Happy ThanksGiving everyone.

Reminds me of a bird I once owned. It was a parrot. Squawked like the dickens. We inherited it from a sailor who obviously had language problems. Particularly, explicative's. Well, it was November and we were getting ready for the holiday. Our minister came by unexpectedly and as usual, that bird was cussing up a storm. My wife, so mortified, grabbed that parrot and shoved it into the freezer. What a commotion ensued. That bird could be heard hollering and hollering and hollering. Then, sudden silence. Even more mortified with what she had done, the wife ran to the freezer and opened the door. There stood the parrot with perfect English and absolute reverence for his situation. The parrot spoke: "Forgive me dear woman. I realize the ways of my language has caused you great shame. I shall forever never use such foul language again. However, I have just one question. 'What'd the turkey do?'."

 

As I walked past some roadworks after they’d knocked off for the day, I found a pair of work boots, so I decided to give them a heart attack when they turn up tomorrow morning.

 

 

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Seen on electronics point:

AND now . . . . . . .TODAY’S STOCK MARKET REPORT

Helium is up.
Feathers are down.
Paper is stationary.
Fluorescent tubing was dimmed by light trading.
Knives were up . . . . sharply.
Cows steered into a bull market.
Pencils lost a few points.
Hiking equipment was trailing.
Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.
Weights were up in heavy trading.
Light switches were off.
Mining equipment hit rock bottom.
Diapers remained unchanged.
Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.
The market for raisins dried up.
Coca Cola fizzled.
Caterpillar stock inched up a bit.
SUN peaked at midday.
Balloon prices were inflated.
Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.
And batteries exploded, in an attempt to recharge the market.


Thanks 73's de Edd

 

As I walked past some roadworks after they’d knocked off for the day, I found a pair of work boots, so I decided to give them a heart attack when they turn up tomorrow morning.

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We did a similar thing at work to one of the laborers. She went into the mens room to clean and there was a set of old boots under the closed stall dor. After applogizing she went out of the room to wait. After a long wait she came into the machine shop to get one of us guys to go check on the guy in the stall, thinking he had a heart attack or something. Boy was she pi$$ed when she found out what was going on .

 

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As I walked past some roadworks after they’d knocked off for the day, I found a pair of work boots, so I decided to give them a heart attack when they turn up tomorrow morning.

I recall one work site where the forms were put in place to pour a basement for a large building, one of the labourers had the bright idea of nailing the feet of a pair of rubber boots to the forms. before the cement was poured.
Of course there was much consternation when the forms where removed to find the soles of a pair of cemented in feet!

He was fired on the spot!

 

Local spying agencies have reached about a micro second delay time to have our footprints on cyber space and social medias,
but foreigner's still have about 1 day delay time to check that facilities.
good news for ones who want to immigrate...

 

This is the joke thread! That was not funny!Try saying something like this... "How do you keep a turkey in suspense?"

 

If food doesn't stick to Teflon, what makes Teflon stick to the pan?

If 7-Eleven is open 24 hours a day then why do they have locks on the doors?

 

I texted my gf that I was going to the gym. At first, I made a typo on that last word. Autocorrect changed it to gynecologist

 

If 7-Eleven is open 24 hours a day then why do they have locks on the doors?

For the same reason Adam and Eve have belly buttons!

 

For the same reason Adam and Eve have belly buttons!

Ah. But do they? (or "did" they)?

 

What if your nose and belly button could be interchanged? Your face would look like a bowling ball and your zipper would whistle every time you sneezed. And for women, their skirts would fly up.

 

Where’s your proof that they had them? Adam and Eve did NOT have belly buttons. It just doesn’t make sense.

 

“If 7-Eleven is open 24 hours a day then why do they have locks on the doors?”

I know at least one that doesn’t have any lock on the front door. Why do internet posters keep repeating what they had heard even though it’s often not true? Because they think it makes them look smart. Sorry it doesn’t really work especially this tidbit that has been circulating for decades.

 

Blame it on Andrea Mantegna (1431-1506)!

 

I'm built upside down. My feet smell and my nose runs.

 

Why do internet posters keep repeating what they had heard even though it’s often not true? Because they think it makes them look smart. Sorry it doesn’t really work especially this tidbit that has been circulating for decades.

BECAUSE THIS IS THE JOKES THREAD! Do you really think a bird in a freezer would suddenly apologize for bad language?

Reminds me of a bird I once owned. It was a parrot. Squawked like the dickens. We inherited it from a sailor who obviously had language problems. Particularly, explicative's. Well, it was November and we were getting ready for the holiday. Our minister came by unexpectedly and as usual, that bird was cussing up a storm. My wife, so mortified, grabbed that parrot and shoved it into the freezer. What a commotion ensued. That bird could be heard hollering and hollering and hollering. Then, sudden silence. Even more mortified with what she had done, the wife ran to the freezer and opened the door. There stood the parrot with perfect English and absolute reverence for his situation. The parrot spoke: "Forgive me dear woman. I realize the ways of my language has caused you great shame. I shall forever never use such foul language again. However, I have just one question. 'What'd the turkey do?'."

And in California at least I recall seeing locks on the doors. This JOKE is attributed to Gallagher. Never heard a parrot that swore thought.