View attachment 152711

That was copied so many times. Because the internet is a place of integrity.

The "clean" versions...

 

Here is another one.

 

That was copied so many times. Because the internet is a place of integrity.

View attachment 152747
The "clean" versions...

Thank you for the comprehensive summary.

 

Thank you for the comprehensive summary.

You’re welcome.

 

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Grandpa. "How about a demonstration?"

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."

Grandpa says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."

The auditor thinks a moment and says, "It's a bet."

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.

Grandpa says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

"Want to go double or nothing?" Grandpa asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he ends up urinating all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

"Are you okay?" the auditor asks.

"Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!"

 

This may have already appeared in this thread, but what a classic.

 

Hello,

Did you ever regret buying online?

Bertus

 

Hi, voltage! Nice to meet you. I hope I don't reach a dialectric breakdown! That doesn't usually happen, but just be ware.
https://www.mouser.com/ProductDetai...=sGAEpiMZZMu61qfTUdNhGzXuTSv6Y98mNQUv9uVZwAU=

^^^ Socially awkward material greeting voltage.

 

You know you're getting old, when the Keurig pump SOUND, makes you want to pee.

 

Hello,

Did you ever regret buying online?

I recall something similar way back in the UK, there was upcoming FA cup final and tickets sold out in a flash.
A post box in the local paper advertised 'Seats For The Big Match' the price was a steal.
Someone I knew sent for a couple.

When they arrived it was two Fishing Stools.
Max.

 

 

A hen lays an egg weighting five pounds, and news of the event travels around the world. A huge number of reporters gather at the farm to take pictures of the egg and to interview the lucky hen.

Among the commotion, and the flashing of cameras, one of the reporters asks:
- Congratulations, Mrs Hen! How did you manage to accomplish this unbelievable feat?!
- It's a family secret ... smugly answers the proud hen.
- And what are your plans for the future?
- I'm going to lay an 8-lb egg mighty soon! ... you just wait and see ... (gasps and exclamations of wonder are heard in the audience)

At that very moment, the reporters notice the rooster walking by, on his way to the coop, and everyone rushes to ask him:
- Congrats, Mr Rooster! How did you just manage to accomplish this mighty achievement?
- It's a family secret ... answers the rooster in a sour mood.
- And what are your plans for the future?
- I'm going to find that treacherous, sleazy ostrich and rip his head off!

 

 

"But the drawing said..."

 

DIY CHINESE POWER SAVER:

I made my very own Chinese power saver! It may be a little too safe and expensive with that ground though. I'll work on removing it. So far it's only a prototype.

"very intilegent power saver
save greater 250% power usage

safety pretectiohn feetures overcurrent overload human shock
touch to addjust free energy/overdrive harvester

0-10000kV safe operation, perfect suited for home and harvesting
0-1MHz input"






DISCLAIMER: Please do not attempt to replicate this and certainly do not plug it in! I would never consider doing so. You risk fatal electrocution and fire from a short circuit. There is no free energy, just scams!

 

A doctor says to his patient: I have bad news and also worse news.

Oh God, what are those bad news?

Doctor replies: you only have 24 hours to live.

That is terrible, the patient said. But how can be worse news than that?

Doctor replies: I have been trying to contact you, since yesterday...

 

​

 

I apologize for this one in advance of the inevitable groans it will produce.

Q: What do you call a person who practices religious asceticism by monastic living while preaching the benefits of using integrated circuits?

wait for it....

A: A Chipmunk.

 

I apologize for this one in advance of the inevitable groans it will produce.

Q: What do you call a person who practices religious asceticism by monastic living while preaching the benefits of using integrated circuits?

wait for it....

A: A Chipmunk.

I thought it was funny ... no groans from me ...