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panic mode
- Joined Oct 10, 2011
- 4,984
Heisenberg was speeding down the highway when he was pulled over by a policeman.
“Do you know how fast you were going back there?”
“No, but I know where I am.”
Doc:" Sorry to tell you buy you only have 6 months to live...".
Patient: "but doctor, what if i quit drugs, smoking, dating and start eating healthy and exercise...will i live any longer?"
Doc: "no, but for sure it will look longer..."
Question: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a grape?
Answer: Elephant grape sine theta.
A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were asked to review this mathematical problem. In a high school gym, all the girls in the class were lined up against one wall, and all the boys against the opposite wall. Then, every ten seconds, they walked toward each other until they were half the previous distance apart. The mathematician, physicist, and engineer were asked, “When will the girls and boys meet?”
The mathematician said, “Never.”
The physicist said, “In an infinite amount of time.”
The engineer said, “Well... in about two minutes, they'll be close enough for all practical purposes.”
At a wedding party recently someone yelled,
"All the married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living."
The bartender was nearly crushed to death.
An engineer, a physicist, a mathematician, and a statistician are all staying at a hotel. In the middle of the night the engineer wakes up to find that his trashcan is on fire. He runs to the sink, fills his ice bucket with water and douses the flames. Then, just to be sure, he runs back to the sink, refills the bucket and dumps more water into the trashcan. With the fire out, he goes back to sleep.
A little while later, the trashcan in the physicist's room spontaneously breaks into flame, waking the physicist. He whips out his slide rule, does some calculations, then runs to the sink, fills his bucket with exactly .75 liters of water, and douses the flames. Having put out the fire, he goes back to sleep.
A few minutes later, the mathematician wakes up to see that his trashcan is on fire. He whips out a piece of paper, scrawls out some equations, then goes back to sleep, comfortable that a solution exists.
Meanwhile, the statistician is running from room to room lighting trashcans on fire -- he needed more samples.
George comes from school on the first of September.
"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.
"I didn't like her, Mother, she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."
“Do you know how fast you were going back there?”
“No, but I know where I am.”
Doc:" Sorry to tell you buy you only have 6 months to live...".
Patient: "but doctor, what if i quit drugs, smoking, dating and start eating healthy and exercise...will i live any longer?"
Doc: "no, but for sure it will look longer..."
Question: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a grape?
Answer: Elephant grape sine theta.
A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were asked to review this mathematical problem. In a high school gym, all the girls in the class were lined up against one wall, and all the boys against the opposite wall. Then, every ten seconds, they walked toward each other until they were half the previous distance apart. The mathematician, physicist, and engineer were asked, “When will the girls and boys meet?”
The mathematician said, “Never.”
The physicist said, “In an infinite amount of time.”
The engineer said, “Well... in about two minutes, they'll be close enough for all practical purposes.”
At a wedding party recently someone yelled,
"All the married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living."
The bartender was nearly crushed to death.
An engineer, a physicist, a mathematician, and a statistician are all staying at a hotel. In the middle of the night the engineer wakes up to find that his trashcan is on fire. He runs to the sink, fills his ice bucket with water and douses the flames. Then, just to be sure, he runs back to the sink, refills the bucket and dumps more water into the trashcan. With the fire out, he goes back to sleep.
A little while later, the trashcan in the physicist's room spontaneously breaks into flame, waking the physicist. He whips out his slide rule, does some calculations, then runs to the sink, fills his bucket with exactly .75 liters of water, and douses the flames. Having put out the fire, he goes back to sleep.
A few minutes later, the mathematician wakes up to see that his trashcan is on fire. He whips out a piece of paper, scrawls out some equations, then goes back to sleep, comfortable that a solution exists.
Meanwhile, the statistician is running from room to room lighting trashcans on fire -- he needed more samples.
George comes from school on the first of September.
"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.
"I didn't like her, Mother, she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."
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