For my friends who are arrogant about English, you can't love'em, and you can't leave'em.
English is not my friend.
kv
English is not my friend.
Enjoy,Barry S.S. said:I like that last line. For all of you who wonder why folk from other
> countries have a bit of trouble with the English language.
> This is a clever piece put together by an English teacher, who else??
> *Homographs are words of like spelling but with more than one meaning.
> A homograph that is also pronounced differently is a
> heteronym.* *You think English is easy??* *I think a retired
> English teacher was bored...THIS IS GREAT !* *Read all the way to the
> end.................This took a lot of work to put together!* 1) The
> bandage was *wound* around the *wound*. 2) The farm was used to
> *produce produce*. 3) The dump was so full that it had to *refuse*
> more *refuse*. 4) We must *polish* the *Polish* furniture. 5) He could
> *lead*if he would get the *lead* out. 6) The soldier decided to
> *desert* his dessert in the *desert*. 7) Since there is no time like
> the *present*, he thought it was time to *present* the *present*. 8)
> A *bass* was painted on the head of the *bass* drum.
> 9) When shot at, the *dove dove *into the bushes. 10) I did not
> *object* to the *object*. 11) The insurance was *invalid* for the
> *invalid*. 12) There was a *row* among the oarsmen about how to *row*.
> 13) They were too *close* to the door to *close* it. 14) The buck
> *does* funny things when the *does* are present. 15) A seamstress and
> a *sewer* fell down into a *sewer* line. 16) To help with planting,
> the farmer taught his *sow* to *sow*. 17) The *wind* was too strong to
> *wind* the sail. 18) Upon seeing the *tear* in the painting I shed a
> *tear*. 19) I had to *subject* the *subject* to a series of tests. 20)
> How can I *intimate* this to my most *intimate* friend? Let's face it
> - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in
> hamburger; neither apple nor pine in a pineapple. English muffins
> weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are
> candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take
> English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that
> quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is
> neither from Guinea nor is it a pig And why is it that writers write
> but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If
> the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth?
> One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?
> Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If
> you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them,
> what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
> If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
> Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an
> asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a
> play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have
> noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat
> chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You
> have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house
> can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling
> it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on. English was
> invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of
> the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why,
> when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out,
> they are invisible. PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick'? AND
> If a male goat is called a ram and a donkey is called an ass, why is a
> ram-in-the-ass called a goose?
kv