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The Jokes thread
- Thread starter R!f@@
- Start date
DON'T BLAME ME! Watch the video below!
Inverse Reactive Current
Unilateral Phase Detractors
Syncronising Cardnal Gram Meter
Retro-Encabulator (sounds like Buggs Bunny's "Martin the Martian")
Magneto Reluctance
Capacitive Duractance
Pre-Famulated Amulite
Maluable Logarythmic Casing
Spurving Bearings?
Panametric Fan
Hydro-coptic Marsal Vanes
Ambi-Facient Lunar Wane Shaft
Side Fumbling ? ? ?
Lodis Odeltoid
Pan-Andermic
Semi-Boloid
Non-Reversible Tremmy Pipe
Differential Girdle Spring
Fluorescent Score Motion
Drawn Reciprocation Dingle Arm
Sinusoidal Depleneration
and
Milper Trenions.
WTF???
Inverse Reactive Current
Unilateral Phase Detractors
Syncronising Cardnal Gram Meter
Retro-Encabulator (sounds like Buggs Bunny's "Martin the Martian")
Magneto Reluctance
Capacitive Duractance
Pre-Famulated Amulite
Maluable Logarythmic Casing
Spurving Bearings?
Panametric Fan
Hydro-coptic Marsal Vanes
Ambi-Facient Lunar Wane Shaft
Side Fumbling ? ? ?
Lodis Odeltoid
Pan-Andermic
Semi-Boloid
Non-Reversible Tremmy Pipe
Differential Girdle Spring
Fluorescent Score Motion
Drawn Reciprocation Dingle Arm
Sinusoidal Depleneration
and
Milper Trenions.
WTF???
I would've used the word "Obnoxious" ... but the joke is fine as it is...
Yikes. Who knew that tele-transportation could be so dangerous. At least he died with his shoes on. I hope.
Does that actually work?
Not in my basement!
I would hope not.
Delta Prime
- Joined Nov 15, 2019
- 1,311
Best of Prince Philip quotes:
- "If a cricketer, for instance, suddenly decided to go into a school and batter a lot of people to death with a cricket bat, which he could do very easily, I mean, are you going to ban cricket bats?" (in 1996, amid calls to ban firearms after the Dunblane shooting).
- "Bloody silly fool!" (in 1997, referring to a Cambridge University car park attendant who did not recognise him).
- "It looks as if it was put in by an Indian." (pointing at an old-fashioned fusebox in a factory near Edinburgh in 1999).
- "Deaf? If you are near there, no wonder you are deaf." (to young deaf people in Cardiff, in 1999, referring to a school's steel band).
- "They must be out of their minds." (in the Solomon Islands, in 1982, when he was told that the annual population growth was 5 per cent).
- "You are a woman, aren't you?"(In Kenya, in 1984, after accepting a small gift from a local woman).
- "If you stay here much longer, you'll all be slitty-eyed." (perhaps his most notorious comment - to British students in China, during a 1986 state visit).
- "Your country is one of the most notorious centres of trading in endangered species in the world." (in Thailand, in 1991, after accepting a conservation award).
- "Oh no, I might catch some ghastly disease." (in Australia, in 1992, when asked to stroke a Koala bear).
- "You can't have been here that long - you haven't got a pot belly." (to a Briton in Budapest, Hungary, in 1993).
- "Aren't most of you descended from pirates?" (to a wealthy islander in the Cayman Islands in 1994).
- "You managed not to get eaten, then?" (suggesting to a student in 1998 who had been trekking in Papua New Guinea that tribes there were still cannibals).
- In Germany, in 1997, he welcomed German Chancellor Helmut Kohl at a trade fair as "Reichskanzler" - the last German leader who used the title was Adolf Hitler.
- "You're too fat to be an astronaut." (to 13-year-old Andrew Adams who told Philip he wanted to go into space. Salford, 2001).
- "I wish he'd turn the microphone off." (muttered at the Royal Variety Performance as he watched Sir Elton John perform, 2001).
- "Do you still throw spears at each other?" (In Australia in 2002 talking to a successful aborigine entrepreneur).
- "You look like a suicide bomber." (to a young female officer wearing a bullet-proof vest on Stornoway, Isle of Lewis, in 2002).
- "Do you know they're now producing eating dogs for anorexics?" (to a blind woman outside Exeter Cathedral, 2002).
- "Well, you didn't design your beard too well, did you?" (to designer Stephen Judge about his tiny goatee beard in July 2009).
- "There's a lot of your family in tonight." (after looking at the name badge of businessman Atul Patel at a Palace reception for British Indians in October 2009).
- "Do you work in a strip club?" (to 24-year-old Barnstaple Sea Cadet Elizabeth Rendle when she told him she also worked in a nightclub in March 2010).
