She's still real resistant to try new things because she's afraid she won't do well (and particularly afraid that others will see her not doing well).

Refusing to even try is on my list of most horrible things because it amounts to self inflicted uselessness.
Half of the jobs I do, I wouldn't be doing if the owner just bothered to look.
Door doesn't latch correctly? Bother to look. A dab of Vaseline will fix that right up...and you paid me a house call to do that for you???
Door bell doesn't ring? Bother to look. The push-button disintegrated. Less than $5 at the hardware store...and you paid me a house call to tell you that???
Exhaust fan only hums? Bother to look. The v-belt broke...and you called an electrician???
Self-inflicted failure.

You have to try things you don't already know how to do! How else will you find your talents and your lack of talents?
I am a miserable fisherman. I had to try it to find out.
I'm a great handyman. I had to try it to find out.
I'm a miserable musician. I had to try it to find out.
I'm a friggin' virtuoso on a table saw. I had to try it to find out.
I didn't look at any of those things and know what the end result would be.
You have to bother to look. If you don't, it only results in self-inflicted failure.
When you fail, you still learned something...what you're not naturally good at.
When you win, you have another, "I can do it" notch on your belt, and nobody can take it away from you.

 

I agree -- and we are making progress.

When asked to do something new she used to balk entirely at it and simply refuse (and start crying if you pushed her). This was true even if it was something that she wanted to do originally. This last summer we took her to an event at a horse ranch, part of which was free horse rides for kids (in an indoor arena with a handler). She had wanted to go (which was the primary reason we went at all). When it came time for the rides, we were first in line, but she got cold feet and refused to go, saying that she didn't want to go first. But she kept balking until she almost didn't get to go at all (and I was at the point of just telling her that she had missed her chance), but she did finally go.

So this summer we made a point of doing things new and not putting up with her crap about it. We went whitewater rafting, for a balloon ride, on the thrill rides at an amusement part, horseback riding, shooting, and a few other things. Above all of these, I think the amusement park had the most impact. She went on rides that terrified her and had her crying because she just wanted off -- but of course once the ride starts that simply isn't an option. So she learned that even if something turns out to be horrible (from her perspective), it isn't the end of the world. It also has gotten her to consider her choices a bit more reflectively. Now when you ask her if she wants to do something new, she will usually get a deer-in-the-headlights look for a few seconds, you can tell that her heart rate has increased, and then she will tentatively say, "Okay," or she will say, "No," but be able to give you a pretty specific reason if you ask why not. She still often gets skittish as the moment draws near, but she will usually buck-up and commit when all is said and done and often quickly enough that you might not have noticed if you weren't looking for it. Huge progress in just a couple of months.

 

Oh yeah, we make that point to here quite a bit. She's still real resistant to try new things because she's afraid she won't do well (and particularly afraid that others will see her not doing well). So getting her to be willing to just give it a try with the knowledge that she probably WON'T do well at first is pretty high on our list -- and we are making slow progress in that regard. Part of how I'm trying to instill that in here is making sure she sees ME trying new things and, usually, not doing well but showing her that I'm okay with that and still being able to enjoy it anyway. A side benefit of that is that I AM trying things that I almost certainly would not have -- not out of any fear of not doing well or embarrassing myself, but just because I'm not very adventurous by nature -- and enjoying most of them.

Bravery is a key indicator of success. Worth reading if you have a young daughter.

http://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Brave-Girls/Stacey-Radin/9781451699319

And this Ted Talk (teach girls bravery, not perfection)
https://www.ted.com/talks/reshma_saujani_teach_girls_bravery_not_perfection?language=en

 

And this Ted Talk (teach girls bravery, not perfection)
https://www.ted.com/talks/reshma_saujani_teach_girls_bravery_not_perfection?language=en

While I agree with quite a bit of what she said, I can't say that what I'm seeing matches with her claims too well. For instance, she says that girls that ask for help would rather show a blank screen than show their imperfect attempts. I've never once had that happen. We certainly see here (on the forum) all the time students, male and female, who won't show any effort and just weakly claim that they "don't know where to start", but I don't see that face-to-face. I see plenty of incoherent garbage code from both genders. Now, that may just mean that the students that are like that, male or female, don't seek any assistance at all in face-to-face settings.

On another point she made, I have yet to have any student, male or female, come to me and ask what is wrong with them instead of what they are doing wrong -- I'm trying to think back and perhaps there were some that bordered on that, but I think those honors were split along gender lines. Quite the opposite, I see lots of students that come in with the attitude that the problem isn't with what they are doing or not doing, but rather it must be with the assignment, or the text, or the compiler -- in other words, they are quick to blame something other than themselves and assert that they have done everything correctly but that it still doesn't work. This is becoming more prevalent as time goes by, too. I'm not positive, but my gut feel is that this attitude is more common among males than females. I also do see, sadly, that females do appear to come into the course, on average, with worse preparation -- though there are plenty of males that fall into that category and since there are so few females to begin with, it is hard to know if that "on average" really has any meaning to it.

On a completely separate note, I will say that she appears to be a well-accomplished speaker. She was well-prepared and delivered her talk very confidently and fluidly with virtually none of the speaking faux pas that are so common.

