My only sinister motive in life is that I believe that people should find and make their own happiness within and around themselves. Not have it provided by someone else.

I do things that make and ensure my happiness. She however does not agree. Her happiness should be supplied by those around her even if it does not make them happy doing it.

Well that and I believe in full equality which means that if you want to be my equal and be treated as such you do the same miserable tedious crap work I do or do something of equal value within your own capabilities. You don not get to pick and choose which equalities you want or do not want that happen to fit your imediate mood

 

The title of this thread is Blizzard Warning. I suggest you take it seriously.

 

Women can be irrational, some more than others. Some are not capable of being rational. Some are not capable of compassion, cold souls. I have been close to it twice. Not a wife of mine, but one was my dad's wife, and the other was my ex - step dad's wife (apparently after my mom leaves a man, it makes him crave punishment). Both of these women acted the same; in fact, I'll just refer to them as "she" since they might as well have been the same person.

She would find something to bitch about in anything you did, even if it was perfect. If the thing she opened her mouth to say sounded so ridiculous that even she thought it sounded ridiculous, she would just make something out of thin air or recycle something that you've already been browbeaten 10 fold over.

She could be described as "human sand paper;" when she walks into a room and starts talking, people have the reaction of nails on a chalkboard. She had no tenderness; the sight of a child running through the house did not warm her heart, but made her lash out in bitterness.

The only thing that brought her up was bringing other people down, and even that didn't bring her up very high. I think she intentionally set the pitch of her voice to the frequency that she perceived to annoy the people around her most. She would throw tantrums like a child, and then keep the silent game going for days, weeks until some grovveling happened.

I am all for working through differences in a relationship, especially a marriage. I feel a load of guilt for ever thinking of suggesting divorce; I don't believe in divorce. It tore my family apart on several occasions. But the real world calls, and if a marriage was never meant to be, then it cannot be forced. If a PERSON was never meant to be married; if a person is incapable of experiencing and sharing love, then they cannot be party to an arrangement predicated on love. It just can't work. You can't force love on someone who is incapable of receiving it, and you can't force ssomone to love you, especially if they are incapable of giving it. if you try, you are only setting yourself up for a lifetime of misery. A depressing downward trend that ends in a sad, premature death.

If it sounds like I'm describing your situation, reevaluate. Are you really? You had better be damn sure. Take a couple of months with that on the brain before making any decisions. Before walking away, you need to know it beyond a shadow of a doubt. If there is any chance that her attitude is caused by your attitude, and not her bad nature, then take steps to fix yourself before you try fixing her. If you can make yourself your best self, and that still is not good enough for her, no change in her at all, then move on to decision making.

I wish you the best, and I hope you find happiness in the future, with or without her.

 

I have evaluated myself to no end. I do put forth a active effort to correct my notable fault but I have little to no interest in walking away from the way I was raised or how our local and american culture sets things in home life. This is rural America and I live like the rest of the rural Americans around me.

If I don't like how someone is doing something I do it myself. She doesn't.

I like learning new things and put forth an active effort to regularly take on new challenges. Nit picking the house and every persons actions to OCD like levels of tidiness and organization is not one of them. Do that yourself. I have better thing to do with my time.

I make an active effort to accept there are parts of life I can not control like the weather, the road conditions or how other people drive. That does not mean it gives me the right to take out my dislikes over such things on the people I have around me who also have no control over such things.

I understand the value of fitness and taking care of oneself. Gaining 40+ pounds over two years, dropping personal fitness down to the last thing on the list because "I am a professional that does not have to drop down to the work and exercise routines of a common person" plus declaring myself too old to get exercise at age 37 because I can't face the fact I have become fat, lazy and unwilling to accept that I may have an easily treatable mental health condition is not acceptable to me.

I know I have a certain neural chemical deficiency that is a mild chronic condition I developed as I became an adult requires me to take a simple cheap and highly effective medication every day. There is nothing shameful about it. In fact not taking my meds and living in a miserable unmotivated depressed state is something I see as being more shameful. My happiness does not come from a pill. It comes from not suffering from what manifests if I don't take them. She does not.

I have become a better person for having married her and I try to put forth an active effort to make improvements in myself in mind spirit and body where I see them as warranted. Since we have gotten married she has let all three continually slip and showed no rational justifications for it.

I don't hate her. I worry for her on all levels to the point it makes me sad and very frustrated.

 

It sounds like you have slowly buckled over the years and have let her take over running the relationship.

That's no good. Women don't actually like running the relationship and they're not good at it, they get bitter and obsessive etc. It's not right for the woman to have to do her job and YOUR job (being in control) and it will cause misery for both of you.

If you want to fix it it will be a hard road to slowly man-up and take back control, but it is possible. You will have to slowly put her in her place bit by bit, and take the sulks and tantrums etc but just keep going.

If she's got bad enough to pick fights over the position you put plates after you did the shopping etc it's got pretty bad.

You need to make her understand that she is not the boss, that she is not "running things", and that you can put YOUR plates anywhere YOU damn please and she can just shut the f^&* up about it.

And tell her she's gained 40+ pounds and is a fat lazy bitch. Seriously, you need to start taking her down off that spoilt-brat pedestal and re-establish man/woman type roles in your relationship.

Like fixing anything mechanical, you use increasing amounts of effort and force until you get either of two possible results; the problem will be FIXED, or the problem will be GONE. Either way it's a result.

 

wind and heavy cold weather happens a lot especailly in winter,ONCE i WAS IN Eu where I tasted deeply @weather.

So welcome to had the winter in china shenzhen city,where it is so warm but not hot as in Australia

 

Florida is about back to normal...68 F. I did the car servicing thing today and have a generous layer of grime to scrub off tonight. It satisfied my craving for punishment.

Glad I replaced the serpentine belt. I was carrying a spare and waiting for it to shred like the first belt, but it refused to have a sudden catastrophic failure. It got so glazed and brittle on the surface that it wasn't gripping the pulleys correctly. The power steering shuddered at low speed and the air conditioner hasn't been up to par. There's a lesson for you. A serpentine belt can get awfully bad at doing its job without turning into a wad of strings and lint.