A confession, and an outing.

Thread Starter

Wendy

Joined Mar 24, 2008
21,914
This was written to the moderator staff 5/17/2013.

My name used to be Bill_Marsden. That has changed.

Several members know this already, including Geo, Bertus, Sgt. Wookie, 1chance, etc, but my biography on my blog is incomplete. It was accurate, but anyone who has been paying attention long term knew I was a very disturbed person about a year ago. The term is clinical depression, with suicidal tendencies.

I have addressed the root cause.

You see, I am a transgendered person. About 31% of us commit suicide, except for the love of family (whom I care more for than myself) I would have been one of them. But I am taking the harder road, and transitioning from male to female. Without boring anyone it has roots in physical brain differences, it really is not a choice. For me the choice was whether I ended myself or address the issues.

This was me 6 years ago...

Me and Jim cropped.png

The young man sitting next to me is one of the big reasons I'm still here. I weighed 270 pounds.

This was me 6 months ago...

070517 me.jpg

I weighed around 180 pounds, I figured out it goes better if you aren't carrying around all that weight, healthier too.

And this is me now...

Wendy4598.jpg

I still need to loose a bit of weight, and those clothes are not flattering. I am now under 165, and dropping. My name is Wendy Jean Marsden.

A common theme among TG folks is we really don't care if we live or we die, I was passively trying to kill myself though neglect. However, mentally and physically I am much better, and am taking care of issues. The diabetes symptoms and hypertension have completely cleared away, I am probably healthier than I was at 20.

I am a passive activist, I will talk to anyone about it, but will stay out of people faces unless they choose to put me in a position I have to defend myself. I figure the way to address discrimination is to let people know someone who is transgendered. Most of us, if it is possible, go stealth and disappear into the population as soon as they can. I will have to do this to a degree, but where possible I would rather be honest.
 
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#12

Joined Nov 30, 2010
18,167
I saw a TV show yesterday that helped me be less baffled...and I probably sat still and watched because of you. So, thanks for the education.
 

Kermit2

Joined Feb 5, 2010
4,163
I have come to know you through your posts and admire the way you think and know you have a sharp mind and keen intellect. That is all that truly matters. We are all individuals and our bodies merely a thin wrapping around who and what we are. Stay healthy and happy. I love you as much as it is possible to do so through the medium of our communications here.
 

tcmtech

Joined Nov 4, 2013
2,868
Hmmm.....................

Wendy it is! :)

Personally I too am not one to judge others by their outward appearances or life choices. Now my wife however apparently now feels that there is something wrong with me since I don't actively show her wide range an rates of emotional change she does. I just thought that was what being a guy is. :rolleyes::p

Good choice on the name in my opinion. I've never met a bad Wendy. :cool:
 

Lestraveled

Joined May 19, 2014
1,946
...........Being true to yourself is what matters............
Wendy, you earned my respect a long time ago. Also, I am a big fan of courage and strength of character. I hope your change enlivens your journey. May the person you are, shine through everything you do.

Now, get back to work, Wendy.
 

Dr.killjoy

Joined Apr 28, 2013
1,196
Congrats on the new you and hope everything works out for you .. Hey also if you ever need someone to talk too don't be afraid ask man..
 
While honesty compels my confession that "I don't understand it" --- I am, nonetheless, bound to say I admire your incredible courage and honesty in making your disclosure!:)

It's all live and let live here!:cool::cool::cool:

Sincerely, best regards
HP:)
 
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Thread Starter

Wendy

Joined Mar 24, 2008
21,914
You have to figure it has been three years since I started this process, 3 years of extended life for me.

Speaking for myself, I don't understand it, it just is. Medical science has more or less shown trans people are intersexed, but since the brain is not an obvious organ people accept or dismiss it depending on their views. Many people know as young as two years old, I was 11.

The reason I say intersexed it the brain is wired according to sex, the physical differences between male and female are obvious to professionals using a MRI scan or autopsy, even on those who have never had hormone replacement therapy. It is a birth defect if you will. No one is sure what causes it, current theory is a hormone imbalance from the mother to the fetus during a very critical two weeks of development. This doesn't explain twins to me though. It can run in families.

I don't plan on making a big deal of it, originally I wasn't going to mention it, but that was not a good solution. I write, and some of my pictures are going to be parts of my body such as my hands, for example. I would like to really sign my work too.

It is funny, for almost a month after I came out to myself I claimed I wasn't going to transition. Coming out to yourself is finally accepting this is intrinsic to your nature, it is not changing nor going away. It is where a lot of us kill ourselves. Gays go through something similar, though the suicide numbers are lower (but still a lot higher than the general population). It is a hard truth to accept about yourself, and unlike gays, I have to change my very identity to survive. The numbers after are not good, I stand a 61% chance of being assaulted and possibly murdered because I am trans. There is a 42% suicide attempt rate for our population.

No one, and I do mean no one, wants to be transgender. I am a volunteer at the local alliance to help people who have just come out to themselves. Maybe I can lower those death numbers locally a small amount.

Most of us will never pass. Some can and do, but they are a minority. I don't, but it is part of the price I pay.

If anyone has any questions feel free to PM me. I will not be offended. Like I said, the only way to fight the discrimination is to let people know a transgender person, and knowledge is one way to fight it.
 

strantor

Joined Oct 3, 2010
5,177
I'm glad you finally came out here on the forum. I don't presume to know much about your personal life but i suspect this forum represents a non-negligible portion of it. Coming out on here is probably a fulfilling check mark for you. I think this is one step of many, a big step, toward coming to peace with your life. Congrats !
 

#12

Joined Nov 30, 2010
18,167
I instinctively empathize with the struggle, the drain on your energy and emotions, the years that feel like they were a total loss. :(
The instant I get over that surge of emotions, it's a non-issue for me.

You are the 4th person (co-worker, if you will) that has, "come out" to me. I finally figured out people do that because they see me as, "safe". I think that's because I don't care whether you're black or white, male or female, tall or short. I don't talk to your body, I talk to your soul. If you're a bigot, a racist, a hypocrite, a crack whore, I don't like you. If you're an honorable soul, there's nothing more to discuss. That's all the criteria I need.

So...best wishes. Try to guard your health, both mental and physical.
Let's get back to work. There are noobs that need us. :)

Number Twelve
 

killivolt

Joined Jan 10, 2010
742
I instinctively empathize with the struggle, the drain on your energy and emotions, the years that feel like they were a total loss. :(
The instant I get over that surge of emotions, it's a non-issue for me.

You are the 4th person (co-worker, if you will) that has, "come out" to me. I finally figured out people do that because they see me as, "safe". I think that's because I don't care whether you're black or white, male or female, tall or short. I don't talk to your body, I talk to your soul. If you're a bigot, a racist, a hypocrite, a crack whore, I don't like you. If you're an honorable soul, there's nothing more to discuss. That's all the criteria I need.

So...best wishes. Try to guard your health, both mental and physical.
Let's get back to work. There are noobs that need us. :)

Number Twelve
Well put. Triple "like"

kv

Edit: Life is to short.
 
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