Hello,

A dear friends mother passed away some time ago and she is just now starting a GoFundMe project for donations for the headstone.

Now several donations have come in, but relatively low as compared to the total price.
The question is, if you saw a donation of say $50 would you be intimidated into donating at least that amount or would you not care and just donate say $10 if that's as high as you can go?

See i am wondering if people see a large donation they might not be able to match that so they might not donate at all.
Conversely, i wonder if someone would come along and try to TOP that with a larger donation.
What i dont want to do is intimidate those that wish to contribute but dont have much to donate. They might not donate at all then.

Your opinion?

Thanks in advance to all that participate.

 

First point that came to my mind is a possibility not related with intimidation.

The attitude of those seeing that some people have already made a donation, will be to reconsider the amount they initially intended to donate.

(Thanks Eric)

 

I would say that asking for donations is in bad taste. If they asked me to "contribute", I would say that the headstone was their responsibility. I would even skip the funeral if it came to that. This reminds me of that bridezilla who, in her wedding invitations, asked each quest to contribute $1500 toward the cost of the $50,ooo wedding. She got so little takers that she had to call off the wedding.

 

I guess if you have to ask for donations, the mother left no estate, and the family can't afford it. In light of those circumstances maybe direct cremation for the time being and wait until they can. Ashes keep well in a box on the shelf.

Maybe Secretary Ross's idea of taking out a low interest loan would fill the bill for these poor relatives.

 

I guess if you have to ask for donations, the mother left no estate, and the family can't afford it. In light of those circumstances maybe direct cremation for the time being and wait until they can. Ashes keep well in a box on the shelf.

Maybe Secretary Ross's idea of taking out a low interest loan would fill the bill for these poor relatives.

Or possibly, the daughter/family is just too cheap. Who's paying for the funeral?
IMHO, "GoFundMe" is abused.

Bottom line, if I knew the family and appreciated its situation, I would be likely to offer "help" in the absence of a public appeal, but in general, I am turned off by "gofundme's."

 

I think the experts would recommend leaving the larger number there. It’s the gold coin in the Salvation Army bucket. It anchors thinking to a higher level so that someone is less likely to throw in a quarter instead of a few bucks . In this case it’s not an unreasonable number compared to the needs.

People can still donate much less if they choose. I don’t think intimidation is a factor.

 

I think it would help the cause to mention the expected cost of the heastone and also mention how many people who have contributed but also comment that the total donations are not yet adequate.

 

I think it would help the cause to mention the expected cost of the heastone and also mention how many people who have contributed but also comment that the total donations are not yet adequate.

That information is typically on a GoFundMe page. First, there is a goal amount published. I’d expect that to be the headstone cost. Secondly, each donation is listed, showing the amount of the donation and either the donee or anonymous. You have the option when donating to show your name or not.

I’ve donated to a GoFundMe page before, to help defray the costs of producing a CD for my son’s band.

Personally, I would not be intimidated.

 

I'm not a fan of GoFundMe. People are abusing the good intentions of strangers. They should buy what they can afford.

If people want to donate to what they feel are worthy causes through GoFundMe, more power to them. For me, the recipients of my donations are generally charitable organizations.

 

Hello guys,

THANKS MUCH for all the replies. This is giving me a better idea what to expect.

To add a little more info, the person running this is well loved and so donations are expected. Their whole family is well loved.

There havent been many donations yet, it's still quite new.

I also looked around at some of the other GoFundMe's and found that the donations do vary quite a bit so maybe it doesnt matter.

 

The donations do vary. Don’t worry about it.

In my son’s case, the donee’s were members of the band family members and their friends. One family donated a large amount. I couldn’t afford to match it, but gave what I could.

In matters like these, my personal opinion is that what matters is NOT the size of the gift; it’s the gift. The love behind any gift is far more valuable than its size.

 

Depends, if the marker she chose is standard flat marker it's between "$250-$800" if she's wanting a upright it's between "$800-$1,800" on average amount of lettering and symbols of any kind increase it as well. My brother actually made a marker for my cousin it was a flat marker out of concrete, it turned out fine.

I'm not sure if I feel comfortable donating to someone else's wants. Some folks are just lucky to be buried if that's what you want, as for me, I'm not going to put that on my family as burden. Both me and my wife will be cremated buried under a tree and planted.


kv

 

I'm extremely selective about who I would donate to. In the present case, it seems the cost of the headstone would be small compared to a full blown funeral.

Recently a high school classmate of mine had a gofundme page created for her by her daughter. My friend was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and is undergoing chemo. A couple of years ago, her husband dumped her, and she now lives in a trailer in a small town. Although we weren't close friends at all in school, we did work at the same business down town (I had a bit of a crush on her).

So I donated $100 (even though I also have cancer and am burdened with substantial medical bills). What got me is that she has over 300 "friends" on FB, and about 10 people donated, and the result was not very much. Really? No doubt 99% of her "friends" can afford $10 or $20 and if all of them gave a little bit it would make a huge difference for her. Unfortunately I saw this same scenario play out last year for another friend who needs dialysis. My faith in generosity is a bit shaken.

