“Word Perfect Technical support; May I help you?”
“Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.”
“What sort of trouble?”
“Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.”
“Went away?”
“They disappeared.”
“Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?”
“Nothing.”
“Nothing?”
“It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.”
“Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?”
“How do I tell?”
“Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?”
“What’s a sea-prompt?”
“Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?”
“There isn’t any cursor: I told you, it won’t accept anything I type.”
“Does your monitor have a power indicator?”
“What’s a monitor?”
“It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it’s on?”
“I don’t know.”
“Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?”
…..”Yes, I think so.”
“Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’s plugged into the wall.”
…..”Yes, it is.”
“When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?”
“No.”
“Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.”
…..”Okay, here it is.”
“Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely into the back of your computer.”
“I can’t reach it.”
“Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?”
“No.”
“Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?”
“Oh, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle-it’s because it’s dark.”
“Dark?”
“Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.”
“Well, turn on the office light then.”
“I can’t.”
“No? Why not?”
“Because there’s a power outage.”

“A power… A power outage? Aha! Okay, we’ve got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?”

“Well, yes. I keep them in the closet.”
“Good! Go get them and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.”
“Really! Is it that bad?”
“Yes, I’m afraid it is.”
“Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?”
“Tell them you’re too stupid to own a computer.”

 

That one was around long before Word Perfect. Goes back to MS-DOS 3.0. Another one was the guy who couldn't get his floppy drive to work. Tech has him check a few things then tells him to put a floppy in the drive. The guy does and still nothing. The tech asks him if he closed the door. The guy says no, do I really need to? Tech says yeah you have to, or the drive won't spin. So, the guy gets up and shuts the door to his office and tries again and tells the tech OK I shut the door, but it still doesn't work.

 

True story, working at the TV repair shop. VCR came in, the guy said It stopped working ’Jammed’ couldn’t get the door to open.

I got it, took the cover off to find a “Jam Sandwich” in the tape mechanism. Pulled it out, removed the drive, blew it out. Washed the drive lubricated, put it back together.

I never thought then, it was the only VCR I ever repaired that was actually ’Jammed’ by comparison, the rest non functioning drive mechanisms.

kv

Edit: If you think this is fabricated, let me tell you how I got my nickname ‘Kilovolt’ (Thats a whole other Story) I would have ’Kilovolt’ as a User, but it was taken and created ‘Killivolt’ after 14 years at the shop, you get a lot of stuff you never in a million years would think could happen but did. lol

 

True story, working at the TV repair shop. VCR came in, the guy said It stopped working ’Jammed’ couldn’t get the door to open.

I got it, took the cover off to find a “Jam Sandwich” in the tape mechanism. Pulled it out, removed the drive, blew it out. Washed the drive lubricated, put it back together.

I never thought then, it was the only VCR I ever repaired that was actually ’Jammed’ by comparison, the rest non functioning drive mechanisms.

kv

Edit: If you think this is fabricated, let me tell you how I got my nickname ‘Kilovolt’ (Thats a whole other Story) I would have ’Kilovolt’ as a User, but it was taken and created ‘Killivolt’ after 14 years at the shop, you get a lot of stuff you never in a million years would think could happen but did. lol

There were all kinds of stories in the 80's and 90's about kids stuffing sandwiches snd toys into VCRs. I have no doubt you've seen one. I've also heard of a kid stuffing some viewmaster discs into a DVD player.

 

Then there was the lady that called tech services to complain that the cup holder on her computer was broken. HUH? What cup holder. She says you know the one where you press the button, and the cup holder comes out. Lady that is the tray for the CD drive!

 

Then there was the lady that called tech services to complain that the cup holder on her computer was broken. HUH? What cup holder. She says you know the one where you press the button, and the cup holder comes out. Lady that is the tray for the CD drive!

Or when it’s programmed in the boot sequence to open the drive for a programmer, so he could use it as such in the morning.

Everyone one wondered why? lol



kv

Edit: Reminds me of a Saturday night live episode. Jimmy Fallon, it would seem to me as an IT guy, to keep your job you create imaginary issues to scare the flock, only to be the one to protect them, even though you were the sheep in Wolf‘s clothing. lol

 

Or the tech support guy who asked a user to close all his windows…

 

Or the tech support guy who asked a user to close all his windows…

If you do not close all your windows then there's a good chance that In-Flu- Enza , will enter your home.

 

If you do not close all your windows then there's a good chance that In-Flu- Enza , will enter your home.

Don't quit your day job.

 

In Flew Enza?!

 

Edit: Reminds me of a Saturday night live episode. Jimmy Fallon, it would seem to me as an IT guy, to keep your job you create imaginary issues to scare the flock, only to be the one to protect them, even though you were the sheep in Wolf‘s clothing. lol

That was the guys in India calling themselves Microsoft Tech Support Services.

 

That was the guys in India calling themselves Microsoft Tech Support Services.

I think Pakistan is worse for scam calls!

 

I used to get calls from the middle east telling me they were from Microsoft and they've detected a problem with my computer. They stopped when I asked them "Which computer? What MAC address?"

 

This one does its own talking:

 

This one does its own talking:
View attachment 249266

I don’t care who you are that’s funny right there! I am old enough to get it.

 

This one does its own talking:
View attachment 249266

Took me a while .. but I finally got it...

 

The exploding fireball Ford Pinto! My next-door neighbor (who is a lawyer) sued Ford for millions and won. Pinto was also advertised as a 3-door car (including the hatch). Pinto hit a bridge here on I-95, hatch popped, and child was thrown in the river and died. Hatch latch was NOT a standard door latch.