New year's resolutions:​

• 2014: lose 5 lbs
• 2015: lose 8 lbs
• 2016: lose 12 lbs
• 2017: lose 16 lbs
• 2018: fight against the beauty standards imposed by this materialistic and oppressive society

 

New year's resolutions:​

• 2014: lose 5 lbs
• 2015: lose 8 lbs
• 2016: lose 12 lbs
• 2017: lose 16 lbs
• 2018: fight against the beauty standards imposed by this materialistic and oppressive society

I know this is a joke, but:

Make it to 50 without gaining weight, and you've got it made. I'm happy to say I was successful. Running helps.

 

 

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Every day, a male employee walks up very close to a female co-worker at the coffee machine. He stops, inhales quite deeply and says that her hair smells nice.

After a week of this, the woman can't stand it anymore.

She takes her issue to a supervisor in Human Resources and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against the guy.

The supervisor is puzzled and asks, "What's threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"

"It's Frank. The midget."

 

Seen on a CDC job application...

"We all started as a vulnerable fetus regardless of our gender or transgender status as we matured, but such diversity does not automatically include an entitlement to science-based and evidence-based decisions"

[apologies to George Carlin]







With apologies to George Carlin

 

​

 

 

OK so what is the website??

 

OK so what is the website??

No idea, sorry. I copied the link for the image, and I noticed it was there after posting it.

Edit: Ha! I checked it out. It's a twitter link for "classixxx" (whatever that is).

 

problem corrected.

 

OK so what is the website??

That's a cartoon by Gary Larsen, Far Side. And he doesn't like his work being posted without permission. See here:

http://www.portmann.com/farside/index.html?home.html

Regards.

 

View attachment 142143



(Mod note: Image Edited)​

 

View attachment 142143​

Rollercoasters don't leave contrails. It may have been a parrot.

 

(Mod note: Image Edited)​

Rollercoasters don't leave contrails. It may have been a parrot.

Now I know: the Mod suppressed the parrot!!!

 

 

I went to a restaurant that serves breakfast at any time. So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

 

If toast always lands butter-side down and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast to the back of a cat and drop it?

 

went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, 'Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours.' He said, 'Yes, but not in a row