In an interview that reached the national news, the Corona Virus was asked this question:
"So tell me Mr Virus, how it is that you were able to spread so fast across the entire globe?"
The Virus responded:
"Life, ah, ah, ah, ah, ahh, ah ah, ahhh, finds a way."

 

A perfectionst walks into a bar... apparently it wasn't set high enough.

 

Girlfriend was really uppset at guy for his repeated claims that he is a Transformer.... so he promissed that he can change.

 

when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck

Very clever but I got you beat.
I slept 14 hours yesterday I am absolutely locked and fu#!*;*g loaded for a big day... Of hand washing & looking out the window!

 

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Alberta when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni® suit, Gucci® shoes, RayBan® sunglasses and YSL® tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"

Bud looks at the man, who obviously is a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell® notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3® cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop® and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany...

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot® that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL® database through an ODBC connected Excel®

spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry® and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet® printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

"You're a Member of Parliament for the Canadian Government", says Bud.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked.

You used millions of dollars' worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep.

Now give me back my dog.

 

Wow! I did not know Canadians drove BMWs. What else do Canadians do and I hope you're not Canadian I didn't mean to offend you or anybody else. Do you guys really say "A" at the end of a sentence.

 

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Alberta when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni® suit, Gucci® shoes, RayBan® sunglasses and YSL® tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"

Bud looks at the man, who obviously is a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell® notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3® cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop® and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany...

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot® that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL® database through an ODBC connected Excel®

spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry® and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet® printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

"You're a Member of Parliament for the Canadian Government", says Bud.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked.

You used millions of dollars' worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep.

Now give me back my dog.

Real good joke ... but it's an old one ... not only because I've already heard it, but because the dandy dude used a Blackberry phone ...

 

and perfectly describes our government

 

While attending a marriage seminar on communication, Jim and his wife listened to the instructor declare: "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other. For instance, gentlemen, can you name your wife's favorite flower?"

Jim leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "Gold Medal Self-Raising, isn't it?"

The rest of the story is not pleasant.

 

​

 

A 72-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back normal so the doctor says, “Harry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

Harry replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he’s fixed it when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof!, the light goes on. When I’m done, poof!, the light goes off.”

“Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.

A little later in the day, the doctor calls Harry’s wife. “Mrs. White,” he says, “Harry is doing fine but I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof! the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he’s done, poof! the light goes off?”

“OH GOOD GRIEF!” Mrs. white exclaims, “He’s peeing in the fridge again!”

 

This year's prophetic calendar:


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This year's prophetic calendar:


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You neglected to mention the Chupacabra and Baba Yaga. Scare the beejeebers out of the little kiddies!

 

​

 

becoming a dad is one of life's most ecstatic events.

When they become teens it's no longer ecstatic - you just get static.

 

www.unwomen,org/en is trying to wipe out any hint of gender to make things - more equal. so they came up with language rules to get rid of words containing "man" or "men"

who are we? UN Women!
who are we? UN Women!
what do we want? Gender neutrality!
who are we?...

 

www.unwomen,org/en is trying to wipe out any hint of gender to make thing 'more equal'.

who are we? UN Women!
who are we? UN Women!
what do we want? Gender neutrality!
who are we?...

The war on common sense rages on...

 

The war on common sense rages on...

LOL, absolutely...

 

Every day my "Letter-Carrier" brings the mail. She's no longer a mail MAN - she's a letter carrier.

Awe geez! What's next? "Royal Offspring" as opposed to Prince or Princess?

 

I hear it's now a person of privilege.