A small, but never-ending tip:

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Okay, I have a joke. What do you call a midget psychic that just escaped from prison?

A small medium at large!

 

Here is a better one.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone.
So I Tasered her.
I’ll ask her again when she wakes up

 

Here is a better one.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone.
So I Tasered her.
I’ll ask her again when she wakes up

Guess you gave her the spark of her life

 

Hey R!f@@ where have you been? Hope your doing good!

 

I'll say the obvious:

My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone.
So I Tasered her.
I’ll ask her again when she wakes up

"Such shocking behavior!"

 

Hey R!f@@ where have you been? Hope your doing good!

Hey @shortbus
Guess you are the first one to notice me.
I am doing good. Thank you.
Been really busy with new job and a baby.
I believe I am back now.
Currently Maldives is on lock down, 20 days and counting.
How you doing ?

 

Hello,

Easier breathing:

Bertus

 

How you doing ?

I've been a bad boy here. Other than that pretty good. How many children now?

 

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I've been a bad boy here. Other than that pretty good. How many children now?

What did you do to be a bad boy here ?

My first born. Girl. 11 month

 

My first born. Girl. 11 month

About the same age as my first born great granddaughter. I can't tell you in the forum.

 

What did you do to be a bad boy here ?

My first born. Girl. 11 month

Hey, congrats! ... becoming a dad is one of life's most ecstatic events.

 

She is indeed a bunch of joy.

 

She is indeed a bunch of joy.

Yep ... babies are responsible for pandemics of joy ...

 

Doctor: You are very sick.
Patient: Can I get a second opinion.
Doctor: Yes! you are very ugly too.

 

every electrical engineer must watch this video before getting disappointed in life,
the painful procedure of transistor invention:

 

This happened in a little town, Norris Arm, in Newfoundland, and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it’s absolutely true.

This fellow was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night in the middle of a terrible rainstorm, and no cars were on the road. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly, a car came toward him and stopped. Without thinking, he got in the car and closed the door and only then did he realize that there was nobody behind the wheel!

The car started to move very slowly. He looked at the road and saw a curve coming his way.? Petrified, he started to pray, begging for his life. Just before the car hit the curve, a hand suddenly appeared through the window and moved the steering wheel.

The fellow, now paralyzed in terror, watched as the hand appeared every time the car was approaching a curve. Finally, although terrified, he managed to open the door and jump out of the spooky car.

Without looking back, he ran through the storm all the way to the nearest town. Soaking wet; exhausted and in a state of utter shock the pale, visibly shaken man, walked into a nearby bar and asked for two shots of Scotch. Then, still trembling with fright, he started telling everybody about the horrible experience he just went through with the spooky car with no driver and the mysterious hand that kept appearing. Everyone listened in silence and became frightened, hairs standing on end when they realized the fellow was telling the truth.

About half an hour later two very wet and disheveled guys walked into the same bar and one said to the other, ‘Laird Thunderin Jasus, me son, there’s the arsehole who got into the car while we were pushing it!’

 

A young lady gets in line to check out at the super market. She sees the lady in front of her is an older lady and moves right up next to her. The older lady turns and says, "Hey girl you are supposed to be practicing social distancing!". The younger gal turns to her and says, "Oh but i assure you i am practicing social distancing!". The old lady then replies, "No you are not, you are less than two feet away from me!". The young gal then returns the reply, "Yeah sorry, i am not that good at it yet".

 

THE ECONOMY IS SO BAD THAT....

My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.
A picture is now only worth 200 words.

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, Retirement Funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Afghanistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.