The Jokes thread

JohnInTX

Joined Jun 26, 2012
4,787
Lets go back a couple more first for context. In 1762, you took a simple cartoon and re-purposed it to support your political views - in the jokes thread.
It is contrary to Occam's razor, and essentially explains the liberal mind set: if an answer is not nuanced enough, it must be catastrophically wrong.
Explaining the liberal mind set as you see it is politics and off topic here.
In 1768, SDT said this:
I don't think the cartoon is intended to address simple (or complex) questions that can be calculated or proven or measured to have a single answer. I think the cartoon is about complex questions with results that that include uncertainty and unintended consequences. I was a bit surprised that you implied an association between liberal, complex and bad/wrong. The contemporary association with bad or wrong in this vein has been: George W Bush, simplistic and bad/wrong.
I read that as a reasoned interpretation of the cartoon without political overtones. The mention of President Bush is more in support of his analysis than bashing the former President.
You replied in 1769
And, of course, there is the flip-side of the coin. Our current president is so 'nuanced' that (foregone) conclusions take years to formulate -- think Keystone and Gitmo.
But we tread on dangerous ground. This is the Jokes Thread, and while I think our president is a (bad) joke -- likely similar to how you feel about GWB -- let's try to keep it light. I'd hate to see this thread closed after 1,769 -- sometimes questionable -- posts.
Which is, as I see it, the start of escalation into yet another political discussion. Wendy apparently thought it was time to nip it in the bud. As far as railing about locking the thread, you can see it has remained.

FYI, the real post #1,769 was deleted, unnecessarily, arbitrarily, and capriciously IMHO, by the mods, without notice or reason.
That's the reason. Not arbitrary or capricious. Just trying to keep this a good place for everybody regardless of their political orientations. Not everyone wants everything to degenerate into politics.

And some of the new ones seem to wish to establish their bona fides.
Presumably that means me since I'm the only new one dealing with you here. How so?
 
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joeyd999

Joined Jun 6, 2011
6,305
...the start of escalation
The whole point of my post was de-escalation. Mr. Tortoise seemed relatively new to the forum, and I was making clear that we should not delve too deeply into the politics. I was being a good boy.

I was using "our current president" -- name unmentioned on purpose -- to illustrate that complexity also does not imply correctness. This was a complete and perfect (and intended!) duality to his mention of George W. Bush.

I closed with tongue-in-cheek humor. This is the jokes thread, for God's sake! Within was an personal opinion -- not open for debate (what's he going to do? Try to convince me that that is actually not my opinion?)

Presumably that means me since I'm the only new one dealing with you here. How so?
No, John. It's going around like the flu. You can say its not so....but that don't make it so. Things have changed here. Some may think it's better. I don't.
 

JohnInTX

Joined Jun 26, 2012
4,787
I guess one man's humor is another's escalation. Its not always easy to strike a consistent balance.
No, John. It's going around like the flu. You can say its not so....but that don't make it so. Things have changed here. Some may think it's better. I don't.
I agree. PM sent.
 

tom_s

Joined Jun 27, 2014
288
if you guys would just stop bickering..

i'll restart the emailing of beer once you do.

---

Adam was walking around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked him, “What is wrong with you?”

Adam said he didn’t have anyone to talk to.

God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman
He said, “This person will gather food for you, cook for you, and when you discover clothing she’ll wash it for you.
She will always agree with every decision you make.
She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.
She will not nag you and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you’ve had a disagreement.
She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it.

Adam asked God, “What will a woman like this cost?”

God replied, “An arm and a leg.”

Then Adam asked, “What can I get for a rib?”
 

tom_s

Joined Jun 27, 2014
288
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, she’s my old girlfriend.'

' I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

---

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'There's really no need, just unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too'

---

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, "do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes...."

So I said, "then I'd like to phone a friend."

---

for the above, please include - 'and then the fight started'
 

shortbus

Joined Sep 30, 2009
10,050
105 year old man was being interviewed about the reason for his longevity. Reporter asked, "do you think there is one simple reason for your good health?"

He thought for a few seconds and replied, "I think it's because I have a bowel movement every morning around 7:30 AM."

Reporter says, "wow, that's amazing!"

Man replies, "not really, I don't wake up until 8:00".
 

boatsman

Joined Jan 17, 2008
187
Perfect Password


A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, the computer advised him that he would now need to enter a password. Something he will use to log on.

The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife what he was entering by stating each letter our loud as he typed...



< P...


< E...


< N...


< I...


< S...



His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied....


<***PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH***>
 

boatsman

Joined Jan 17, 2008
187
A husband was in big trouble when he forgot his wife's birthdayHis wife told him "Tomorrow there better be something in the driveway for me that goes zero to 200 in 2 seconds flat". The next morning the wife found a small package in the driveway.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.Funeral arrangements for the husband have been set for Saturday.
 

boatsman

Joined Jan 17, 2008
187
Computer Birth

A little boy says to his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"

Dad says: "ah, my son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!

Well, you see your mom and I first got together in a chat room on AOL.

Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.

We snuck into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.

As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little pop-up appeared and said:

"You've got male!"
 

RichardO

Joined May 4, 2013
2,270
This document was presented to a counterman at a surplus electronic parts store. The presenter asked why it did not work. The counterman asked "Is the screen copper or aluminum?". When the presenter replied, the other counterman said "That's your problem. You need to use the other material.".


Free_Power_Anon_pg1_p.png Free_Power_Anon_pg2_p.png
 
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