. Make a note to yourself about these things and read it whenever you start to feel bad, or even every day.
 

Thread Starter

terabaaphoonmein

Joined Jul 19, 2020
108
I am glad you are seeing a doctor, depression is a serious thing and getting help is important.

I have no magic words for you but I will say a couple of things:

1) You learned more from your "failure" at university than most of the people around you did from their "success".

Some people do very well by following the normal and expected path. We are told that if you are a worthwhile person, your life will follow a certain pattern from birth to death as proof of it. This is simply not true.

People fall on a bell curve, and while ~60% will be in the middle hump that leaves ~40% on the ends. People who are different in ways that put them there aren't less than the typical person, they are different. Sometimes it means they are "exceptional" in the way people use the word to mean outstanding.

But, you don't have to be exceptional in that sense to not fit in to the normal pattern. It is perfectly OK to just be you, the person who doesn't do well in the mainstream. But if that's the case, you have to know that, and not consider failing at doing that "normal" thing a failure of yours, rather is it s failure of the normal thing to be able to include you.

So, that's why I say the you've learned more from this "failure" than other people who also struggle with some of the expectations the world and they themselves impose but the consider their failures "not living up" rather than learning that some ways they are don't fit and it's not their fault.

2) You've mentioned web development a few times, which is probably a good direction.

My advice, for what the advice of a random stranger on the Internet is worth, is to concentrate on learning JavaScript, HTML 5, and CSS. There are a variety of frameworks to simplify all of them, and you might use them, but at first learn the underlying languages and methods, not the tools.

Otherwise, when the latest fashion for some framework or other changes, you will be lost but if you know the actual foundation you can move to anything new.

This is a really good YouTube channel. Top quality information, very concise, and a very broad range. The videos will show you what is out there, and how to use them. You might not become an expert from any of them, they are very dense, but they will show you where to go. I think you can enjoy web development, it's creative and other people can easily understand your skills when they see the final product.

Good luck, I expect you to do fine so long as you keep returning to understanding who you are and don't let the expectations and misunderstanding of other people determine your worth. Make a note to yourself about these things and read it whenever you start to feel bad, or even every day.
Honestly, can't thank you enough...I can't write in words how much this means to me. Thanks a lot...
 

Ya’akov

Joined Jan 27, 2019
6,050
Hey, I forgot to mention the Web Dev Simplified channel.

It’s a great resource, very practical. It is also very concise and accurate. Here’s a video to get you started, It‘s “old” (3 years, but in web years that’s like antique) but not for the content which is fundamentals. Hope it helps.

 

Ian0

Joined Aug 7, 2020
5,573
If you can pass undergraduate exams without paying too much attention to the course, then either the course is too easy or you must be pretty smart.
Don’t think about paying for your masters degree tuition - there is a shortage of engineers and programmers in most countries at the moment. You might find some company that would sponsor you through university.
Look at university bursaries: the elite (Oxford, Cambridge, London, Durham etc,) are under constant criticism for being too white-British-middle-class so are desperate to become more “diverse”.
Here’s a link to the bursaries available at my college. Have a look at others, there may be something more suitable.
You seem as though you would be able to give a good interview. Give it a go, what do you have to lose?
 
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