You're not alone in that one... normally, people that are highly proficient in technology, are also somewhat lacking in social skills... I'm willing to bet that most of us in this place share that weakness to a bigger or lesser extent.

I think that, while there's a LOT of truth in this claim, that it is made even more relevant because many of the people we need to interact with socially are people that do not bring anything really personal to the table. I'm talking about the numerous people that have worked their way up to mid-level positions of power despite not having any particular background or skills relevant to that position. This is not to say that they may not have general "people" skills that are relevant or even other generic skills such as drive and determination that helped them get there. But when they lack specific technical skills related to their work, I think they tend to emphasize the importance of social interactions beyond all reason by doing things like introducing dress codes (for people that never interact face-to-face with customers) or insisting on "team-building" events. Not to mention all of the gossip and grape vine chatter that becomes so important in their world.

But us techies tend to interpret these as "normal" social skills and then see ourselves as being even more deficient than we already are.

 

Regardless of how attuned you are to the situation, the current result is that you feel vulnerable. I would too. Having lived through both sides of RIFs (at risk and doing the layoff), those were absolutely worst periods of working life. I never got dumped but it sucks going though the period of uncertainty. I feel for ya. It probably doesn't make it any better but being on the other side - deciding who goes - is actually worse in my mind. I still see the face of this one guy I had to lay off - 17 years later. Felt like I was wrecking his life.

For what it's worth, I would start the process of looking elsewhere asap. Once the RIF happens, there will be more competition for the available jobs out there. Who knows, you may discover a better job.

I feel both sides here. My job is "probably" secure; my boss told his boss that I'm one of the people who he can't succeed without (I heard him say that) but the decision still rests a level above him. At the same time I know who is getting layed off and I'm sworn to secrecy about it. I'm not the one who has to deliver the news (and I'm grateful for that) but I'm still burdened with the knowledge and I'm expected to pretend otherwise to people I consider friends.

Edit: and I AM looking for other employment. Actually that's not true. I'm setting myself up to go back into business for myself. I feel like I "sold out" a few years ago when I took this job (my customer hired me) and I accepted mediority for the sake of stability, when I could have pursued greatness. I'm trying to pick up where I left off, starting by taking on side jobs that hopefully give way to more work outside of my 9-5 than I can handle, forcing me to quit and go 100% self employed.

 

I have done that practically all my life, worked on the side, and the rest of the time getting regular pay cheque for for something I liked doing,
but while doing it I realized that there were very few of us providing this kind of service in the surrounding area, which created a large demand.
I recruited a fellow worker and we went solo, he eventually went his own way and I continued on, in most cases naming my own price.

My job is "probably" secure; my boss told his boss that I'm one of the people who he can't succeed without.

This is what I mean!
Max.

 

Your question is an interesting one. Most of us would use some kind of intuition or mental heuristic to make the decision of who pays. I think most people would get it right most of the time, and yet it would be very difficult to write down a precise set of rules.

My Ex and I had a hard time with that one. Simple social rules were forever being rewritten at a whim by her so I never had a clue what to expect.

We used to go out and eat every week. I pick one week and pay, she does the next week, the kid picks and I pay then we repeat the first two steps until it's the kids turn again and she paid that time then the whole process started over. Six steps and repeat and everyone gets an equal part in picking where we went and her and I took equal shares in paying.

Yea, not really. Way too much 'male bias' in my choices since when I was paying we went to nicer more expensive places and when it was the daughter's turn to pick and I payed the option for nicer places wa open to her too, never used (pizza or fast food places were always #1 with her.)

Somehow it was still my fault that 'I didn't get it'.

 

At the same time I know who is getting layed off and I'm sworn to secrecy about it.

It's not me is it?

Cause I have always volunteered to be the first to go at any place I worked for when layoffs were coming. I have found that just messes with their heads by reinforcing the concept that I willingly work there and not have to work there like everyone else plus if they don't let me go that makes them look like jerks for laying off some who might actually need their job.

 

It's not me is it?

Cause I have always volunteered to be the first to go at any place I worked for when layoffs were coming. I have found that just messes with their heads by reinforcing the concept that I willingly work there and not have to work there like everyone else plus if they don't let me go that makes them look like jerks for laying off some who might actually need their job.

I heard a story about one guy that got layed off. He somehow knew about it ahead of time and when his boss sat him down to give the message the guy said how excited he was that his wife was pregnant and he was able to get a great mortgage on a big new "dream house" for his family. His boss apparently freaked out.