Always carry a gun to the crapper, you never know what type of snake is in there.

Insert large caliber joke here.

 

http://thesmokinggun.com/buster/alligator/meet-kitchen-alligator-018435

After Brief Reign, Toilet Snake™ Is Replaced By Kitchen Alligator™ As Florida’s King Of The Reptiles

 

I forgot when they rut down there. Are they barking? He seems to attack his reflection, implying attacking any other gator.

 

http://thesmokinggun.com/buster/alligator/meet-kitchen-alligator-018435

After Brief Reign, Toilet Snake™ Is Replaced By Kitchen Alligator™ As Florida’s King Of The Reptiles

Same as bringing home live lobster.

 

How to stop snacking late at night...

https://www.cbsnews.com/video/11-foot-alligator-breaks-into-florida-home/

 

How to stop snacking late at night...

But you didn't answer the question: How to stop an alligator from snacking late at night?

Seems like he even got into the wine.

 

 

https://www.wfla.com/news/hillsboro...aughter-following-handgun-foreplay/2042275083

VALRICO, Fla. (WFLA) - A Valrico man has been charged with manslaughter after deputies say foreplay with handgun led to the death of his partner.

Deputies with the Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office say the Andrew Shinault, 23, shot a woman, who is also in her 20s, while engaging in an act of foreplay involving his registered handgun.

Deputies tell News Channel 8 the couple knew the gun was loaded and were using the gun for "sexual excitement."

 

https://www.foxnews.com/food-drink/florida-police-thwart-smuggling-mcdonalds-tobacco-jail

Florida police thwart smuggling of McDonald's burgers and sandwiches, chewing tobacco into jail

 

McDonald's sells chewing tobacco in Florida? We only get McRibs every so often around here FL has all the luck.

 

https://www.wfla.com/news/hillsboro...aughter-following-handgun-foreplay/2042275083

...while engaging in an act of foreplay involving his registered handgun.

Ummm...we don't have "registered handguns" in Florida.

 

https://www.foxnews.com/food-drink/florida-police-thwart-smuggling-mcdonalds-tobacco-jail

Florida police thwart smuggling of McDonald's burgers and sandwiches, chewing tobacco into jail

 

Ummm...we don't have "registered handguns" in Florida.

Maybe it wasn't even "foreplay", he was just concealing his weapon?

 

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-48503820
Florida congressman is first US politician to be 'milkshaked'

UPDATE:
Seems he was 'fruit-punched'.

https://www.nwfdailynews.com/news/20190603/gaetz-was-poweraded-not-milkshaked
PENSACOLA — Congressman Matt Gaetz was not, as some have implied, the first American politician to fall victim to a British fad known as “milkshaking.” “When I was on the way out the chanting began to increase in volume from the sign people and then I was hit with this fruity drink,” he said.

 

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-48503820
Florida congressman is first US politician to be 'milkshaked'

UPDATE:
Seems he was 'fruit-punched'.

https://www.nwfdailynews.com/news/20190603/gaetz-was-poweraded-not-milkshaked
PENSACOLA — Congressman Matt Gaetz was not, as some have implied, the first American politician to fall victim to a British fad known as “milkshaking.” “When I was on the way out the chanting began to increase in volume from the sign people and then I was hit with this fruity drink,” he said.

She looks like a wacko. Can you imagine having that nut job as your congress woman?

 

You guys give Florida a hard time but you have to remember that half the people in Florida are retired Yankees! Yankee went to Disney World and when he got back his neighbors asked him how the trip went. He said it was great but those people in Georgia were a bit backward. All the way down there were signs for clean restrooms until he got to Georgia then it was Fresh Pecans they don't even know how to spell pee cans.

 

https://www.wjhg.com/content/news/M...torch-weld-it-together-instead-510776531.html

OKALOOSA COUNTY, Fla. (WJHG/WECP) - Deputies are looking for two would-be thieves who tried to rob an ATM machine with a blow torch, but ended up welding it together.

Okaloosa County Sheriff's Deputies say early Friday morning, two white men entered the second floor of the Boardwalk on Okaloosa Island. Deputies say surveillance video shows the men attempting to cut the ATM with a blow torch, but they instead welded the metal parts shut. A worker who came to service the machine found the burn marks on the hinges and locks.

 

You guys give Florida a hard time but you have to remember that half the people in Florida are retired Yankees!

The sun fries the brain. It will happen to anyone eventually.

 

The sun fries the brain. It will happen to anyone eventually.

So that's what happened to me... Too many days spent offshore fishing but I loved it.

!

 

Just don't take anyone hostage or you will need to move to Florida to fit in.
http://www.tampabay.com/news/public...eld-passengers-hostage-deputies-say-20190605/