Found this funny comic:

 

A function was walking down the road when it bumped into a integrator. The integrator shouted "if you don't give me your money, I'll integrate you to zero!"

The function remained calm and said - "ha, but I'm e^x!"

 

A function was walking down the road when it bumped into a integrator. The integrator shouted "if you don't give me your money, I'll integrate you to zero!"

The function remained calm and said - "ha, but I'm e!"

Now THAT'S nerd humor!

 

but e is a constant and therefore can be integrated to any value...
should have been e^x




Man goes to bed with wife and says:
"What do you say about little riddle? If you guess right we can have sex, if not we don't..."

She accepts so he asks:
"What has four legs, tail, meows, likes to chase mice and drink milk?"

She says: "An Alligator..."

He with a smile: "Congratulation, you guessed right..."

 

Took a little thinking, then roflol. Good one

 

Son: Dad remember when I killed that honey bee and you said no honey for a week?
Dad: yeah.
Son: Remember when I killed that butterfly, you said no butter for a week?
Dad: Yeah.
Son: Well mom just killed a cockroach, should I break it to her?

 

Not quite a joke, but what the heck?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qhm7-LEBznk

 

Ya, take a look at this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=euQ7BEPjBj4

I reget to inform you that those tunes are real....

 

Ya, take a look at this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=euQ7BEPjBj4

I reget to inform you that those tunes are real....

What's that from? While we're on the topic of fake commercials....

http://www.twitvid.com/8C232

 

Three lawyers and three engineers are traveling by train to a conference.
At the station, the three lawyers each buy tickets and watch as the three
engineers buy only a single ticket.

"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks a lawyer.

"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.

They all board the train. The lawyers take their respective seats but all
three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.
Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting
tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The
door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand.
The conductor takes it and moves on.

The lawyers see this and agree that it is quite a clever idea so, after the
conference, they decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save
some money (recognizing the engineers' superior intellect).

When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip.
To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all.

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed lawyer.

"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.

When they board the train the three lawyers cram into a restroom and the
three engineers cram into another one nearby.

The train departs.

Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over
to the restroom where the lawyers are hiding. He knocks on the door and
says, "Ticket, please."

 

Nice nerdegutta. The last time I saw that joke it was about officers (lawyers) and Chiefs (engineers).

 

The 2012 presidential election was too close to call. Obama and Romney were tied, so they decided the best way to determine the winner would be to have an ice fishing trip. They would both go out on their own to a frozen lake in remote northern Wisconsin, and at the end of three days, the candidate with the most fish would be the winner, and the next president of the United States.

On the first day, they go out, and that evening they both come back with their catch. Romney returned with 10 fish. Obama had none.

On the second day, they go back out, and return in the evening. Romney has caught 20 fish, and once again, Obama has none.

The democrats are getting a little suspicious. "Romney's one cheating son-of-a-gun, I'm sure of it!", they said. So they decide to go spy on him to see what he's doing to catch so many fish. They follow him to his spot and watch him.

Romney returns that evening with 50 fish, and once again, Obama has none. The democrats run over to Obama and say, "You won't believe it!! He's cutting holes in the ice!"

 

ISA, ISA baby...

 

This is a bit cruel, but I was watching this last night and I thought the choice of signer was amusing.

 

Husband: Honey, can you hand me my newspaper?
Wife: Don't be silly, you are so behind the times,, you can use my Ipad.

That spider never knew what hit him.....

 

parking wars:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=chBRSH5-dSQ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=djvMGU1_b_c

 

Some decades back, back when “MAKING A MILLION THE EASY WAY” was all the rage, a friend tried a scheme that went something like this…

There are these exotic Brazilian parrots that my friend tried to import and sell. Now, a parrot, exotic or not isn’t worth much if it doesn’t talk.


Normally, these particular parrots don’t talk. It seems there is problem with a curvature in the lower sharply pointed beak that would cut into the parrot's tongue preventing the bird from talking.


The only way to fix this problem would be to carefully file the sharp point on the lower beak back to prevent it from cutting into the parrots tongue.

However, the lower beak contains an artery that is located very close to the very point of the lower beak, filing the beak back too far would result in rupturing this artery and the bird bleeding to death.


Shortly after my friend began his million dollar venture I met him for drinks at the local watering hole and asked, “How's the parrot import thing going? Are you a millionaire yet?”


He replied, “No, it was a major bust, the dam bird died on me.”


I responded, “It died!? What happened, did you file the beak back too far and the bird bled to death?”


“No” he said, “I didn’t file the beak back too far. It was dead when I took it out of the vice.”



williamj

 

OK, I have to post this, it's hilarious-
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR
OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN’T LOOK THAT OLD..

WELL .. . . YOU’LL LOVE THIS ONE.

MY NAME IS MARY , AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING
ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST.

I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA ON THE WALL, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO.

COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?

UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH
THOUGHT.

THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE.

AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED
MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL .

YES. YES, I DID. I’M A MUSTANG,’ HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.

WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?’ I ASKED.

HE ANSWERED, ‘IN 1975. WHY DO YOU ASK?’

YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!’, I EXCLAIMED.

HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY.

THEN, THAT UGLY,

OLD,

BALDING,

WRINKLED FACED,

FAT,

GRAY-HAIRED,

DECREPIT

FART

ASKED,

“WHAT DID YOU TEACH ?”

 

In Greece, the standard student hero of all jokes is named Totos. He is a preliminary student, delinquent, smartypants and pretty hopeless.

So the mailman knocks on Totos' house.
Totos opens the door wearing a bathrobe, holding a beer in one hand and a cigar in the other.
Mailman - Is your mother here?
Totos - Are you retarded?

 

I hope this isn't overly political, I got it in an email and cut out the second (overly political) part...

Anyone who is or has worked for our federal government can understand this

Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a
desert.

Congress said, "Someone may steal from it at night."

So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.

Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?"

So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to
write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.

Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks
correctly?"

So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One was to
do the studies and one was to write the reports.

Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?"

So they created two positions, a time keeper and a payroll officer then hired
two people.

Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?"

So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an
Administrative Officer, an Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal
Secretary.

Then Congress said, "We have had this command in operation for one year and we
are $918,000 over budget, we must cut back."

So they laid off the night watchman.

I think this applies in many places, even in industry. More so in government thought, and I imagine just about anybody of any country could say this applies to their government.