There was a discussion of limericks
Of the postings, though, many were gibberish
Joey, through vice
Invoked language not nice
And the whole of the membership grimaced.

 

A noob wanted homework solved canned
Was told to show work from his hand
The noob he got panned
Told the mods to pound sand
And the noob got his sorry ass banned.

Hey, I could do this all day...

 

There once was a man from Nantucket,
Had a wild hair, he'd dive in bucket.
Wife said, "what the heck?
You'll surely break a neck.
That hair best go 'way or I'll pluck it."

 

There was an old man of Nantucket
Who kept all his cash in a bucket;
But his daughter, named Nan,
Ran away with a man,
And as for the bucket, Nantucket.

 

joeyd999 said: ↑
No. I don't watch nearly enough PBS. I imagine, though, that it is a play on the Queen's English
Clue: The old name for Salisbury was Sarum (one of the rotten Parliamentary boroughs) ant Hampshire is known as Hants

 

joeyd999 said: ↑
No. I don't watch nearly enough PBS. I imagine, though, that it is a play on the Queen's English
Clue: The old name for Salisbury was Sarum (one of the rotten Parliamentary boroughs) ant Hampshire is known as Hants

There used to be an British guy at work tell 'Jokes' like this, too. Something completely out of context for 99.95% of most Americans. Then when he gets blank stares he would explain something like you did. I don't know exactly what he said but, what we heard was something like: "if you were at all cultured, you would know that the old name of the first city that you've never heard of is 'Sarum', and the old name of the other city that you don't care about is 'Hants'." By that time, we where hoping he would get hit by a beer truck.

Do you really think we are going to laugh after an explanation of so many obscure facts that we have to string together? Find the right audience - if there is one.

 

A rosy-cheeked lass from Dunellen
Whom the Hoboken sailors call Helen
In her efforts to please
Has spread social disease
From New York to the Straits of Magellan.

 

Gopher T said: Do you really think we are going to laugh after an explanation of so many obscure facts that we have to string together? Find the right audience - if there is one.
Sorry, I'll stick to the plain vanilla limericks

 

There once was a woman from Prat
She had 3 sons, Nat, Pat and Tat
It was fun in the breeding but not in the feeding
For there was no tit for tat.

ha!... this one, I got...

 

A rosy-cheeked lass from Dunellen
Whom the Hoboken sailors call Helen
In her efforts to please
Has spread social disease
From New York to the Straits of Magellan.

I'd tell you I 'got' this one but I don't want any confusions of what I got (or caught).

 

After that one (from boatsman) about organs and bodily functions, I wonder if this thread should be split off into, "AllAboutLimericks" or if there are whole books full of limericks, and THAT is where they belong.

 

 

View attachment 93577

Legal in all 50 states!

 

View attachment 93577

OMG! the thing actually captures signals right out of the air!

What year was that?

edit: double bummer... I can't order more than three to the same address...

 

edit: double bummer... I can't order more than three to the same address...

Maybe, maybe not... From the end of the ad:
We reserve right to extend above time and quantity guarantee.

For those having a hard time reading the fine print, this site has the ad as text:
http://milk.com/wall-o-shame/dish.html

 

I just checked out that, "Milk" site. I thought it was funny/stupid to use a 6 foot concave mirror as an object d' art and worry about it frying birds. (Just face it north.) When I found the one about Gorilla Suits...
ROFL!

http://milk.com/wall-o-shame/gorilla_suits.html

 

I once worked at a small company where things were "casual"...

I was talking to another engineer at with my back to an open door. I saw a slight change in his expression and stated to turn around. Before I did, he said that it "was just Matt".

A few moments later there was a shriek from another room. I turns out that Matt and a female employee had met while opening a door between them. This is always a bit of a shock when you pull on a door and someone else pushes it at the same time. It is a much bigger shock when the door is pushed open by a gorilla!

I later asked Matt why he was wearing a gorilla costume since it was not Halloween. His reply made complete sense: "You can get all the free drinks you want when you are in a bar in a gorilla costume."

 

At a wine merchants, the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire. A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came in to apply for the position. The director of the winery wondered how to send him away.

He gave him a glass to drink.

The drunk tried it and said:
"It's a Muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade, but acceptable.”
"That's correct", said the boss.

Another glass....

"It's a cabernet, eight years old, a south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at 8 degrees. Requires three more years for finest results."
"Correct."

A third glass...

''It's a pinot blanc champagne, high grade and exclusive,'' calmly said the drunk.
The director was astonished.

He winked at his secretary, secretly suggesting something.
She left the room, and came back in with a glass of urine.
The alcoholic tried it.

"It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant - and if I don't get the job, I'll name the father."

 

How many forum posters does it take to change a light bulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed

1 mod to make it a sticky

14 to highlight the dangers of changing light bulbs and how the
light bulb could have been changed differently

6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb"

Another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid

1 to say the bulbs are inferior foreign rubbish and should all be sent back

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"

3 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light
bulb" is perfectly correct

1 to call one of the know-it-alls princess

19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take
this discussion to a light bulb forum

11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light
bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum

5 People to post pics of their own light bulbs

15 People to post "I can't see S$%^!" and their own light bulbs

7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs

4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the
corrected URL's

13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all
headers and signatures, and add "+ 1"

5 to announce they are no longer posting to the thread and say "I'm out"

1 to ruin everyone's fun by posting a link to Snopes

1 to suggest torpedoing boat loads of imported lightbulbs and not get suspended

4 more to get into personal attacks over their political views.

5 who aren't out and have come back to add thirty more comments

1 to make a knob gag

1 moderator to lock the light bulb thread.

 

How many forum posters does it take to change a light bulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed

1 mod to make it a sticky

14 to highlight the dangers of changing light bulbs and how the
light bulb could have been changed differently

6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb"

Another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid

1 to say the bulbs are inferior foreign rubbish and should all be sent back

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"

3 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light
bulb" is perfectly correct

1 to call one of the know-it-alls princess

19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take
this discussion to a light bulb forum

11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light
bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum

5 People to post pics of their own light bulbs

15 People to post "I can't see S$%^!" and their own light bulbs

7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs

4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the
corrected URL's

13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all
headers and signatures, and add "+ 1"

5 to announce they are no longer posting to the thread and say "I'm out"

1 to ruin everyone's fun by posting a link to Snopes

1 to suggest torpedoing boat loads of imported lightbulbs and not get suspended

4 more to get into personal attacks over their political views.

5 who aren't out and have come back to add thirty more comments

1 to make a knob gag

1 moderator to lock the light bulb thread.

You forgot this one.