(preface: See post # 2339 [pg. 117])

Few weeks ago on a job assignment, I got tired of a woman who was in my opinion one of the dumbest people I've ever met. Only one thing worse than having to deal with a stupid person is having to deal with a stupid person who believes they are the epitome of all knowledge.

Well, this woman would spend just about every day complaining about everything. "You dropped a part. PICK IT UP!" "People from the other department are stealing our new chairs." "Second shift is getting the floor dirty by cleaning flux off the board and dripping the solution all over the floor." "Why aren't you working?" "Why are you doing it like that?" And on and on.

For some reason she spent a whole day barking at the back of my neck. Finally, I turned to her and said "LADY (name withheld) - WHY HAVE YOU BEEN BARKING AT THE BACK OF MY NECK ALL DAY? DID SOMEONE DROP A HOUSE ON ANOTHER ONE OF YOUR SISTERS?"

(true story!)

{{{ 220 }}}

I had I stupid boss I couldn't tolerate. My best comment toward him during a heated argument: "Your inadequacy as a manager is only exceeded by your incompetence as an engineer."

Luckily, I was "indispensable", and upper management knew this. As did I.

 

One of my former bosses; Mr. H. He was a pretty smart guy, but he had a bad case of "Not Invented Here" syndrome. If he didn't think of it then it couldn't be any good. Learned to steer him left when I wanted him to go right. Worked every time.

One afternoon I received a "Thing" I ordered. It came as a two part assembly. Parts A & B. Mr. H and I hadn't been seeing eye to eye on a number of projects, so I was somewhat unhappy with him. He came into my micro-section lab and sat at my bench while I was over at the microscope. Out of the corner of my eye I could see him fiddling with the two part assembly. I was growing ever more irritated with him. "How's this go together?" he asked. Bothered, I walked over to him, took the two parts, putting them together I said "You take part A and part B and snap them together then twist them to lock!" I wasn't cordial with him. He looked me dead in the eye and said "Smart azz!" To which I replied dead to his face, "Dumb azz!"

Within two weeks I was out of a job.

 

This joke might get deleted by the moderators, but here it goes anyway.

With all the gun violence in the U.S over the past month, it reminds me of a street actually named "Shotwell" that runs through a thug infested neighborhood in the Mission District of San Francisco.

So if the level of gun violence could be rated for creating the maximum amount of carnage, it certainly appears that the U.S. has been shot pretty well.

 

Reminds me of a T-shirt from the '60's -
"Save a tree, eat a beaver"

I remember that T-shirt. Also remember one that said:

Be kind to bees. Eat YOUR honey.

{{{ OK, for those of you who haven't figured it out yet, I am slowly catching up on the jokes that were posted some years ago. }}}

{{{ pg. 128 }}}

 

Frank: Look, I didn't go to Vietnam just to have pansies like you take my freedom away from me.

Dee: You went to Vietnam in 1993 to open up a sweatshop.

Frank: And a lot of good men died in that sweatshop.

 

What do you can dwarf brothers who become transvestites?







Micro trans-sisters

 

Have you ever noticed there's always one obnoxious person in your neighborhood?

What? Don't have one in your neighborhood? Guess who you are.

 

For a while now I've been getting calls from hotels, credit card companies and a few other common situations. They all tell me my phone number has been selected to receive a free complementary - whatever. Just press 1 to be connected to an operator. Usually I just hang up then block the number. But lately I've been engaging these people.

I refer to them as speaking "7-Eleven" (you know, like Apu at the Quickie Mart on the Simpsons). And I don't mean any disrespect to anyone of Asian origins. but these callers are clearly trying to scam me out of something. One caller, when I pressed 1, the operator told me his name was something SUPER AMERICAN. So I told him "Cousin, how you doin? This is Farook" (which is a common name in some Asian countries). I continued "How's your mother, I miss her and her cooking?" Apparently the guy got mad at me using the 7-Eleven accent back at him. He said "I'm doing GOOD! Mother Fu¢ker!" Then hung up. Another caller, I did something similar but told him Vishnu (forgive any mis-spelling please) was going to punish him for scamming people. There was a long silent pause, then a click.

More recently I've been answering with "This is the XXXX XXXX Police. This conversation IS being recorded. Identify yourself!" would be the demand. After some confusion on their part I'd again say "This is the XXXX XXXX Police! How did you get this number?" Shortly after that there would be a click.

After having done that a few times my phone has been largely silent.

Back around page 131 of this thread someone was mentioning Microsoft Windows technicians calling to report corrupted files. I've had those calls too. When I'd ask "Which computer? What MAC Address?" they'd quickly hang up.

 

In at least one religion I've heard of - the reward for doing god's will would be 72 virgins in heaven. If I make it to heaven, I wonder what I'll do on day # 37. I'll go through AT LEAST two a day. Then what ? ? ? Am I married to 72 wives for all eternity? That ain't no reward I'd want. 36 days of bliss followed by an eternity of - - - .
_________________________________________________________

My understanding of heaven was that there would be no women there at all. Somewhere in the bible it promised that in heaven there would be an hour of silence.

{{{ 135 }}}

 

In at least one religion I've heard of - the reward for doing god's will would be 72 virgins in heaven. If I make it to heaven, I wonder what I'll do on day # 37. I'll go through AT LEAST two a day. Then what ? ? ? Am I married to 72 wives for all eternity? That ain't no reward I'd want. 36 days of bliss followed by an eternity of - - - .
_________________________________________________________

My understanding of heaven was that there would be no women there at all. Somewhere in the bible it promised that in heaven there would be an hour of silence.

{{{ 135 }}}

Trifecta: Racist, misogynistic, Islamophobic.

 

Trifecta: Racist, misogynistic, Islamophobic.

What Joey? Did you say something? Sorry, I wasn't listening to you.

Racist? No. I'm not judging people based on their origins.
Misogynistic? Not even sure what that means. But since I have no malice toward others - - - .
Islamophobic? No. Just pointing out that if that were my reward I don't think I'd be wanting that. Even if I could stretch out those virgins for 72 weeks - it's still a lifetime with 72 wives. On top of that - who said the virgins would be female? What if I got 72 virginistic men? They say God has a sense of humor.

 

https://madison.com/wsj/entertainme...cle_4c5432ce-4dce-513f-a70a-9f221726b2b5.html

he's not in on joke

 

What Joey? Did you say something? Sorry, I wasn't listening to you.

You must work on your wokeness. It's not easy to be perpetually offended. It takes practice.

Racist? No. I'm not judging people based on their origins.

Now that's funny!

Misogynistic? Not even sure what that means.

BTW, I'm an unapologetic serial philogynist.

They say God has a sense of humor.

He should check his privilege.

 

I'm an unapologetic serial philogynist.

Would that be translated as "womanizer"?

 

Would that be translated as "womanizer"?

The interpretation reflects more on the reader than the writer...

 

Your post in the thread The Jokes thread was deleted. Reason: not in accordance with User Agreement. What joke was that? I don't see anything having been deleted. Oh well.

 

Your post in the thread The Jokes thread was deleted.

At least they told you so you wouldn't repost it. Can't say they do the same for all members.

 

And now, a bit of extremely useful and important info:

​

 

@shortbus They didn't tell me what they deleted. So if I re-post it - they'll probably hammer me. At least if they made clear what and why then I might learn not to. But not having any idea what I did wrong ? ? ?

 

Beaver is slang for female genitalia, while some mods felt it was fairly benign(myself being one of them), it was decided it was too over the top. Mods do discuss things like this offline, Group consensus usually wins. Sometimes we get it right, other times maybe not. It can be a flip of the coin.