And whether I wholeheartedly buy her claims or not, I definitely agree with her objective that everyone should be encouraged to take reasoned risks and not be overly intimated by failure, either actual failure or the perceived potential for it. That's one of the reasons why, when playing a game with my daughter, that I cut her no slack. I play to win, every time. I am more than willing to offer suggestions, along with why I think that might be a good move, and also to explain why I am making a move that I am, so that she can learn the strategies and problem solving skills that go along with that game (to the degree that I know them, anyway). The more thoroughly she's getting trounced the freer I am with that, too. But she knows that I am not going to "play down to her level" and, as a result, knows that when she does manage to win, that she did so fair and square and that she earned it. At first she favored games that she would win at more often (such as snakes and ladders where the there is zero skill involved), but I would only agree to play those games if we also played one of the games that was harder for her. That was a bit of a struggle initially, but more and more she is just as eager to play games that she has yet to win and now, more often than not, she will suggest two games one of which she is lousy at and one of which she is mediocre at.

 

@WBahn

It's so rewarding to watch them grow...and learn a few lessons from them too.
My puppies taught me a lot about people, and they couldn't even talk!
But they could show me.

Back on the subject: Courage is my first on the list of TTDTD (Things to do today).
(Yay, Gryffindor!)
Well, maybe Gratitude is first and Courage is second...
Anyway...With courage, you win some, and you lose some.
Without courage, you lose them all.

A seed to plant:
Would you rather have people see you fail some of the time, or all of the time?
If you won't even try, you fail every time, and it's not invisible. People can see you not trying.
In the beginning, they might decide you just know which things you have no talent for. After some time, they will believe you don't have any talent for anything. Then they stop asking.

It's so great to see a girl with courage!
Even when they fail, I am still on their side.
You get a plus for trying, even if you don't get a plus for winning.
You don't get anything for not trying.

And finally, I am horrible with horses!
Whenever I am in a situation where a horse is mandatory, I ask for one that's nearly dead.
Then I tell the horse, "Just follow the butt in front of you. No ambition. No detectable thought processes. Don't look up. Just try to survive until you get back to the barn. If we both get back alive, that's all I want."
It's OK to be bad at some things. We all are. Your job (as a young person) is to find out which are your talents and which aren't.

 

While I agree with quite a bit of what she said, I can't say that what I'm seeing matches with her claims too well. For instance, she says that girls that ask for help would rather show a blank screen than show their imperfect attempts. I've never once had that happen. We certainly see here (on the forum) all the time students, male and female, who won't show any effort and just weakly claim that they "don't know where to start", but I don't see that face-to-face. I see plenty of incoherent garbage code from both genders. Now, that may just mean that the students that are like that, male or female, don't seek any assistance at all in face-to-face settings.

On another point she made, I have yet to have any student, male or female, come to me and ask what is wrong with them instead of what they are doing wrong -- I'm trying to think back and perhaps there were some that bordered on that, but I think those honors were split along gender lines. Quite the opposite, I see lots of students that come in with the attitude that the problem isn't with what they are doing or not doing, but rather it must be with the assignment, or the text, or the compiler -- in other words, they are quick to blame something other than themselves and assert that they have done everything correctly but that it still doesn't work. This is becoming more prevalent as time goes by, too. I'm not positive, but my gut feel is that this attitude is more common among males than females. I also do see, sadly, that females do appear to come into the course, on average, with worse preparation -- though there are plenty of males that fall into that category and since there are so few females to begin with, it is hard to know if that "on average" really has any meaning to it.

On a completely separate note, I will say that she appears to be a well-accomplished speaker. She was well-prepared and delivered her talk very confidently and fluidly with virtually none of the speaking faux pas that are so common.

And whether I wholeheartedly buy her claims or not, I definitely agree with her objective that everyone should be encouraged to take reasoned risks and not be overly intimated by failure, either actual failure or the perceived potential for it. That's one of the reasons why, when playing a game with my daughter, that I cut her no slack. I play to win, every time. I am more than willing to offer suggestions, along with why I think that might be a good move, and also to explain why I am making a move that I am, so that she can learn the strategies and problem solving skills that go along with that game (to the degree that I know them, anyway). The more thoroughly she's getting trounced the freer I am with that, too. But she knows that I am not going to "play down to her level" and, as a result, knows that when she does manage to win, that she did so fair and square and that she earned it. At first she favored games that she would win at more often (such as snakes and ladders where the there is zero skill involved), but I would only agree to play those games if we also played one of the games that was harder for her. That was a bit of a struggle initially, but more and more she is just as eager to play games that she has yet to win and now, more often than not, she will suggest two games one of which she is lousy at and one of which she is mediocre at.

It's just a Ted Talk, it was meant to inspire People in 15 minutes. If you're interested/inspired, seek more info. If you disagree with statements in the talk because they disagree with your single datapoint, seek more info. If you're not the type to seek more info, own it.

 

It's just a Ted Talk, it was meant to inspire People in 15 minutes. If you're interested/inspired, seek more info. If you disagree with statements in the talk because they disagree with your single datapoint, seek more info. If you're not the type to seek more info, own it.

So I'm not supposed to make any comments, pro or con, about a Ted Talk?

 

Type the speakers name into youtube.com and you will see all of her talks along the Girls who Code line. I agree with the premise but I have no empirical data to compare with her specific claims. My empirical data is too old, from the 80s, but it correlates with what WBahn stated.