Fortunately I can still work, and will cover my medical bills until I pass. But if I did get into dire circumstances, it is disheartening that people claiming to be my friend wouldn't bother to throw a few measly bucks to help out.

 

I just did a quick check and found lots of places that sell grave markers for just a couple hundred dollars and that have nice looking temporary markers for under a hundred. I'd suggest that they put a temporary marker on there and then start saving up for what they want.

They might feel that their mother deserved a $5000 headstone, but that doesn't mean that they deserve to have other people pay for it.

 

I'm extremely selective about who I would donate to. In the present case, it seems the cost of the headstone would be small compared to a full blown funeral.

Recently a high school classmate of mine had a gofundme page created for her by her daughter. My friend was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and is undergoing chemo. A couple of years ago, her husband dumped her, and she now lives in a trailer in a small town. Although we weren't close friends at all in school, we did work at the same business down town (I had a bit of a crush on her).

So I donated $100 (even though I also have cancer and am burdened with substantial medical bills). What got me is that she has over 300 "friends" on FB, and about 10 people donated, and the result was not very much. Really? No doubt 99% of her "friends" can afford $10 or $20 and if all of them gave a little bit it would make a huge difference for her. Unfortunately I saw this same scenario play out last year for another friend who needs dialysis. My faith in generosity is a bit shaken.

Fortunately I can still work, and will cover my medical bills until I pass. But if I did get into dire circumstances, it is disheartening that people claiming to be my friend wouldn't bother to throw a few measly bucks to help out.

Very sorry to hear about all this. I hope things get better for both you and her too.
And yes, that is just nuts about the so called friends that wont give a dime. That's just not right. Any decent friend would give at least 5 dollars probably more. If you want to give me her gofundme info privately i'll donate at least 10 dollars for the cause. Life is short, help those in great need.

 

I just did a quick check and found lots of places that sell grave markers for just a couple hundred dollars and that have nice looking temporary markers for under a hundred. I'd suggest that they put a temporary marker on there and then start saving up for what they want.

They might feel that their mother deserved a $5000 headstone, but that doesn't mean that they deserve to have other people pay for it.

Hi and thanks very much for the reply.

I know what you mean, but from the get go i had the feeling this was going to be a long term project not an overnight sensation. And you guessed so very right ... there is not even a dang marker yet! That's what else bothers her.
She is such a special person though, a once in a lifetime friend. I cant help but feel for her, and what is more is that i actually knew her mother too and had the honor and pleasure of her company some years ago. She was lively and fun to be around, and so i miss that too. So we are both hoping this goes well.
I will suggest your idea too, to use a marker temporarily. That may just hold her over for a while.

Thanks again.

 

I would say that asking for donations is in bad taste. If they asked me to "contribute", I would say that the headstone was their responsibility. I would even skip the funeral if it came to that. This reminds me of that bridezilla who, in her wedding invitations, asked each quest to contribute $1500 toward the cost of the $50,ooo wedding. She got so little takers that she had to call off the wedding.

Hi,

That's a bit different though. This is not dictating any minimum, just asking for whatever they can spare. Even 10 dollars if that's all they could spare.

 

Depends, if the marker she chose is standard flat marker it's between "$250-$800" if she's wanting a upright it's between "$800-$1,800" on average amount of lettering and symbols of any kind increase it as well. My brother actually made a marker for my cousin it was a flat marker out of concrete, it turned out fine.

I'm not sure if I feel comfortable donating to someone else's wants. Some folks are just lucky to be buried if that's what you want, as for me, I'm not going to put that on my family as burden. Both me and my wife will be cremated buried under a tree and planted.


kv

Hi,

Yeah this one is going to be a full fledged picturesque memorial stone so the price is rather high.
Oh under a tree huh? That's kinda funny. Some spread their ashes, but i guess you want to be able to contribute to the tree growth which is interesting.

 

The donations do vary. Don’t worry about it.

In my son’s case, the donee’s were members of the band family members and their friends. One family donated a large amount. I couldn’t afford to match it, but gave what I could.

In matters like these, my personal opinion is that what matters is NOT the size of the gift; it’s the gift. The love behind any gift is far more valuable than its size.

Hi,

Yes that's a nice thought thanks. Unfortunately if only a small number of people donate this is going to be a very long term thing. I'd hate to see that. But yes any gift is better than no gift.

 

I think the experts would recommend leaving the larger number there. It’s the gold coin in the Salvation Army bucket. It anchors thinking to a higher level so that someone is less likely to throw in a quarter instead of a few bucks . In this case it’s not an unreasonable number compared to the needs.

People can still donate much less if they choose. I don’t think intimidation is a factor.

Hi,

Yeah i think you are right now. I checked some other gofundme's and the donations do vary a lot. So maybe i worried for nothing.