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The Jokes thread
- Thread starter R!f@@
- Start date
Is that duct tape holding the "windshield" together?
Cracktape for the Crackmobile.
True sacrifices were made.
https://www.shutterstock.com/video/clip-1033520405-circa-1970s---new-recruits-joke-they
https://www.shutterstock.com/video/clip-1033520405-circa-1970s---new-recruits-joke-they
When I was in basic, the civilians that ran the barber shops took an unholy pleasure in guys that came in with long hair of one kind or another. But, when you are having to shave the heads of 300 new recruits a day, I can see the need to break up the monotony. When the TIs brought their flights to the barber shop, they would make sure to put these guys at the front of the line (because they knew what was going to happen). The first barber would usually make one pass in some random direction across their head and then send them to the back of the next guy's line. Who would do the same. Because of the way the lines worked, this typically meant they could get the attention of five or six barbers before the flight's time at the barber shop was up and they had to move on. Some of the guys getting this treatment got upset, but most of them took it in stride and some of them found ways to roll with the flow and have a good time entertaining the crowd in the process. One guy in our flight at hair that went down almost to his but. After his first time in the chair, getting a swath cut that went from one eyebrow over to the opposite ear and then down to the back of his neck, we spent the time standing in line (even though he was supposed to be at attention) tying his hair it tight knots so that some of the hair that was cut off in the next pass would dangle from the end of hair that was still there. He repeated this after each pass until he had a coil of hair over his arm and hair dragging on the ground. The TIs, who would normally have been in his face for not standing at attention like he was supposed to, saw what was going on and managed to just always be looking some other direction.
A married man went into the confessional and said to his priest “I almost had an affair with
another woman.”
The priest said, “What do you mean almost had an affair with another woman?”
The man said “Well we got undressed, climbed into bed and rubbed together but then I stopped.”
The priest said “Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance say 5 Hail Mary’s and put $50.00 in the poor box.”
The man left the confessional, said his Hail Mary’s and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
The priest who was watching quickly ran over to him saying “I saw that! You didn't put any money in the poor box.”
The man replied “Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box and according to you that's the same as putting it in."
another woman.”
The priest said, “What do you mean almost had an affair with another woman?”
The man said “Well we got undressed, climbed into bed and rubbed together but then I stopped.”
The priest said “Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance say 5 Hail Mary’s and put $50.00 in the poor box.”
The man left the confessional, said his Hail Mary’s and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
The priest who was watching quickly ran over to him saying “I saw that! You didn't put any money in the poor box.”
The man replied “Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box and according to you that's the same as putting it in."
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