My new nail gun:

View attachment 109831

It can drive a 16-D nail through a 2x4 at 200 yards.

This makes construction a breeze, you can sit in your lawn chair and build a fence.

I need one. Not that I have a fence but just for the heck of it.

 

http://xkcd.com/1713/

 

- James Bond walks into a bar and sits besides a stunningly beautiful woman.
- He stares at her for a moment, and then looks at his watch.
- She asks him: "Are you waiting for someone?"
- "No", Bond answers. "I've been given this high-tech watch, and I'm testing it"
- "Is that so?. What's so special about it?"
- "It uses alpha and gamma (but not beta) waves to send messages directly into my brain"
- "Really? And what is it telling you this very instant?" - She asks
- "It is telling me that at this moment you're wearing no panties, and no bra"
- The woman smiles, and says - "Well, sorry to disappoint you, but your watch isn't working. I'm wearing both pieces right now."
- James Bond frowns for a moment, shakes his watch, and taps it gently with his finger.
- Then he smiles, and says: "I knew it! This thing is set 30 minutes fast!"

 

​

 

I can't figure out if this belongs in the, "War on Cops" thread or the, "Jokes" thread, but here it is.

“Marijuana. It is one of the most dangerous drugs on Earth,” an article appearing on the official D.A.R.E. website earlier this month read. “For every one joint of marijuana, four teenagers become burdened with pregnancy.”

http://www.copblock.org/126160/the-future-of-the-drug-war-let-me-search-those-gummy-bears/

I burst out laughing, so I thought it was a joke. I hope you get a giggle, too.

 

I can't figure out if this belongs in the, "War on Cops" thread or the, "Jokes" thread, but here it is.

“Marijuana. It is one of the most dangerous drugs on Earth,” an article appearing on the official D.A.R.E. website earlier this month read. “For every one joint of marijuana, four teenagers become burdened with pregnancy.”

http://www.copblock.org/126160/the-future-of-the-drug-war-let-me-search-those-gummy-bears/

I burst out laughing, so I thought it was a joke. I hope you get a giggle, too.

Worst correlation of cause and effect I've ever heard of...

 

I can't figure out if this belongs in the, "War on Cops" thread or the, "Jokes" thread, but here it is.

“Marijuana. It is one of the most dangerous drugs on Earth,” an article appearing on the official D.A.R.E. website earlier this month read. “For every one joint of marijuana, four teenagers become burdened with pregnancy.”

http://www.copblock.org/126160/the-future-of-the-drug-war-let-me-search-those-gummy-bears/

I burst out laughing, so I thought it was a joke. I hope you get a giggle, too.

I would guess alcohol is the leading cause of pregnancy.

 

Cause? No. You can't blame the lubricant for the functionality of the tool.

 

Cause? No. You can't blame the lubricant for the functionality of the tool.

But it does make the materials you are working with more compliant.

 

Cause? No. You can't blame the lubricant for the functionality of the tool.

I had never thought of it that way.... alcohol as a sex lubricant ... ouch!

 

I had never thought of it that way.... alcohol as a sex lubricant ... ouch!

No, no. KY is for that, alcohol lubes the motivation.

 

Just to clarify, KY is a lubricant very different from Vaselina.

 

I would guess alcohol is the leading cause of pregnancy.

I always believed it was plain sex.

 

Just to clarify, KY is a lubricant very different from Vaselina.

There's also Astroglide. Jeff Foxworthy says you can park a Cadillac in a doghouse with that stuff.

 

I would guess alcohol is the leading cause of pregnancy.

Yup,, all those drunken little sperm.

 

A circus owner runs an ad for 'lion tamer wanted' and two people showed up.

One is a retired golfer in his early seventies and the other is a drop-dead, gorgeous brunette with a killer body in her mid-twenties.

The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you're history.

Here's your equipment -- a chair, a whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?" The gorgeous brunette says, "I'll go first."

She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. As he gets close, the gorgeous brunette throws open her coat revealing her beautiful, perfect naked body. The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss every inch of her body for several minutes, then lays down and rests his head at her feet.

The circus owner's jaw is on the floor! He says, "That's amazing! I've never seen anything like that in my life!"

He then turns to the retired golfer and asks, "Can you top that?"

The old golfer replies, "Possibly...but you've got to get that lion out of there first."

 

I keep trying to find a phone number in Atlanta, but all the websites keep returning "404 - Not Found" errors.

 

Cheers!​

 

There's too much blood in my alcohol system.

 

There's too much blood in my alcohol system.

Now I know my A.B.C.,
Next time won't you drink with me...