Here's a version very close to the way I remember first hearing it:

A blind carpenter walks into a lumber mill and shouts out, "I am a blind carpenter and I need a job."
The foreman walks over to the blind carpenter and says, "If you're blind, how can you work in a lumber yard?"
The blind carpenter says, "I can tell any piece of lumber by it's smell."
The foreman says "O.K. I'll give you a test and if you pass the test, you've got a job."
The foreman takes the carpenter over to a table and says, "I will put some lumber on a table in front of you and you tell me what it is." The foreman then puts a piece of lumber on the table and says, "Ready!"
The carpenter bends over and takes a deep sniff moving his head from one side to the other. He says "That's a number two loblolly pine, kiln dried two by four, eight foot long."
The foreman says, "Duh! That's right, but pine is easy to tell by the smell and I think you guessed the rest. Here's another piece of lumber for you to identify." The foreman puts a piece of lumber on the table and says, "Ready!"
The blind carpenter bends over and takes a deep sniff moving his head from one side to the other and says, "This is a tough one, please turn it over so I can smell the other side." The foreman does this and says "Ready!"
The carpenter takes another deep sniff moving his head from side to side. He then says, "That's a clear heart red wood, sun dried, four by four, six foot long."
The foreman is amazed and says "That's right, but I still think you're just lucky and still guessing. Let me try one more time and if you get it right you got a job." The foreman then goes into the office and asks his secretary to help him stump the blind carpenter. She takes off her clothes, walks out of the office and lays on the table. The foreman says, "Ready!"

The blind carpenter takes a deep sniff moving his head from side to side. He looks puzzled and takes another sniff and says, "This also is a tough one, please turn it over so I can smell the other side." The foreman gestures with his hand to the secretary, she rolls over, and the foreman says, "Ready!"

The blind carpenter moves his head from side to side again looking puzzled. He sniffs one more time, looks surprised, and says, "I got it. That's a shit house door off a tuna boat."

He got the job.

 

Here's a version very close to the way I remember first hearing it:

A blind carpenter walks into a lumber mill and shouts out, "I am a blind carpenter and I need a job."
The foreman walks over to the blind carpenter and says, "If you're blind, how can you work in a lumber yard?"
The blind carpenter says, "I can tell any piece of lumber by it's smell."
The foreman says "O.K. I'll give you a test and if you pass the test, you've got a job."
The foreman takes the carpenter over to a table and says, "I will put some lumber on a table in front of you and you tell me what it is." The foreman then puts a piece of lumber on the table and says, "Ready!"
The carpenter bends over and takes a deep sniff moving his head from one side to the other. He says "That's a number two loblolly pine, kiln dried two by four, eight foot long."
The foreman says, "Duh! That's right, but pine is easy to tell by the smell and I think you guessed the rest. Here's another piece of lumber for you to identify." The foreman puts a piece of lumber on the table and says, "Ready!"
The blind carpenter bends over and takes a deep sniff moving his head from one side to the other and says, "This is a tough one, please turn it over so I can smell the other side." The foreman does this and says "Ready!"
The carpenter takes another deep sniff moving his head from side to side. He then says, "That's a clear heart red wood, sun dried, four by four, six foot long."
The foreman is amazed and says "That's right, but I still think you're just lucky and still guessing. Let me try one more time and if you get it right you got a job." The foreman then goes into the office and asks his secretary to help him stump the blind carpenter. She takes off her clothes, walks out of the office and lays on the table. The foreman says, "Ready!"

The blind carpenter takes a deep sniff moving his head from side to side. He looks puzzled and takes another sniff and says, "This also is a tough one, please turn it over so I can smell the other side." The foreman gestures with his hand to the secretary, she rolls over, and the foreman says, "Ready!"

The blind carpenter moves his head from side to side again looking puzzled. He sniffs one more time, looks surprised, and says, "I got it. That's a shit house door off a tuna boat."

He got the job.

Careful. Some here may confuse you with Donald Trump.

 

The blind carpenter says, "I can tell any piece of lumber by it's smell."

Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor (Tim Allen) did this on his show, "Home Improvement" with an old sock. The answer wasn't the same, but the performance was entertaining.

 

Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor (Tim Allen) did this on his show, "Home Improvement" with an old sock. The answer wasn't the same, but the performance was entertaining.

 

I'm 100% sure that they knew the joke I quoted above, and did what they could with it. I remember that episode!

 

the "catfish bait" to the smell.

Ewwww!

I call that a "Loaded Fart"

 

I was whipped after the antenna wedding but the reception was great. After a while, I had a chip on my shoulder because I couldn’t stand her static. I couldn’t resistor interference and became a joule thief. Fast as lightning I was arrested for breaking Ohm’s Law and the quartz charged me with battery. I was in my prism cell awaiting the gauss chamber but the charge didn’t hold and my electron was freed.

 

Here is an example of electrical safety.... What safety??

Keep this dictionary handy; you never know when you might need to select the proper tool.

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh --'

SKILSAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting on fire various flammable objects in your shop. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, CDs/DVDs, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

SON OF A B***H TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a b***h!' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

FLASHLIGHT: A containment vessel for leaking batteries

 

A little late:

A doctor on TV said that in order to have inner peace in our lives during this political campaign and particularly the election tomorrow, we should always finish things that we start. Since we all could use more calm in our lives, I looked around my house to find things I'd started & hadn't finished.

I finished a bottle of Merlot,

a bottle of Chardonnay,

a bodle of Baileys,

a butle of wum,

tha mainder of Valiuminun scriptins,

an a box a choclutz.

Yu has no idr how fablus I feel rite now.

 

 

Uh oh, this might be an LED-to-mains example.

 

Uh oh, this might be an LED-to-mains example.

No, I think it's running on DC...unless the reverse voltage isn't high enough to break down the reverse voltage limit of the LEDs.
And that is possible!

Better try to measure the total conductive length of the sausage (therefore the voltage) by using the lead spacing of the LEDs for a reference distance.

 

I just love new circuits.
That's a hot one.

 

I just love new circuits.

I think I just found what the"white noise" guy is looking for.

 

More like pink noise, I think.

 

Minus the LEDs. It was one of the off course thing that one of my teacher showed us. Actually tasted real good.

Also a good demonstration of how you/meat can be cooked with mains voltage.

 

A greasy led?

 

Minus the LEDs. It was one of the off course thing that one of my teacher showed us. Actually tasted real good.

Also a good demonstration of how you/meat can be cooked with mains voltage.

When I was a kid we ate a lot of hot dogs at home. My dad worked at the company that invented the skinless hotdog, and a lot of experimental hotdogs came home to employees. One year we got an electric hot dog cooker that was two rows of spikes. You placed one weiner between each pair of spikes, plugged it in, and in a few minutes enjoyed your nice hot dog.

Trouble was, awful colors would form around the electrodes. Grey, green, brown, sizzled and smoking. And the rest of the hotdog didn't look so great either, as I recall. Half pink, half grey. I don't think we used this appliance more than a couple times. A pot of boiling water is tough to beat.

 

I had one of these in college to cook my meals...

 

Yeah my teacher just rammed banana plugs into each end of the hot dog and the other ends straight to the outlet...