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Then God smiled, and Bush and Obama flinched as a lightning bolt exploded in front of them.
The Jokes thread
- Thread starter R!f@@
- Start date
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer, and notices a giant jar behind the bar that is brimming with cash. "What's with the jar?" he asks the bartender. "There must be thousands in there!"
The bartender sighs and says, "It's a challenge. If you put in $50 and accomplish three tasks, the money in the jar is yours."
"Really? What a tourist trap! Do people actually try that?"
"Sure"
"Wow. Still, that is a lot of money. Now I'm curious. What are the 3 tasks?"
The bartender points to an enormous, muscular bouncer at the door and says, "First, you have to go over there and knock Big Jim unconscious in one punch."
"Second, out back we have a wild dog, a rabid Rottweiler. He has a bad tooth but the vet couldn't get near him. You've got to go out there and pull his rotten tooth."
"Uh huh".
"And finally, there's this lady upstairs that owns the place. She's nice, 65 or maybe 70. She lost her husband a decade ago and, well... she's lonely. The third task is to go see her and give her some."
"That is twisted my friend. It's amazing anyone thinks they can do all that and win the money."
The guy enjoys his beer. And another. One after the other goes down and by the end of the night, the guy pounds his fist on the bar and declares, "Whatever, man, I'll do your stupid challenge!" He throws a $50 bill into the jar and approaches the bouncer.
He taps the bouncer on the shoulder and WHAM!! The bouncer goes down in one punch. Everyone in the bar is now on their feet and cheering on the challenger.
"Where's the damn dog at?" he yells. The crowd points him to the back door and out he goes. At first they hear nothing. Then muffled screams, punches, scratching and howls. Finally the door opens and the guy paces slowly into the bar, his shirt shredded and smeared with blood, breathing loudly.
At last he throws up his arms and shouts in triumph!
As the crowd cheers like crazy, he yells,
"NOW WHERE'S THE BITCH WITH THE BAD TOOTH?
The bartender sighs and says, "It's a challenge. If you put in $50 and accomplish three tasks, the money in the jar is yours."
"Really? What a tourist trap! Do people actually try that?"
"Sure"
"Wow. Still, that is a lot of money. Now I'm curious. What are the 3 tasks?"
The bartender points to an enormous, muscular bouncer at the door and says, "First, you have to go over there and knock Big Jim unconscious in one punch."
"Second, out back we have a wild dog, a rabid Rottweiler. He has a bad tooth but the vet couldn't get near him. You've got to go out there and pull his rotten tooth."
"Uh huh".
"And finally, there's this lady upstairs that owns the place. She's nice, 65 or maybe 70. She lost her husband a decade ago and, well... she's lonely. The third task is to go see her and give her some."
"That is twisted my friend. It's amazing anyone thinks they can do all that and win the money."
The guy enjoys his beer. And another. One after the other goes down and by the end of the night, the guy pounds his fist on the bar and declares, "Whatever, man, I'll do your stupid challenge!" He throws a $50 bill into the jar and approaches the bouncer.
He taps the bouncer on the shoulder and WHAM!! The bouncer goes down in one punch. Everyone in the bar is now on their feet and cheering on the challenger.
"Where's the damn dog at?" he yells. The crowd points him to the back door and out he goes. At first they hear nothing. Then muffled screams, punches, scratching and howls. Finally the door opens and the guy paces slowly into the bar, his shirt shredded and smeared with blood, breathing loudly.
At last he throws up his arms and shouts in triumph!
As the crowd cheers like crazy, he yells,
"NOW WHERE'S THE BITCH WITH THE BAD TOOTH?
Oh Santa, please Santa. Bring me one of these!
All is left is the full kit including the chair and the 110 V plug.
I have asked for a dozen of them. I sure hope Santa gives me a 560 volt 3-phase, 10,000 amp connection to go with them.
p.s. I forgot to give credit where it is due. This image was taken from an e-mail from American Microsemiconductor with the subject "Great Gift Ideas".
(Now Santa knows where to get them.
).
My español is a bit shaky, but I'm pretty sure "SOB" ain't in there.
Love is never having to say your sorry.
Performing a literal translation of a joke is usually a mistake, since the joke itself depends on cultural interpretation.
In this case, the word being used is "desgraciado", which directly translates into "ungrateful", but it can also be understood as "lacking grace". And in my culture, that sort of people are thought of as worthless, society-damaging individuals. In this case, "SOB" (hijo de perra) is the closest interpretation that I could come up with... but hey, the joke worked, didn't it?
I have a dog who is, literally, an SOB. And he is neither ungrateful nor lacking grace. He resents your remarks.Performing a literal translation of a joke is usually a mistake, since the joke itself depends on cultural interpretation.
In this case, the word being used is "desgraciado", which directly translates into "ungrateful", but it can also be understood as "lacking grace". And in my culture, that sort of people are thought of as worthless, society-damaging individuals. In this case, "SOB" (hijo de perra) is the closest interpretation that I could come up with... but hey, the joke worked, didn't it?
My most sincere apologies to your canine friend....
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