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I don't get it?

kv

 

I don't get it?

kv

... it sounds far funnier in Spanish...

 

needed something for my wife...

 

Two linguists are talking at a break during a conference.

Linguist 1: “Isn’t it interesting that two negatives make a positive, but two positives never make a negative?

Linguist 2: “Yeah, yeah.”

 

2 wrongs don't make a right, but 3 lefts do...

why do we park in the driveway and drive on the parkway...

 

2 wrongs don't make a right, but 3 lefts do...

why do we park in the driveway and drive on the parkway...

For the longest time I thought I made that up myself. Now to hear someone else say it - it must be something I unconsciously heard and ended up repeating.

When we were kids we made up a place named Cucamonga. Imagine my surprise when I learned there actually WAS a Cucamonga.

 

2 brothers decide they are going to build a house so they jump into their truck and drive out to the building supply store. There is nowhere to park so the brother driving says go on in and order the materials and I will drive around the block. So he goes in and the lumberman asks if he can help him. Yes my brother says we need 4x2s. You mean 2x4s? I don't know let me go and ask my brother. He goes out and waits for his brother to come back around and asks if they can use 2x4s since they don't have the 4x2s. They decide it will be OK so he goes back in and tells the lumberman My brother says 2x4s will do. So the lumberman asks him How long do you need them and again he says he will have to ask his brother and goes back outside. The truck comes back around and they discuss it and he goes back in and tells the lumberman My brother says we need them for a long time we build a house with them...

 

When I go to the bank and take out money they ask how I want it. I often say "In my hands would be nice." Smart azz I am. At the restaurant the waitstaff asks "Can I get you anything else?" I usually say "A winning lottery ticket. I NEVER miss the chance to say "What's up Doc?" when I go for a checkup.

• • • for a long time

I'll have to remember that one next time someone asks me how long I want something like a length of lumber or a pipe or chain or wire.

 

The brother was back later with a bag of nails they had sold him complaining they were defective. The lumberman asked what's wrong with them? Half of the nails you sold me had the head on the wrong end.

 

The brother took the nails back complaining they were bad.
The lumberman asked what's wrong with them?
The brother said, "They are all twisted".

 

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... it sounds far funnier in Spanish...

Ok, I'm going to take a shot at this, suddenly I thought about quantity. So, he went out for a pair of beers and drank eight or she's mad because he's trying to get her drunk or she's mad because he dragged her to the bar for only 2 and he consumed 8 or he was late for dinner again.

Drunken bum.

kv

 

Three logicians walk into a bar.

The bartender asks, “Would you all like a beer?” The first one answers, “I don’t know.” The second says, “I don’t know.” The third says, “Yes!”

Bob

 

Yes

 

Ok, I'm going to take a shot at this, suddenly I thought about quantity. So, he went out for a pair of beers and drank eight or she's mad because he's trying to get her drunk or she's mad because he dragged her to the bar for only 2 and he consumed 8 or he was late for dinner again.

Drunken bum.

kv

The explanation is that the word "pair" in Spanish is the same word used for "even". So while a "pair" of beers implies two, the joke is that what was meant was an even number of beers....

I was tired and confused when I posted it, and did a lousy job when I translated the joke... so the joke's on me

 

The explanation is that the word "pair" in Spanish is the same word used for "even". So while a "pair" of beers implies two, the joke is that what was meant was an even number of beers....

I was tired and confused when I posted it, and did a lousy job when I translated the joke... so the joke's on me

I'm trying to learn Italian, my Granddaughters worked on French, they've had some Spanish. I can see how this gets out of control. I see how eight is a pair now, I guess she was buying 2 pair of 4.

I speak span-glish. After I learn Italian, I'll work on my Spanish, although I've thought about Latin. Hoping it might help me learn Italian, not enough years left to worry about it.

kv

 

A pair of six packs? A pair of kegs? A pair of cases?

I used to have a six-pack. Abs.
Now it's more like a single keg.

 

A pair of six packs? A pair of kegs? A pair of cases?

I used to have a six-pack. Abs.
Now it's more like a single keg.

Or as an overweight friend of mine likes to say, the problem is that rather than having a grid of vertical and horizontal lines on my abs, I'm missing the verticals and rather only have a set of horizontal lines.

 

Pair of jugs... of beer?