I challenged my high school chemistry teacher when he stated that oxygen and nitrogen are odorless.
I think I won that debate.

Please elaborate. What does 'air' smell like?

 

Same question as what does vacuum smell like?

 

I don't have vacuum receptors in my olfactory system, so it smells like nothing. No receptor, no nerve stimulation, no "smell".

Oh crud, I've stumbled into the Jokes thread without a joke. Will rectify soon.

 

Please elaborate. What does 'air' smell like?

You have my undivided attention, Mr Chips...

 

smog?

 

smog?

You could add dust, spores and beer (when appropriate) to that...

 

You could add dust, spores and beer (when appropriate) to that...

My preference is when the air smells like pizza.

Italian restaurant air is the finest air one can breathe.

 

I like the smell of new washed women hair.... and the smell of my new circuit not getting fried.

 

Don't know about the nostrils, but do know I'm built upside down. My nose runs and my feet smell.

 

and the smell of my new circuit not getting fried.

You and me both buddy.

 

I got a PM saying that thread was deleted.
Why is it back ?

It was a joke on me, right ?

 

Q. What did one eye say to the other?
A. Between me and you something smells.

---

Hi, you're through to the Incontinence Hotline...Can you hold, please?

---

A guy sits in front of TV all day, farting like there's no tommorrow.
But not just gassy airish farts, I'm talking mega greasy wet ones, the kind that would make your dog puke.
The wife, understandably is angry as f***, and says: "one day Honey, you are gonna fart your guts out."
The next Sunday, as wife is preparing Turkey for sunday lunch, Hubbie falls asleep.
The wife spies an opportunity to get her own back, so she takes the innards of the turkey and places them in the underwear her husband is wearing. She then went back to cooking the turkey. Later on that night, her husband came to the dinner table looking very frightened.

"What happened?" asked his wife.

"Well," the man said, "you were right. I farted my guts out."

"What did you do?" asked his wife.

"Well with the Grace of God and these two fingers I got 'em all back up in there!"

---

2 Blokes (Japanese and American) are playing golf. The Japanese guy is getting ready to tee off and suddenly starts talking to his thumb.

American bloke says: "What you doin?"

"Oh, don't worry, with Microtechnology I have a Microphone in my thumb. I was just recording a message."

The 2 men carry on golfing, but all of a sudden the American man makes a funny sound, that amazingly sounds like a fart. The Japanese man looks over at him. 'Oh,' says the American. "Don't worry, I'm just receiving a fax."

 

 

During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?"

"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person and ask them to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No" he said. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

 

Student who obtained 0% on an exam. I would have given him 100%. Each answer is grammatically correct and funny too. The teacher had no sense of humour.
Q1 In which battle did Napoleon die?
His last battle.
Q2 Where was The Declaration Of Independence signed?
At the bottom of the page.
Q3 River Ravi flows in which state?
Liquid.
Q4 What is the main reason for divorce?
Marriage.
Q5 What is the main reason for failure?
Exams.
Q6 What can you never eat for breakfast?
Lunch and dinner.
Q7 What looks like half an apple?
The other half.
Q8 If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what will it become?
Wet.
Q9 How can a man go eight days without sleeping?
No problem, he sleeps at night.
Q10 How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
You will never find an elephant with one hand.
Q11 If you had 3 apples and 4 oranges in one hand and 3 oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
Very big hands.
Q12 If it took eight men ten hous to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
No time at all, the wall is already built.
Q13 How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
Anyway you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.

 

An engineer dies and reports to hell. Pretty soon, the engineer gets
dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and
building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and
flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So,
how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning
and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this
engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he
should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm
keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are
you going to get a lawyer?"

 

 

A Manager, his Assistant, one old woman and her young daughter are traveling in a train and during the course of time get themselves introduced to each other and become temporary friends. The train goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel. The women and the Assistant are sitting there looking perplexed. The Manager is bending over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap. All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.

The Old woman is thinking:
These Managers are all crazy after girls. He must have kissed my daughter in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him.

The Young girl is thinking:
The Manager must have tried to kiss me but kissed my mother instead and got slapped.

The Manager is thinking:
Damn it. My Assistant must have kissed the young girl. She might have thought it was me and slapped me.

The Assistant is thinking:
If this train goes through another tunnel I will make another kissing sound and slap my Manager again. He keeps harassing me in the Office.

 

HOW THE INTERNET STARTED, ACCORDING
TO THE BIBLE. . .


PLEASE DO NOT GOOGLE THIS ONE OR
CHECK WITH SNOPES, THEY WILL LIE TO YOU. . .TRUST ME!


In ancient Israel , it came to pass that a trader by
the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name
of Dorothy. And Dot Com was a comely woman, large of breast, broad of shoulder
and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.


And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why dost thou
travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without
ever leaving thy tent?"


And Abraham did look at her as though she were several
saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How,
dear?"


And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns
and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they
will reply telling you who hath the best price. The sale can be made on the
drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."


Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her
way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success.
Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to
move from his tent.


To prevent neighboring countries from overhearing what the
drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew.
It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a
language to transmit ideas and pictures - Hebrew to The People
(HTTP).


And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the
greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical
Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS. And lo, the land was so feverish with joy
at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that
the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William
of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. Indeed he did insist on
drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and
drumsticks.


And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being
taken over by others." And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel , or
eBay as it came to be known. He said, "We need a name that reflects what we
are."


And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators."
"YAHOO," said Abraham. And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot
Com.


Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious
Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to
locate things around the countryside.


It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating
Everything (GOOGLE).


That is how it all began. And that's the
truth.


I would not make up this
stuff.

 

HOW THE INTERNET STARTED, ACCORDING
TO THE BIBLE. . .


PLEASE DO NOT GOOGLE THIS ONE OR
CHECK WITH SNOPES, THEY WILL LIE TO YOU. . .TRUST ME!


In ancient Israel , it came to pass that a trader by
the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name
of Dorothy. And Dot Com was a comely woman, large of breast, broad of shoulder
and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.


And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why dost thou
travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without
ever leaving thy tent?"


And Abraham did look at her as though she were several
saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How,
dear?"


And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns
and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they
will reply telling you who hath the best price. The sale can be made on the
drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."


Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her
way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success.
Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to
move from his tent.


To prevent neighboring countries from overhearing what the
drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew.
It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a
language to transmit ideas and pictures - Hebrew to The People
(HTTP).


And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the
greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical
Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS. And lo, the land was so feverish with joy
at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that
the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William
of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. Indeed he did insist on
drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and
drumsticks.


And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being
taken over by others." And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel , or
eBay as it came to be known. He said, "We need a name that reflects what we
are."


And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators."
"YAHOO," said Abraham. And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot
Com.


Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious
Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to
locate things around the countryside.


It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating
Everything (GOOGLE).


That is how it all began. And that's the
truth.


I would not make up this
stuff.

Good.... good one!​

​