The worse jokes are people who do stupid things to themselves

The bigger joke is all of the twits oooing and awing

 

Worked for a company in Connecticut named "Micrognosis". Terms from Greek.

Micros = well, you all know what micro means.
Gnosis = knowledge.

In other words, the name is meant to convey knowledge of very little things. However, I termed the company as "Very little knowledge".

Or full knowledge of all things micro.

 

Epignosis translates as "Accurate Knowledge" and is the definition of "Truth". Think about it. When someone asks you "What is truth?" you can respond with "Accurate Knowledge, factual and complete in every sense."

The word Epi gives us Epic; Epitome, Epitaph, all of which imply grand, highest and final word on any given subject.

 

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I have too many devices. I set an early alarm for this morning. I was jarred awake by the alarm and kept yelling at Alexa to stop! When I awoke enough, I recognized that it was me cell phone

 

 

This thread was started by asking for real life experiences.

I have too many devices. I set an early alarm for this morning. I was jarred awake by the alarm and kept yelling at Alexa to stop! When I awoke enough, I recognized that it was me cell phone

Several years back a friend and I decided to go star gazing up in the mountains. We were well prepared for a cold night but that particular night it got VERY cold. So cold we couldn't sleep.

About 2 AM I got up and re-lit the camp fire. Wasn't long before my buddy joined me. We sat by the fire watching the stars, talking and noticing the sounds we could hear. We heard a distant stream, water gurgling and such. We heard Coyotes, we heard Mule Dear. Then about 7:00 AM we heard a Rooster. What the heck was a Rooster doing up in the mountains in that cold temperature? We listened to it crow like clockwork. I said like clock work. See where this is going? It turned out the Rooster was my buddies cell phone alarm clock.

 

Don't know if I shared this one before, but it's another true story.

I was sitting in Taco Bell eating my burrito. At the table next to me was a VERY VERY VERY large man eating two "Big Meal Boxes". OK, that's not necessarily the joke of this story. What I found most amusing was that he was wearing on his wrist - a FitBit.

I don't think his was working.

 

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A traveling salesman was making his rounds in the country. He passed a barnyard and noticed an odd sight, a pig with a wooden leg. He thought o himself that must be an interesting story, maybe I will stop and talk to the farmer some day. A few weeks later he was in the same area. Saw the pig again but this time it had another wooden leg. Wow he thought I really need to learn about that pig but I really need to get back to the office now.

Another couple of weeks goes by and he sees the same pig. This time he had 3 wooden legs. Work or no work, I have to stop and talk to that farmer, he thought.

He stopped and saw the farmer in the barnyard. Sir he said, what is with the pig and the three wooden legs. The farmer paused for a minute ans said, that pig, let me tell you about that pig. He is one smart pig. One day I fell off of the tractor. I would have died out there for sure. But that pig saw it, he went a runnin and a squealin and got the misses. That pig saved my life!

OK the salesman said but what about the wooden legs?

That pig, the farmer said, that is one smart pig. One day the misses and I were out workin the field. The house caught on fire. We didn't know it but that pig did. He cam a runnin and a squealin. House would have burned to the ground for sure if it weren't for that pig.

OK the salesman said but what about the wooden legs???

That pig that is one smart pig. One day the boy fell down the well. We didn't know it but that pig did. He came a runnin and a squealin . The boy would have died if not for that pig.

OK the salesman said but what about the WOODEN LEGS???????

Oh the wooden legs, the farmer said. When you have a pig that smart you eat him a little at a time.

 

Good but predicable.

 

from a diner

 

My wife said that she needed peace and quiet while she made dinner, so I took the batteries out of the smoke detector.

 

In a British bar, a short discussion on arranged marriage took place as follows:

English man: How could you marry a woman before knowing her?

Indian man: How could you marry a woman AFTER knowing her?

End of the discussion!

 

Three vampires walk into a blood bar. The bartender asks "What can I get you gentlemen?" One vampire speaks up and says "I'll have a glass of blood." The second says "Make that two." Looking at the third vampire the bartender asks "And what would you like?" The third responds "I'd like a glass of blood plasma."

"OK" says the bartender, "That's two bloods and a blood lite."

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