- "Do you have a pair of knickers made out of this?" (pointing to some tartan to Scottish Conservative leader Annabel Goldie a papal reception in Edinburgh in September 2010).
- "Bits are beginning to drop off." (on approaching his 90th birthday, 2011).
- "How many people have you knocked over this morning on that thing?" (meeting disabled David Miller who drives a mobility scooter at the Valentine Mansion in Redbridge in March 2012).
- "I would get arrested if I unzipped that dress." (to 25-year-old council worker Hannah Jackson, who was wearing a dress with a zip running the length of its front, on a Jubilee visit to Bromley, Kent, in May 2012).
- "The Philippines must be half empty as you're all here running the NHS." (on meeting a Filipino nurse at a Luton hospital in February 2013).
- "Most stripping is done by hand." (to 83-year-old Mars factory worker Audrey Cook when discussing how she used to strip or cut Mars Bars by hand in April 2013).
- "If a cricketer, for instance, suddenly decided to go into a school and batter a lot of people to death with a cricket bat, which he could do very easily, I mean, are you going to ban cricket bats?" (in 1996, amid calls to ban firearms after the Dunblane shooting).
- "Bloody silly fool!" (in 1997, referring to a Cambridge University car park attendant who did not recognise him).
- "It looks as if it was put in by an Indian." (pointing at an old-fashioned fusebox in a factory near Edinburgh in 1999).
- "Deaf? If you are near there, no wonder you are deaf." (to young deaf people in Cardiff, in 1999, referring to a school's steel band).
- "They must be out of their minds." (in the Solomon Islands, in 1982, when he was told that the annual population growth was 5 per cent).
- "You are a woman, aren't you?"(In Kenya, in 1984, after accepting a small gift from a local woman).
- "If you stay here much longer, you'll all be slitty-eyed." (perhaps his most notorious comment - to British students in China, during a 1986 state visit).
- "Your country is one of the most notorious centres of trading in endangered species in the world." (in Thailand, in 1991, after accepting a conservation award).
- "Oh no, I might catch some ghastly disease." (in Australia, in 1992, when asked to stroke a Koala bear).
- "You can't have been here that long - you haven't got a pot belly." (to a Briton in Budapest, Hungary, in 1993).
- "Aren't most of you descended from pirates?" (to a wealthy islander in the Cayman Islands in 1994).
- "You managed not to get eaten, then?" (suggesting to a student in 1998 who had been trekking in Papua New Guinea that tribes there were still cannibals).
- In Germany, in 1997, he welcomed German Chancellor Helmut Kohl at a trade fair as "Reichskanzler" - the last German leader who used the title was Adolf Hitler.
- "You're too fat to be an astronaut." (to 13-year-old Andrew Adams who told Philip he wanted to go into space. Salford, 2001).
- "I wish he'd turn the microphone off." (muttered at the Royal Variety Performance as he watched Sir Elton John perform, 2001).
- "Do you still throw spears at each other?" (In Australia in 2002 talking to a successful aborigine entrepreneur).
- "You look like a suicide bomber." (to a young female officer wearing a bullet-proof vest on Stornoway, Isle of Lewis, in 2002).
- "Do you know they're now producing eating dogs for anorexics?" (to a blind woman outside Exeter Cathedral, 2002).
- "Well, you didn't design your beard too well, did you?" (to designer Stephen Judge about his tiny goatee beard in July 2009).
- "There's a lot of your family in tonight." (after looking at the name badge of businessman Atul Patel at a Palace reception for British Indians in October 2009).
- "Do you work in a strip club?" (to 24-year-old Barnstaple Sea Cadet Elizabeth Rendle when she told him she also worked in a nightclub in March 2010).
- "Do you have a pair of knickers made out of this?" (pointing to some tartan to Scottish Conservative leader Annabel Goldie a papal reception in Edinburgh in September 2010).
- "Bits are beginning to drop off." (on approaching his 90th birthday, 2011).
- "How many people have you knocked over this morning on that thing?" (meeting disabled David Miller who drives a mobility scooter at the Valentine Mansion in Redbridge in March 2012).
- "I would get arrested if I unzipped that dress." (to 25-year-old council worker Hannah Jackson, who was wearing a dress with a zip running the length of its front, on a Jubilee visit to Bromley, Kent, in May 2012).
- "The Philippines must be half empty as you're all here running the NHS." (on meeting a Filipino nurse at a Luton hospital in February 2013).
- "Most stripping is done by hand." (to 83-year-old Mars factory worker Audrey Cook when discussing how she used to strip or cut Mars Bars by hand in April 2013).
Trickle Me Elmo. Got a little more than a tickle!
https://www.yahoo.com/huffpost/home-inspector-kevin-wayne-vanluven-elmo-doll-arrest-165645854.html
https://www.yahoo.com/huffpost/home-inspector-kevin-wayne-vanluven-elmo-doll-arrest-165645854.html
Last edited:
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